Author: I Went Outside Today

4.11 – Sydney Joins an Alternative Religion

Posted on by I Went Outside Today

For today’s episode we knock off an item we’ve had on our wish list since episode 1! Also we discuss our personal criteria for what makes a cult vs a religion, whether or not if dreams have meaning, and when it’s ok to blast the music on your phone.

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TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome everybody to the today’s very special episode of the I Went Outside Today podcast. I’m one of your three hosts, Chris.

I’m Sheryl. I’m Sydney.

For today’s episode, we got to do something that has been on our to-do list from the very first episode. Sydney agreed to do it way back when we took her to her very first, I guess you could call it a cult, but Eckankar meeting.

I think they said they’re not a cult. That’s what a cult would say. There’s also what a not cult would say, so…

Unless they want to sound like they’re cool. Not a good litmus test. So it was an Eckankar meeting. I’ll just describe what Eckankar is. This is from their website. Eckankar, known as the path of spiritual freedom, path of spiritual freedom is in all capitals, is a spiritual path that guides individuals towards personal enlightenment through direct personal experiences with the divine, divine also capitalized. It emphasizes the value of inner truth and the unique journey of the soul, teaching that each individual is soul, an eternal divine spark of God. In Alberta, the Eckankar community warmly invites you to explore a variety of spiritual events tailored to foster this deep personal connection with the divine within. From engaging workshops and discussions to soul-stirring chants and community gatherings, these events are designed to support you on your spiritual journey, offering insights and experiences that can lead to greater understanding and spiritual growth. Join us in Alberta to discover more about your true self and expand your consciousness through the loving, transformative teachings of Eckankar.

For the actual event we went to, it was called Finding Your Life’s Purpose, A Journey to Self-Discovery, and God Discovery. I’ll just also read a little bit more here off that website. So in quotes here. So what is the reason for living? Life is God’s blessing to each soul. You are here in this great laboratory of life to learn how to give and receive love. So the event, see how finding your life’s purpose can inspire you to give and receive God’s love in an always increasing measure.

Gotta get those year over year gains people. Teach you to gracefully take each step on your journey and open your heart in service to life. This is an Edmonton Open House event. All are welcome, so come share your experiences or just listen as we explore together.

How many people are at this event? So first of all, Chris was late after giving me our time for being late and then I was on time when Chris was late.

You see, when I’m late, it’s two minutes late and when you’re late…

We don’t need to get into the details.

I was at first. It’s about 45 minutes late. I was there first. Also mentioned, I did not tell Sydney what we were doing for this episode.

Which is rude. Congratulations, Chris. I’m giving you a clap. Yeah, so I was just sitting at a circle K being like, what are we doing?

While you were waiting at the circle K for all of two minutes while I wasn’t there. It was seven minutes. What did you think we were going to be doing?

I didn’t know, but I was annoyed because it was like I Ubered here. And the bus would have got me there at 111 and you said it couldn’t come at 111. So I Ubered there and it was two minutes early and then you were seven minutes late. I had no idea what we were doing, but when we went into the…

I assume you looked at Google Maps and tried to figure out what we were going to do.

I was at the fire station and I was like, are we going to visit the fireman?

Was that your hope?

I mean, I would have preferred it.

So you would do fireman training for an episode?

Oh, I wouldn’t do training, but like I want to sit in the truck and beep the horn. I think they reserve that for children. Yes, yes they do.

So anyway, I showed up. Sydney was very grumpy. Yeah. Because she was sitting outside the circle K on her phone.

Alone. By myself. Don’t you like being alone though? But not outside.

You could have gone inside the circle K.

I did. I got a water. I thought Chris was going to be in the circle K and then he wasn’t.

So… I showed up. I told Sydney we got to go. Your first cult meeting is now. And do you remember what your initial thought of which cult we were going to cover was?

I was trying to remember. I was like, surely not the staring people because that man is in some trouble for being a little creep guy. And then I was like, didn’t we say something about doing some chanting thing? So then, but I couldn’t remember like what it was called. So I was right because the ethnic art thing is the challenge.

So then we walked in and there is maybe seven other people there. Okay.

Also, he opened the door and was like after you to let me walk in first and I was like nice fucking try. If I walk in first, he’s just going to run out into the wilderness and leave me here and I’ll have no idea what’s going on. So I was like you first bucko.

That would have been hilarious. So getting too smart for your antics. So I made him go in first. Well done. So we went inside and do you remember how the room was set up, Sydney?

It’s just like a little like a little room with like a TV and chairs.

They have the chairs set up in a circle.

I remember thinking it was a nice look at each other. It was like clean fresh paint, clean carpet. It was like a nice setup.

Now was there anything on the front of the building that said Eckenkar or?

Yeah, but it was like over hung so I couldn’t see it. Okay.

I saw it and they had a big sign in the window. Okay. If you look at the Eckencar site, you can kind of see what their logo is. It’s just an E and a K in a big circle.

They had a big Eckencar. We showed up like right after some other guy was coming in through the door too. So we came in, we sat down in the circle of chairs.

Very nice. And at this point, what was kind of going through your head to me?

They had a big poster so I was reading it and I was like, what’s he got me into? And then it was just all about like your spiritual journey and I was like, I don’t have a spiritual journey. I don’t know what we’re doing here.

That was the start of your journey.

The start in the end. So I was just sort of waiting for context clues and then the guy looked at us and he was like, oh, like what made you decide to come? And I was like, I don’t know like this asshole. Like I don’t know where we are or what we’re doing.

You didn’t say any of that. I didn’t but I thought it. What did she say? Nothing. She said nothing. Oh, okay. I said, I said you were here with me because I had heard about it and wanted you to come.

Yeah. Emotional support.

I let people put it together. Yeah, that’s fair. I think some people thought emotional support.

They did because I later explicitly told them that.

So he wanted nothing to do with what was actually going on.

Because someone came past me and he was like, you’re a good sister for showing up for your brother. And I was like, I am a good sister. And then someone else was like, so your brother wanted to come and I was like, oh, he was nervous. I just leaned into it really hard.

Projection. Yeah. I was delighted.

So then what was the, like, did anyone talk to you guys other than the registrants when you sat down? Like, was the, when you sat down on the circle, did the other people just kind of keep to themselves or was anyone like super outgoing and chatting?

Some of the old timers of which there were many were a little chatty. But they did this thing where you all sit in the big row and then everybody says their name. So you go around a big circle.

And did you use your real names, Sydney?

She did. He sold me out. He said my real name first. So then I was just like, I hope they don’t ask for emails because how am I going to use my fake email? Chris is not good at being undercover.

I don’t think he’s as worried about the Eckencar feel contacting him as he is the Scientologist.

I know.

In plain sight, Sydney.

They did not ask for email. So it’s fine. Good job.

They did ask how long have everyone’s journey been with Eckencarfeel? So that’s where, that’s when I outed this was our first time.

We’re new we. And everyone else there had been there before?

I think so, yeah. Okay. Or maybe the one girl that came later, I don’t know if it was her first time or not. I don’t think she said. But like people kept coming late so it would have been fine to show up late.

But you would have been the latest

person because people just like trickled in and then every time a new person came in, we had to say her names in the circle again. I’m not a huge fan of saying my name in the circle.

You did it three times. Just like a spell. The next thing they told us was people described their journey with Eckencarfeel. Okay. And Sydney mentioned the lady who showed up last.

I did think it was interesting because when people first started talking about their journey, like they seem to make a big deal about how dreams are to inform you on what you’re supposed to do and you’re like you’re waking life. Right. And the first lady told a story about how she was driving a car like down a hill and up a hill and up the top of the hill. There was a woman in all in pink who said you should have taken the other path in her dream and the lady who showed up was almost entirely all wearing pink like bright pink. Whoa. I’m like is that the lady?

I didn’t even notice that. I didn’t even put that together because she had cool leggings with strappy straps and that’s what I was focused on.

Sydney’s a leg gal.

Different experience. Checking out those gams. I just like the straps. Settle down.

Settle down. So then obviously when they came to you guys you didn’t have really thing to add to the Eckenkar journey? We didn’t. No.

They asked what brought us there. And I made up a friend I have in California which is a half truth because I listened to the Ono Ross and Carrie. Like Sydney asked me later, like do you really have a friend you like came here? Yeah. By friend I mean a person on a podcast I listened to.

Uh huh. That’s cheating. Is it cheating though?

Tiny bit. There are a lot of crazy people out there who believe that the people they hear on podcasts are their friends so not really cheating.

I’m not anyone’s friend.

Rest in peace to all Sydney’s friends. Yeah.

I don’t think the lady who showed up late had to say anything about why she was there. She just sort of sat there and chewed her gum.

It’s a mysterious lady. Did she wait so did it look like she actually wanted to be there or did she seem like…

I thought like someone knew her. It seemed like she seemed less uncomfortable than me so…

She seemed a little distracted when I was like looking at her. Like she wasn’t making eye contact. She was like looking around the room.

Some people just don’t like to make eye contact because your eyes are for yourself and you don’t have to make eye contact if you don’t want to.

She wasn’t avoiding eye contact like you do.

That’s rude. She almost looked like she was trying to…

I don’t know. Wasn’t really interested in what was going on but we’re just looking around the room. It was strange.

Maybe she has a podcast too. Hey there.

We want to do a cross promotion.

Let us know who you were. Yeah from that description. I am. She knows.

That I’ve been considering there’s only one woman in pink at the entire event.

And plus the… Most of the meetings this group does is all online. Okay. So this is one of the few open house things they did which is why I was making a big deal about you going. Yes. Because we would have not had another opportunity and I don’t think you would have sat through what we sat through.

Online. If it was on the internet. Yeah. Oh yeah I would have left. For sure. For sure. So what happened next Sydney? What did we get to? I don’t know. Like there was like an agenda that like we’re going to share our spiritual journey experiences and then sing some songs and then there was going to be a video clip I think was the outline for what was going to happen. And then they kept explaining stuff to us because we had no idea what was going on. So they just told us a bunch of like the basic stuff and like wrote us a nice quote. And then.

They did say that there’s a lot of I can car specific terms that we likely won’t understand.

Yes.

And I’m like okay. I mean a lot of it like kind of grasped from context.

And then we did the chanting. They don’t even call it chanting. It’s called singing Hugh. So then we did that for a bit. Can you demonstrate the Hugh? No. I didn’t sing the Hugh out loud. I just did like an internal Hugh. So this is what it sounded like.

Well done. Yeah. That’s exactly how it sounded like when we were there.

That is how it sounded in person. The people are actually doing it for real. It was just people going Hugh. Mm-hmm. But it’s so weird that a bunch of people that are not trying to pitch match will end up kind of pitch matching. Yeah. So I didn’t mind that part. We did chanting at the sound bath thing I went to in season two and yelling which was good.

I did it for real because I’m not a coward like Sydney.

I did it internally because I can do what I want to.

So worry about yourself. I gotta say it’s quite an interesting sensation.

Yeah. It causes like reverberations in like your chest and head and I don’t know how to describe it. Mm-hmm.

Like there’s multiple senses the body has and one of it is sort of like your mental map of where extremities are. Yeah. And that sort of goes away. You kind of like lose it when you’re surrounded by people doing that. Yeah. Fair enough. Suppose if you wanted to do it at home you just sit real close to the microwave and then try and pitch match the electric motor.

I don’t know if you get the same boost from doing that.

You’ll need several microwaves. You might. Or convince your friends to do it.

Mm-hmm. But yeah the actual chanting part like pretty fun. Yeah.

And they said we’re going to do it for as long as it feels right.

So that ended up being like how long and it.

How long was it for a person who was just waiting for the day to end.

No that was the part I was the most fine with because I didn’t have to talk or do anything so I didn’t like five minutes. Okay.

Did it feel like an abnormally long space of time or did it kind of just.

I was trying so hard not to laugh. Because I realized Sydney wasn’t doing it and I was just thinking about how much you avoid interacting with people to such a degree. And I just couldn’t stop thinking about how funny it was.

They said that I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to. They said not they said you could do it internally.

And I’m glad that everyone had their eyes closed while they were doing this too because I was just like.

Oh I have my eyes open but I didn’t want to. Trying to restrain a smile. The whole time did you have your arms and legs crossed Sydney. That’s very rude.

Just my arms.

You’re fidgeting in your lap for so much of it too and I was just trying not to like laugh. I wasn’t fidgeting. You were fidgeting. Well. And I had a hard time not bursting out laughing.

I have the ad-hood. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not a sit still guy.

So the whole point of the chat is it’s supposed to be a. It’s supposed to help you resonate with the power that flows all throughout the universe your soul and to God. So it’s supposed to connect you with a higher power. I think.

Yeah so I’ve actually done that sort of chanting in some meditation slash yoga classes that I’ve done. Okay. Yeah similar. Similar.

Yeah they did the same thing at the sound bath thing. Yeah. And everyone just like I do like the I like how it feels. Yeah. But I don’t necessarily need to do the chanting myself. Oh. I like to be chant adjacent.

You like to be a spectator. Yeah.

What are you afraid is going to happen if you chant.

I just don’t need to chant.

Are you afraid everyone’s going to stop and they’re going to be like not like that.

Well there is always that one person that’s like the last one doing it and it’s like oh shit everyone else has stopped except for me. So I don’t want to be that guy.

They said do it for as long as it feels right.

And I did it for as long as it felt right. Which is not at all. Which is zero. I did it internally and I demonstrated that so. You knew who I was before you took me to this thing so.

I know and I almost lost complete composure like multiple times. It’s just funny watching you be so uncomfortable in a room where everyone’s being like so inviting and like opening and like.

Everyone was extremely nice.

And you are like complete opposite. You were just like I do not want to be here.

I want to be a fly on the wall.

Yeah. Just like I don’t like to be perceived.

Why are you dressing all black to hide. But it doesn’t work in a room where a woman’s dressed in all pink.

It didn’t work in this room at all.

Can you explain what you’re wearing.

That’s what I’m just wearing clothes.

No yesterday this you’re wearing your exhausted shirt.

Oh yeah. That got some of you didn’t tell me where we were going. If I knew where we’re going I would have worn my barely functional shirt with a bear crying.

How many people were wearing black in that room Sydney.

I don’t own other clothes. I can’t just go by chanting clothes because you don’t like what I wear.

Sydney was the only one all in black.

That’s what I figured. I don’t even know what chanting clothes I’m looking at.

She’s technically currently the only one in black again.

I have orange on this shirt and another bear. This would have been a good shirt to wear.

And also to let you know how inviting this group was. Sydney can you explain the age ranges and backgrounds of everyone that was there. Older. Older. Every single one old. Oh yeah there was the two little kids. Younger. And then there was Sydney who didn’t want to be perceived.

Yeah. They didn’t want to be perceived. They said all are welcome so you get what you get and you don’t get upset.

So then after the Hu chanting what then where did you guys go from there. Songs. Singing.

Yeah. Group singing.

What kind of songs. Like popular songs but with the words changed. Okay. Yep. To be and all I could think about was how like the Westrop Baptist Church does that.

Yeah. And they did they took like bad romance and just made it awful but like hate and gay people were more or something. These songs were not about hating gay people so that was good.

They took green sleeves. Okay. It was one of them. And I sung along with it as best as I could because I could remember green sleeves. I didn’t know green sleeves. And the second one was Danny Boy. Okay. Which I’ve never sung that song before so just sort of like listening and trying.

That’s not an easy one to get a group of people to sing with various song abilities. I would not. I don’t know.

I could hear that. Yeah. Yeah. Cause like the guy who wrote his version of it he was not singing it how everyone else was singing. No. And I almost laughed at this time too because this is where I noticed Sydney was fidgeting a whole bunch. Whether like hands in her lap on top of the lyric sheet. That’s how I sit. And not singing.

I’m not a singing guy. And I don’t really know Danny Boy that well so. I didn’t even try. I didn’t even try. I sang. He did sing.

So when they’re saying lyrics were like changed up they were completely different lyrics or was it like similar lyrics but like they changed some of them.

You know I don’t know the words to either of them. Okay. But it was pretty much talking about putting your faith in God and using the Echin car.

Okay so then quite a bit.

Cause like I wouldn’t say it was like I was like in that episode of South Park where Cartman wanted to become a platinum selling Christian music. So we just took every song that had the word baby in it and changed it to Jesus.

It’s a good episode if you haven’t seen it yet it’s pretty good. I haven’t seen that. Well.

He takes like romantic love songs.

Yeah. That’s silly.

And he’s like confronted by the music judges at one point and they’re like it says here like it sounds like you love Jesus and he’s like yeah don’t we all love Jesus.

Like yes yes of course we do but it sounds like you want to make love to Jesus. That’s funny. But yeah it didn’t it didn’t read like it was a straight replacement. Okay good. I think he just used the tune. Yep.

I’ve definitely encountered that in other religious groups that I’ve been in so okay. Now it’s making sense.

Rip off artists. Mm-hmm. Every religion.

Cause it’s hard to write music so he may as well just take someone else’s song and replace all the words to it. That’s how weird Al made his career. It’s true. I think that’s how weird Al made his career. He’s good at it. So then after the singing which half of our team have participated in what did you guys do?

Group discussion, which I was not thrilled about.

So this is where they went around in a circle and they went like one, two, three, four. So all the ones sit together, two sit together.

And I fully had like PTSD flashbacks to like after school activities and high school where they make you do that. Like for a group project, I was like, let’s go, let’s leave.

And because we were sitting right next to each other, Sydney was suddenly on her own. Yeah.

You survived though. And well, I got put in the group with a leader, which I was like, I kind of wanted to just be in a group where other people would talk and I could just coast. Right. But I got put in the smallest group with a leader who’s gonna obviously try and get everyone else to engage in discussion. And I was like, fuck, this sucks.

So who should I ask about their group?

You know, Sonia and I haven’t talked about it. I wanted to save it for now. So we don’t know what each other’s experience was like at this point.

Okay. I just said that he dragged me there because he was nervous to come alone. And then they asked me if I had any like religious background and I said that we were born and raised Catholic and then I left the church at 13. And was not currently on a spiritual journey. That was basically the gist of it. Okay. Yeah.

So what was the group discussion prompt then? What was the group discussion prompt?

It was just like how you self-realized your spiritual journey or something like that.

Yeah, because the big thing about it is that…

I didn’t know we were supposed to be self-realizing our spiritual journey. It didn’t happen on my agenda.

It’s not like other cults where they decide the journey is the cult leader’s journey. This one’s very personal. Okay.

Well, I don’t think it is a cult. Honestly, I’m pretty… I watch a lot of shit about cults. And then like I did the landmark form.

This isn’t a documentary cult.

I’m just saying I did the landmark form which people also think is a cult. And something that really stuck in my head is like the leader of the landmark form was like the thing is we want you to leave. Like we want to improve your life and we don’t want you to come back because that means that we did our job. So I always look out for that if I think something might be a cult. Will they let me leave? And I just didn’t think it was very culty. I thought it was very chill.

I mean, I just took religious studies and my instructor does not like the word cult anyway. He prefers the word new religion. Interesting. Yeah. Why is that? Because cults is associated with a bunch of negative traits of religions. And those negative traits can be associated with any religion. So the only difference then between a cult and an established religion for the most part would be the age of it. There wouldn’t be really much of a difference because some of the older religions in the world use those exact same toxic, manipulative associations that the newer religions use.

Well, there is that Joe Rogan joke or something where he says the thing about a cult is everybody’s in it and one guy knows it’s bullshit. The thing about a religion is that guy’s dead. Yeah. Which I thought was funny. So I don’t know. I didn’t think it was very culty. Okay, good.

I’ll throw around the cult all day long.

Yeah, yeah. I’ll throw it as a cult. You think it’s a cult? Yeah. Hmm.

I mean, it’s got its own rituals and traditions and tries to distinguish itself from other faiths.

So does the Catholic Church? Yeah, they let you leave. Yeah.

Oh, so you’re like any religion is a cult? Oh, okay. Yeah. Right? That’s like your standpoint. Okay.

I’d say you get to be like a religion when you’re bigger, when you got momentum behind you. Like, you can be a musician or you can be a rock star. But both are, I mean, they’re doing the same thing. They’re both performers. Interesting. So there’s like different levels. There’s like your basic level and then there’s like, you’re hitting the big times level.

So then what would Scientology be considered? Scientology is a cult.

Because there’s less people in it now though. Yes. I think you can go back to being a cult. Okay. Which I think a lot of places are, you know those weird Catholic Church divisions coming up where they are very aggressive and evil. I think in some places you go back down to becoming a cult.

Okay. But Scientology is like, they use a lot of cult tax. So I don’t say most religions as a cult because I think like what defines a cult for me is like the practices and like the enforcement. So like Scientology had a lot of stuff in place for not letting you leave and they actively get you to a place where you can’t leave, right? Like they get you contributing your paycheck.

They get you buying all the books. And I think that a cult is predominantly about money in the end. Like all of like the Jonestown shit, all of the Heaven’s Gate stuff, it’s predominantly about money and power for one guy. So the Catholic Church, back to that.

Is more of a cult then? Yeah, because they require you to contribute something like 10% of your paycheck to the church every week.

Tides to the converts. I thought that was all Christian.

I mean it is most Christian religions.

Yeah. I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t see it as that cult-y.

Because they let us leave. And that is my witness test for a cult. Yeah, they didn’t isolate you from your friends and family. Where

like Scientology would have taken our emails. They would have called us, emailed us, all that kind of stuff. They would have tried to get us into it. They would have made us buy all the books. When we tried to advance, they would have said, Oh, there’s new books out. Buy all the books again. Like I just see cults as more of like that machine. Fair. Yeah.

That’s off topic though. Yeah. So they talked to Sydney and then Sydney was just like, I’m just here being a hero. Yeah.

Just being a good sister. Okay. Because Chris was nervous to go alone.

And they asked me why I was there. And? And I said that, like I’ve re-brought up the story that my lie, that I have a friend in California. And they’re like, yeah, but what made you come? So I brought up the other thing I usually tell people when I’m at some place where I wouldn’t normally be.

Yeah. Because I read the book Yes Man once. And that the people who say yes to things and create the opportunity for good things to happen. Did they like that answer? I don’t think they did. They didn’t really seem to, like, you know, looking someone’s eyes when you explain to it and like, it was the same look I had in my eyes, I’m sure when they were explaining why they were there.

The way they just don’t understand. Yeah. But it’s kind of like where I went from there because I was like, how did you guys get into Eckencar? Yeah. And you know how they say like people are more susceptible to cults or like changing their entire life or adopting like a new viewpoint life because they’ve just had some extreme situation happen in their real life. That was very much everyone else in the group. Okay.

Except for the one mom there with the kids because she was just raised in it. Oh, neat. One lady I talked to said she joined after a divorce. Okay. Another guy there was just, I don’t know, it was one of those like I was in a bad time in my life and I was about to destroy a church and then something knocked me on my back and I realized that there’s greater forces out there.

Whoa, about to destroy a church? That’s crazy. Yep.

He’s, I didn’t press him too much on it. I don’t know.

Yep, fair. You should have told him that we’re doing a podcast on it. I want to hear the rest of that story.

But he was ready to destroy the whole church and take it down. Wow. It was very much because the whole thing focuses on everyone’s personal journey. It’s very much an opportunity for people to talk about themselves on length about their journey. And then they both tried to like talk up Eckencar to me afterwards.

Oh, pulls you aside into the dark seedy corner. Wow.

I haven’t tried to talk me into it. One lady told me about another, she was like, I don’t want to push you away from this if this is what works for you. But she told me about another like spiritual awareness center that only meets like once a month. And I was like, that’s way more of my feed. Like every week is a lot.

Because they could tell you didn’t want to be there. You had your arms crossed and you were probably.

I’m allowed to have arms crossed.

You weren’t singing. You weren’t joining.

I was doing it internally. Yeah, but they couldn’t tell that. So all it looked like was you were unhappy being there.

That sounds like a problem with them and their misconceived perceptions of people. I just felt like we were going to get in trouble for being undercover. Oh, I was very stressed out. Oh, because we’re there for a podcast. Like it’s a bit sneaky. It’s okay.

Yeah, I mean, we’re we’re not gonna. I mean, at least I hope we’re not gonna throw them under the bus and portray them in a terrible, terrible light. They sound like nice people.

Yeah, they’re all like very nice. It was also made things extra funny that Sydney was even more reluctant to talk to them.

Yeah, so upset. Because when they were like, what are you doing here? I was like, don’t say podcast. And then just I was like, just shut up. Just fucking don’t say anything.

I guess stressed out real bad. I need to mentally prepare for lies. I wasn’t ready, but they were very nice people and there was fudge. How much fudge did you have? I didn’t have any fudge.

Was there a shout out to the own Ross and Kerry show again, but was there tea, coffee and beverages?

All of it. Yeah. And then the leader guy even said like, when do you guys have to take off? We’ll make sure that you get the snacks before you leave. Oh, like that’s really nice. And then I didn’t have any snacks. Chris, did you have snacks? No. He was talking to some guy. Okay. He made a friend.

Yeah, you made a friend too. I did make a friend. That lady you told you you might not like this, but this other place I go to. Yeah, very cool. But yeah, I did have a few people like pulling me aside, like trying to explain things to me.

Like I think they saw I was interested in being there, but I don’t think for the reasons why they were expecting were or even like, because they all had very personal reasons for being there. Right. That were more beyond curiosity. Okay.

Like they came to the church at a time where like they needed support and support or an answer. Yeah. And I’m just like, what’s this all about? Yeah, for tell me about yourself.

Mm hmm. I did get pulled aside by many people. There’s like one old lady and she’s like trying to explain to me the terms and the concepts. And I’m like kind of like what Sydney said, like this kind of reminds me of like being back in Catholic school and the teacher trying to explain to me what the messages in the Bible mean with like a lot of eye contact and nodding.

And like in my head, I’m like, none of this is hitting. No. She’s like, you know, we’re soul, right? And I’m like, I don’t know what you mean by that. And she’s like, that we’re not our bodies. We are soul. And I’m like, that we’re a soul that rides around in a body. And she’s like sort of that we’re reincarnated over and over again. So what we really are the soul and the body’s incidental. Okay.

It’s like a vessel. That’s interesting because if anyone tried to say like, oh, you know, we’re X to me. I would have been like, yeah, everyone knows that. It feels like threatened about like not knowing stuff that I just like knew it all along knew it the most.

And they’re also trying to explain how dreams are supposed to inform because dreams are the whole out going on here. But there’s different levels of reality and your soul exists on one. But when it’s in your body, the physical plane is different than the plane that your soul, I guess is native to. Okay. But your dreams are your soul trying to tell you things from a spiritual level onto the physical level. And that’s why they’re like, not very cut and dry.

So then they must do a lot of like dream interpretation or keeping dream journals or something like that to like interpret the dreams that they get. I would imagine. Yeah.

One of the other guys I talked to said like that’s what he does because you don’t sometimes you’ll get a message in one dream, but sometimes you’ll get a message in a series of dreams. And you keep a dream journal. You can see like a through line through all of your dreams about what the message may be.

I should have asked one time when I was quitting smoking, I wore nicotine patches to bed. I had horrifying nightmares about like the whole background was static and then a monster made of static cigarettes tried to murder me.

So that was your soul asking for more cigarettes.

I like woke up in a cold sweat. It was like and I still remember it was like one of those dreams that like fucking stays with you. I was like, don’t wear nicotine batches to bed or do because then you won’t wake up with cravings, but you will not sleep ever again. Did you share any of your dreams, Chris?

They didn’t want to hear them. They kind of just would talk about their dreams immediately after as for example.

That’s because I learned on a podcast, this American life podcast that dream chat is boring and no one wants to hear about your dreams. So you just keep that shit to yourself.

Well, I mean, this is a group that puts so much importance on dreams. Yeah.

But no one wants to hear. I think they said because the message, I mean, maybe because the message is so personal, they just avoid that conversation because you can get into the weeds. I had a dream that week about where I was cleaning up in the basement and in a box of cereal, I found a nest of bats and I wanted to bring that up as to what could my soul be trying to tell me. Bats don’t live in a nest so.

Well, I didn’t get an opportunity. They don’t live in breakfast cereal either. That’s true.

Touche. It was Rice Krispies. Touche. And on another shelf, there was a nest of mice.

But they’re in like a bird’s nest type thing. The bats were burrowed into the Rice Krispies.

Interesting mind. You have an interesting mind. So you did it share none of your dreams.

I didn’t get a chance, no. They wouldn’t want him. They gave me no opening.

Maybe you’re just supposed to jump right in and be like more forward than you were.

Just yell over top of everyone, what about my bat and cereal dream?

What does the Rice Krispies mean? Almost breakfast time. Dream chat.

Did you share any of your dreams with the group Sydney?

No, it’s only in hindsight that I should have asked about that cigarette monster name because that one really lives in my head rent free.

After the little mini group chats, we reformed our big circle. And we were supposed to watch a video clip from the original founder.

About miracles.

And just like Oh No, Ross and Carrie, they say the problem they run into. No one knows how to run the AV equipment. Ah, yes. They had it on the screen and then somebody pressed the button and then it was on the TV static.

And then at one point there’s three of them up there and then somehow managed to activate the function that gets your TV to scan for over the air TV channels.

Wow. And I was elbowing Sydney and you should help them.

Yeah, that’s why the other lady befriended me because Chris keep going help them help them. And I went we don’t do AV in my office. I’ve never done AV in tech support. And then she was kind of like also like what do you do? And it was like I work in IT and she was like, you tutor people and I was like, should I do tutoring people?

I mean, you can my I didn’t know that was a thing. My brother gets a whole bunch of like random baked goods and other things from my parents friends for helping them with it stuff.

I can’t imagine doing more IT than I already do. I hate it when anyone asks me IT questions.

Could you imagine having some fresh baked cookies?

No, because I got fat because you guys got me a whole pie for my birthday.

We helped you eat that pie.

We gave the whole thing. We kept the slice. But you still send me over like half a pie like this one of me I showed with mom. So anyway, I don’t need any cookies because I had all my birthday treats. But yeah, so that’s why the ladies started talking to me. Because they just like, oh, a young person that knows the computers. But then I was like, I don’t know how that TV works. Can’t help.

So they got it working, but then they couldn’t find the clip. So then they just decided to end things there. Nice.

Were there any books or anything for sale at the end of the event?

They almost had like a lending library and many people offered for me to take them home. Yes. But I was like, maybe next time. They offered us to take some pamphlets too, but…

No one offered me anything to take home.

Were any of their pamphlets like the ones we keep finding at the grocery store near our house? Kind of around the same size. Okay, but not the same content obviously. Didn’t get to look at the content. So how long were you there before? Was it like two hours?

Okay, hour and a half. Yep. Because it was supposed to last till three, but I think we got there a little bit after 230.

Yeah, because we had to get the bus. And then we spent a thousand years on the bus. That’s why I brought a book. I had audio books, but I thought it would be rude, so I just sat in silence. And then someone got on the bus and they were playing music just fully out of their phone. Yeah, that happens. And it was music that I like, so I wasn’t super annoyed, but also I was like, I would never do that. Yeah.

You should have got his number.

And also he was playing… You like the same music you do. He was playing the Panic at the disco song, like we were just playing 21 Guns by Green Day. Yeah. And then he’s playing the I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic at the Disco.

Yep. So it was like, Brandon Uri’s about to just say whore on this bus in front of all of these people. And then he didn’t even care. We were on White Ave. Yeah. It was shocking.

You could get off the bus and hear someone yell out whore.

That’s true. Where do you guys stand on blaring music out of your phone?

I don’t even like talking on the phone in the bus, so…

I would never. I would never.

Only when I’m doing yard work.

Oh yeah, like if I’m… But not on a bus.

No, not on a bus. Not in a shared space. Not on a hike. Not in.

Well, I’ve done it on a hike, especially if I know there’s bears in the area.

I did it on that one hike because I had anxiety and I thought you were leading me to my death. So I play the Hamilton soundtrack.

When you work at a summer camp where there’s bears in the area, you teach a lot of the kids to sing songs while they’re hiking to scare away all the bears.

Yeah. That was it. We made our escape. I turned to Sydney and I was like, do you have to go now? And Sydney was like, yeah. Well, I said in 10 minutes. It was the mingling time.

Mm-hmm. That Sydney did probably not want to engage in.

But I didn’t want to like duck out immediately because they were so nice. So I was like, oh yeah, in 10 minutes. And then I was just like looking up the bus times.

So you didn’t chat with anyone?

I chatted with that lady that asked me if I did IT tutoring.

That lady just kept asking Sydney questions. Yeah. She was the driving force of the conversation, not Sydney.

Which is always the case. So.

Would you guys recommend other people go to these events? If you’re interested in it.

I think if you really need answers to life’s big questions, like immediately this could be a good outlet because it’s not like they’re there to tell you what it is. Right. It’s more so everyone has their own personal journey and it’s up to you to listen to what your soul is saying. Mm-hmm.

So I could see that being better than your regular old cult that just tells you you don’t have a name anymore. Put on this potato sack. That’s right. Shave your head.

Well, I was going to say, like they didn’t ask us for any money or any personal information. So it’s not the worst thing you could do. Mm-hmm. I don’t think it’s harmful. And I think the chanting was fun.

It was nice to be, I said I like to be chant adjacent. Adjacent to the chants.

Sydney would rather be the cult leader.

Yes. Chant for me. You don’t want to be in my cult though. It would be exploitative. I would take all of your money and buy jewels and just have a jewel room.

You heard it here first folks. Don’t join Sydney’s cult.

Unless you want to contribute to the jewel room. Yeah. I did like the Hu. Yeah. Something different when you’re in a whole group of people and you’re all making like the same noise.

Mm-hmm. There’s a George Carlin album where it’s like everybody put your thumb in your mouth and make a popping noise. And everyone goes like, and it sounds like a whole bunch of like ping pong balls dropping everywhere.

And he’s like, isn’t that awesome when everyone, a whole lot of people do that at once. Mm-hmm. It’s a little bit like that. Yeah, sure. I like that.

So thank you for joining us on today’s episode. This is the third last episode. Two more after this. Yeah. So for those of you who still want to listen to Chris and I for now, you can start following our new podcast. We’ve started the Probably Cursed podcast. It can be found on the same platforms that you listen to our current podcast. Doing them curses. Mm-hmm. Probably.

Probably doing them curses.

Yeah. And Sydney may or may not join us on one of our future episodes. Maybe. Sheryl and I have already been throwing around like episode topics we think would be perfect for you to sit through and react.

I don’t want to get haunted though. Haunted by what? Probably cursed things.

Have you even listened to our podcast? I have not.

I don’t even listen to this podcast, so don’t take it personally. I kind of gotten over my head with audiobooks from the library, so I just haven’t had time.

You also don’t even look at our social media. I do if it comes up. In my feed.

Social media is like dream chat. You just want to put your noise in the world, not look at other people’s noise.

I see. Well, then don’t look at our Instagram page. Why?

Mm-hmm. What did you do? Do we have Instagram? Yes. Okay.

For about four years now.

Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. This is your host, Sheryl, signing off. This is Chris. I’m Sydney.

I did the thing. Bye. Bye.

Bye.

4.10 – Sydney Goes to the Home & Garden Show and Hates it

Posted on by I Went Outside Today

For today’s episode Sydney gets sent to the Home & Garden Show and hates it. We also discuss the best places to thrift, the proper way to throw a convention, and a big announcement at the very end of the episode.

Subscribe wherever you get your pods:

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TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome everybody to the I Went Outside Today podcast. This is one of your three hosts, Chris. This is Sheryl. Hi, I’m Sydney. I did the thing.
Sheryl and I were looking at the crypto prices going up and up and we knew that Sydney has all of our money in crypto and now it’s going up. We know you’ll be able to get your very own turret house that you’ve been planning forever. One day. One day.
One day. Now one of the ideas of what we did throw around was to drive you to open houses to make you look at homes. Then we found out the Edmonton Home and Garden Show was in town so we decided to send you that instead. If you were trying to make me go to a bunch of open houses, I would have gotten out of the car and left.
What do you have against open houses? You’ve just gone into the woods. I don’t know.
It’s weird and awkward. I feel like people can smell the poor on me. Just go to Value Village and get some rich people clothes that still have rich smell on it.
Okay, they’re too expensive. The CBC or the CNN or the news. I don’t know which one did a whole expose on Value Village.
That’s only in the big towns. You go over to where do we go? I went to our Value Village.
Stony Plain. They were charging $5 for an empty wine bottle. What did you do with the wine bottle when you brought it home? I didn’t buy it. Rude. You’ve got to go to the small towns.
They don’t hire those people to go through and super price everything so you can get the good stuff cheaper. Where did you guys go? We went to Stony Plain. You got something good? Yeah.
We got a bunch of good stuff. Yeah. Got some plastic resin shelves.
Yep. To hold hundreds and hundreds of pounds of cursed items. Listen to our new podcast, Probably Cursed. I have it, by the way. Sorry. You have to.
You’re going to guest star on it one day. I don’t like cursed stuff. It’s probably cursed. Make no promises.
As she eyes the wooden chest in front of her. That’s definitely cursed. Well, is that for this episode? No.
Okay. You’ll figure out what it’s for. Oh, you’ll find out soon. I can leave. I have Uber money now. Cashing out some of your crypto early?
Worry about yourself. Well, yeah, we figured instead of taking you to open houses because we don’t know how many turret homes are getting open houses. We sent you to the Home and Garden show instead. I already know the best turret house too. It’s in Strathcona.
It’s a big goth number and has a big turret. And do you know how old the people who are living in it? It’s newly built. No one’s living in it.
It’s a newly built gothic turret house? Yeah. Okay.
You don’t know where all the turret houses are? No. That’s embarrassing for you. I’m on EdmontonTurretHouse.com every day.
I signed up for the email alerts. Anyway. So we figure the second best thing is you’re going to have to add some decor to your home. I’ll send you to the Edmonton Home and Garden show, which is, according to the description, a vibrant marketplace where you can shop for home related products and services, experience stunning displays to help inspire your next home project, connect with industry experts.
I bet you connected with all of them, Sydney. And enjoy informative presentations from renowned local and international home professionals. Whether you’re joining us at the Edmonton Expo Center with a specific project in mind or just looking for some inspiration, our local home professionals have you covered. 450 plus booths to explore and several unique feature displays to enjoy.
This is a valuable event for all Edmonton homeowners. Did you get any inspiration, Sydney? I didn’t read any of the description and honestly, I really didn’t want to go. But I said no to so many events that Sheryl said you’re going to the next thing we pick. And then she didn’t ask me about it. She just said, where can I email this ticket to?
Yup. You didn’t want to go to the Freedom Rally. I did not want to be seen at the Freedom Rally. I can’t decide what’s worse if you bump into someone there that you know who’s probably not an undercover podcast person and is just truly crazy alt-right. Or if someone sees you there and thinks that you’re crazy alt-right.
We’ll make you press badges for the next event we send you to. So you have some backup there? No. And you didn’t want to go to the discussion on how governments are trying to squash religion?
No, I didn’t. With our former premier, Jason Kenney. To be fair, he didn’t want to go either end canceled. There you go. I should have said yes and then I would have come out looking like the good guy there.
That’s true. I think you found out you didn’t want to go. It’s like, oh, there’s no point. Yeah.
But anyway, I didn’t want to go to this either, but Sheryl already spent $7. Yup. And we reasoned that it being on one end of the LRT line, then you live on the other. Yes, I was glad that you remembered my feedback from the fucking wedding convention you sent me to. That place was so hard to get to. Oh my god. So I figured this one is a little teensy-eatsy bit easier.
Yeah, and I’ve been to a ton of trade shows at Edmonton Expo. Humble brag. That was fine.
What other types? That was a brag. It was on a humble one. What other types of expos have you been to? What was it called? It’s like the same trade show. It as in one? No, like the one at Edmonton Expo. It’s the same show that comes every year that retailers go to.
The Edmonton Home and Gift Market. It might be. I don’t know. It’s there every year. It’s like a big retail thing. And then all the goth brands show up.
So like Sanctuary and Mars and Venus, all of them would go to that thing. Talk about trends? No. But anyway, I used to go order all the goth clothes for the store I used to work at. Yeah, nice. That thing. So I’ve been to that one a bunch of times. And then I went to a tech convention in Vegas one time.
That’s not at the Edmonton Expo. I’m very trade show savvy and I know all of the stuff about it and how to do it. You know everything. And you know all about the Edmonton Home and Gift Shop. Yeah. So you’re about to regale us about what each and every one of the 450 plus vendors was selling.
No. So I really didn’t want to go and it was hanging over my head all day and kind of ruined my Saturday and I had a headache. But then I dragged myself to bed and finally went because I was like, you just have to get on the train. What would you have done if we didn’t get you to go outside yesterday?
Probably bedrotted and watched like seven hours of Tik Tok. Okay. That’s how the morning was kind of shaping up. I see. So then I just get on Tik Tok and right now I’m watching all the true stories by Ray William Johnson.
They’re very addictive. Ah, the murderer. He’s not a murderer. I don’t know who it is. It’s just this guy.
He does these things. But I know people with three names are typically serial killers. Do they have the three names before or after their murderers? Jeffrey Dommer only has two names. That was before the rule gotten because like until him, they didn’t know who was a serial killer. Ted Bundy. And then afterwards. Does the Zodiac Killer count as three names?
I feel like it doesn’t. He’s probably got three names. Okay. I mean, we’ve all got three names.
It’s called a first name, a middle name, and a last name. Anyway, I didn’t want to go to your stupid home and garden show. I got on the train and I went there because it’s easy to get on the train. So that was like the saving grace of everything. And then when I walked in to the entrance closest to the train station, there was this thing called like Lighthouse immersive Disney adventure. And I was like these assholes, like I could have gone to this Disney thing that looks really cool. And I have to go to the home and garden show. And I was like, I want to go to the Disney thing instead. And so then I was like, let me see how much it costs. And it was $37. Yeah. And I was like, it’s a bit pricey.
It’s a bit pricey to like spend on the spot. And I was like, let me go check into this home and garden thing because I saw people walking around with these bags and I reckoned if I checked in, I would get a free one. And then I stood in the home and garden show for like 25 minutes trying to Google how to get into the Disney thing with a discount, like looking for promo codes, discount codes. I tried a bunch of them.
Nothing worked. And I was like, it’s $37. Really that expensive. But you have Uber money now. I do have Uber money now, but it’s only like $17 to Uber here. $37 is like a lot of money. That’s two to three Ubers.
Yeah. It’s like a Uber and a half. I don’t like math.
Anyway. Depends if you tip. So once I couldn’t find, I always tip. Once I couldn’t find a discount. I was like, let me, if it’s, if it’s worth it, then maybe I’ll just pay $37. And I thought that would be really funny if I just showed up and did like a whole Disney thing instead and or two for one.
I don’t know. And then all of the riot reviews were really, really bad. Everyone was like, like, it’s so overpriced for what it is. People were saying they spent $400 on like pre like four premium tickets and that you’re better off to just go watch a movie. Like people were pissed. And like when I was reading the description, I was like, it sounds like you just are walking around watching clips of Disney movies, but like surely there’s more to it. Is it like the Willy Wonka experience? That’s kind of the vibe from Reddit was like it’s not worth it.
Silver price. Wow. You know, people are really mad. So then, well, wow, it looked like really exciting to look at it, but I guess I’m stuck with the Home and Garden show.
So like, let’s just make the best of a bad situation. So then I started walking around the Home and Garden show and I have pamphlets to remember all of the stuff that I saw. What was the first thing you saw when you walked into the door? I don’t even know because I was Googling how to get into the Disney thing. There was like a cute little market thing.
And then when I saw that they had like craft stuff, I was like, oh, that’s good. I thought this was literally 24 hours ago and you’re like, I don’t know. I don’t know. You have retrograde amnesia. Worry about yourself. So what are the things that happened?
It’s like that movie, Memento. Did you have to talk to strangers? A limited amount of strangers. I was walking around and so then when I started walking around, I thought it would be really funny to just get the brochures from all of the hot tub places because they think that you guys should have a hot tub because I would just like to point out that I don’t have a home or a garden.
So this was a silly thing to send me to. You are on the cusp of having your own home and a garden mom will probably live in. I need a car first. You don’t have a house without a car? I think it’s better to have a car. How do you think people live before a car? The public transit is really bad in this city.
Are you going to live in your car? Maybe. I mean, it’s a twofer. I have a rule against things that only do one thing.
So maybe I’ll principle live in my car. I know the RV show is also the same weekend. Maybe we should have sent you that one.
That would have been good. I like RVs. Alright. Too late. Anyway. There’s no turrets on an RV, Sydney. That’s true.
That’s really true. I’m going to have to make one. So I thought it would be funny to just get all the hot tub brochures.
Hot tub people are weird and they don’t give you… I’ve been to these shows before and people usually have brand minimum business cards. Minimum business cards. So I was just going to go get all the hot tub business cards or like foldies like this or something to give away. Hot tub people have nothing. And if they do even have something, it’s usually like the sign up form for more information. And it’s in the middle of all the hot tubs.
You have to go into their layer and I didn’t want to talk to anyone. So I’m like, well, that idea is out. But I still think that you should get a hot tub because I have no space for one. Or how’s you say have a hot tub? You should get another one. I saw a really big one. That would be good.
I will send you photos later. So that idea went out the window and I also had my headphones in on ambient noise like for most of the show. So that when people would try and speak to me, I would just go like that and they would see my earbud. Oh, you’re pretending to be a deaf person. No, I was pretending to have headphones in. But you did have headphones in though. So I wasn’t even pretending because I’m not a liar.
But they were on ambient noise so I could hear everything that was happening. So you were a liar. No. And then I just that was helped me not acknowledge anyone that didn’t feel like acknowledging. So that was great. So then I walked around the first person that I talked to. What was their name?
I don’t know. I didn’t get her name. But I saw the brochure for the dancing, the Chinese dancing people. And I thought, oh, I’ve seen clips of that.
That looks cool. Are they coming? And then that lady came right up to me and tried to sell me really, really hard. And I’ve been to the ballet for like 60 bucks. So if it had been affordable, I would totally go. But they have the special pricing here and it was just sort of out of budget for me.
Probably would have been a good show, but she was just trying to sell me really hard on it. But it’s like in a week or two. So, you know, like usually where where I sit is like $145.
So it’s just a bit pricey for something you’re not planning to do. But she’s selling me so hard. She’s like, this is the best show.
It’s all the culture. And you know, it’s the best thing. And I’m like, I don’t doubt that. Like, so like, look, she’s dancing.
It’s very colorful and exciting. I saw someone dance before. And then I wanted to stop talking to her because I knew I couldn’t really afford to go last minute. And she’d have told her and maybe she would have been like, I’ll pay for your ticket and we’ll go together.
And you could have had a new friend. Well, I just said, you know, I would really love to take my mom to that, but I’m not sure if she’s free. So I’ll have to step away to call her to figure out if she’s free.
And then I just was like, now I’m stuck at this convention and I got to remember not to walk up and down that aisle again. So you lied to someone else. Straight to their face. Right.
I feel like she knew. Sorry. But if I had the money, this is called Shen Yun. And if I had the money, I would go. So if Sydney’s ever at your event, just know that everything she’s doing and saying is a slight deception. It might be. So then I was wandering back and forth and I was trying to kill at least an hour at this stupid garden show because I wanted to go to Tord and look at the clearance section because I was just trying to get like active wear on sale. So I was like, you got to put in at least an hour here. $7 per hour.
So the hour is coming to a close. I saw this big dog and it was like a German shepherd, but it was all black. So it looked like a big wolf.
So I just followed that dog around for a while and it was part of something called Ned’s wish or something, which is for like retired police dogs. Oh, yeah. So that killed some time. And then I was like, I’m going to get out of here. Were you just killing time?
Yeah. Why didn’t you do anything? Well, I did. And then they had like a crafty center pop up shop and I was like, I’ll get like a treat for the podcast for recording, which now you can’t have because you’ve interrogated me. But I went and I got an interview.
We’re interviewing you. Oh, well, thank you. You’re welcome.
I got these cookies as a present for us to have on the podcast and because I’m out of full time retainer wear so I can eat during the daytime now. Yay. Very exciting.
So we’re celebrating. And the reason that I got these specific cookies is because the lady didn’t try to sell them to me. She actually when I went up to her, like I saw her before one time and she did like a nod and smile, not like a hello miss. Do you like cookies? And like, I don’t like that energy. I like the smile and nod. So then I went back to get cookies from her. And even when I went up, she wasn’t even fully looking at me because she was looking at her phone. So it was very non threatening for me. So then I bought six cookies from her and they cost $20, which I did not know what I bought.
Wow. And this is great North cookie. There’s a picture of a beaver on there, which is the main ingredients. A cookie to have. I’m going to have a carrot cake cookie. And they’re all very chew and ice and she had cookie monster ones, but I wanted a box of cookies.
So then I bought the cookies and I was like, let me blow this can popsicle stand. I’ve done two laps. I followed this dog.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I’ve done the most that I can do. What did you even see while you’re there besides hot tubs and a dog? Cookies and cookies. Yeah. And I don’t know, like some tile stuff. Do you care about tiles? We’re going to get some tile. Well, they have tiles there. You should have gone to kind of tile. The square kind. Yeah. Did they have the rectangle kind?
I didn’t go up to any of the vendors. I was like, let me blow this popsicle stand. So you wasted Sheryl’s money. So I was there for an hour and as I was walking out, I see this giant sign and it says more exhibits this way. And I want to leave because I want to go to the shop before it closes. And I thought, fuck me, I better do a whole. And I’ve been here a bunch of times. So I know that every hall is really big.
So if there’s a whole other hall, it’s massive, right? And I’m like, oh, let me go do a once around. Because I’m a nice person that will go see the whole exhibit for investigative journalism purposes. I don’t think you investigated much.
I did investigate. I went to the next one. They had more hot tubs and they still had no… What was the best hot tub you sell? Handouts.
None of them. Like have a business card. I don’t want to… No, like they, we, Sheryl and I have been to it before. They have the hot tubs out on the floor. They have the hot tubs out on the floor, but they don’t have like business cards or anything.
Yeah, but was there a specific hot tub you saw that you were like, that one is the one that Chris and Sheryl should have? The big ones. The big ones. The really big ones.
With which features? We could just dig a big hole in the yard and fill it with boiling water. I would be into that. That’s fine with me, but I feel like you’re not supposed to dig so you should get in above ground blood. Why can’t you dig? I don’t know. Call the digging people. I’m not the authority on digging, but I don’t… You didn’t talk to the salesman, did you? At all.
None of them. I’m not going to talk to a hot tub salesman, okay? They could have told you why you don’t dig a big pit in your yard and fill it with boiling water.
Listen, if I had spoken to a hot tub salesman, we would be having a very different conversation because I would be in trouble and on the hook for a hot tub loan. So, you just be… I’m very easy to peer pressure into things. I’m just getting that broke. I mean, they’re gonna get as far as where do we deliver your hot tub to and you’re like, oh, I don’t have a place to put it. Actually, I should put it on our stupid zero scape lawn at my house.
I don’t know where I found this. It’s just a good, folding one. That’s just a good one.
What drew you to the pamphlet that you had just handed, Sheryl? I think I just grabbed a bunch of random stuff, but there’s a good card in here that was for really good wildlife ones. This one, I got you that card.
Thank you. They had really, really good stuffies and stuff. I was at their store two weeks ago. Yeah, they have good stuff.
So that’s a good thing that I saw, Chris. Thank you. Stuff as in… Like bird stuffies and animal stuffies. That’s where I got my seeds. It’s about nature and all that. So then I’m walking around the whole second thing, judging all the hot tub booths, get a big one. I don’t know. I didn’t ask any questions. I don’t know the different… How big?
I don’t know the different options. Like big, big, big one. I mean, they’re all big. This one you could like swim a lap in. So swimming pool. But it’s a hot tub.
A hot swimming pool? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Plug it right out there. You could do it. I believe in you. It would be good if you had one. I’m telling you this house used to have one. The steps that lead into the yard, that was where it was. So you’d walk off the deck out there into the hot tub. And you didn’t come with the house?
No. It came with a big dead rectangle patch on the lawn where the hot tub used to be. And a big scary cable underneath the deck where they used to attach the hot tub. There are a lot of work to maintain. And you got to run them like all the time. Yeah.
If you want to use them in the winter, they have to be continually running. That was expensive. Like buying a hot tub is expensive, but then maintaining that hot tub is expensive. So if you’re going to help us pay for the hot tub, sure. I hope you use the hot tub. There will be a subscription fee you’ll have to pay.
No. I was just going to fucking subscription fees these days. Anyway, what else do they… It’s called hot tub plus.
I don’t know. They just have like tile stuff. There wasn’t really any garden stuff also. It was all like landscaping stuff. That’s part of garden.
No. There was like big waterfall fixture displays and stuff. And that was all fine. The second and there was the most fun stuff in the first room because they had like the craft market. The second and third room didn’t have that much exciting stuff.
The second was mostly like landscaping stuff and the bird people. And then the third room because when I got to the second room, then I saw another hallway and I was like, this is never going to end. This is literally hell.
And in hell, I’m never going to escape the home and garden show. You really wish you had gone to the Freedom Convention at this point, didn’t you? You know, I was thinking how bad could a Freedom Convention be. You could have just went to downtown, listened to a guy shout out a bunch of nonsense through megaphone and that would have been the end of your day. I just feel like I’m still traumatized from the Creationist Museum.
You could have saw him there and give him a high five. Probably. And so like the alt-right is just not for me.
But anyway, so I don’t know. I looked at all this stuff in the second room. I went in the third room. I looked at all this stuff. What was in the second room?
I told you, like the landscaping stuff. What was in the first room? Big water for the craft market. What was in the third room? The third room had a huge Sealy display or not Sealy, sleep country, Canada display. So all the mattresses and stuff and… Sorry, you keep changing the order of these rooms.
It’s hard to follow. No. So the third room had all the mattresses on display and then… How many did you lie on? None. Gross. I have a mattress. I don’t need to be lying on public mattresses.
That’s not for me. Haven’t you ever been to a hotel? Hotels do have public mattresses. Also, the last time you bought a mattress, did you actually try it out or did you just pick it based on looks and be like, well… No, I had to lay on them and it was super weird. I bought mine at Sears. Was it weird because the sales guy lied down next to you on the bed?
No, thank God. He was pretty chill. But also I got a really good deal on my mattress because I went on Sears Day. Good job.
But I brought a safety friend because I don’t like to talk to salespeople. And so she came in and lied on mattresses with me. Well done.
So, thanks friend. But anyway, so then they had all the mattresses. The only thing that’s interesting in mattresses in case you’re wondering is like everyone has like hospital bed. You know how like your hospital thing sits up? Oh, they’re all foldy. They’re all folding out for in your house. Yep.
So that’s new. So what was it like when you lied in those ones? I didn’t lie in those ones.
I just observed them. Did it have you thinking about your mattress at home and how it’s garbage? No, I have a really good mattress. But does it fold up like the hospital? No, but I don’t need a folding mattress. Do you? Yeah.
Is everything okay? Do you need a folding mattress? This was the only thing in the mattress room that drew your eye and I wondered.
Oh, it just wasn’t that deep. I just observed that there was mattresses. And then I forget what else was even in that room, honestly. Was there pillows? Blankets? Teddy bears? Dog beds.
Maybe. There’s a big truck. A big blue truck. Was there a bed in the truck? No. Like those race car beds?
No. And somewhere in one of the rooms there was like tiny homes, which was fun. The first room had tiny homes. You do like tiny things. I do like tiny things. What was it like being inside the little tiny homes on display? I didn’t go inside the little tiny homes.
Why not? And then in the third room, I was like, okay, I’ve done the whole fucking exhibit. I can leave now. And then I just sat down at this stage area to like get all my stuff kind of sorted because I was carrying my jacket and all that so that I could leave. And then they announced that someone was coming on the stage and I was like, that sounds terrible. And then they were like, it’s like this guy, hang on.
And then you’re like documentation so I could tell you his name. Was he one of the slurredy guests? Yeah, he did a talk. I’m looking at the show guide.
There’s gonna be a lot of dead air in this episode. I’m trying to figure this out. Don’t worry, I just cut it out and put it after all your jokes. That’s very rude. So since Sydney doesn’t know the name, I am going to assume she didn’t really go at all and she didn’t end up going to the… Look at all the stuff I have.
Go to the Disney exhibit. I didn’t. I just assume you went through the garbage outside the entry of the hall. I brought you cookies. You monster.
This might also be from the garbage. So anyway. So you heard some guy was getting called to the stage. Some guy was getting called to the stage. So Sleep Country Canada stage.
Finally some meat to the sandwich. And I was like just trying to organize my stuff and go. And then this guy comes on to the Sleep Country Canada stage and he’s from Sleep Country Canada and he had like a suit and he was all like, Hey, I’m from Sleep Country Canada and we’re going to talk about sleep. I was like, Sheryl has been bitching that she is not having a nice time sleeping. So I will get some sleep advice for her. Well, thank you. And there’ll be some good content for the podcast because I did a thing and you spent this whole time thinking I didn’t do a thing.
And I attended a talk on sleep from a sleep expert guy. Hold on. I’m going to make a prediction. His entire thing is going to be like, you know what?
You need a better mattress by one of our mattresses. You would think that that would be the direction that he would go, but it wasn’t. Okay, good. And then so he starts talking and you know, people. What was he talking about? Well, he came on and he was like, or they were like, give a warm round of applause for blah, blah, blah. And it was like a real sad applause. I was like, was there like five of you in the audience?
Yeah. And then he came on and he was like, let’s try that again, get everyone warmed up. He’s like, I know none of you here for me. You’re all waiting for Scott McGillivray, who was like the big celebrity person that was going to be.
I don’t know who that is. And then, but he kind of made it. But you do know now, right? No, I left. I didn’t watch his talk because I didn’t care. But I watched the sleep guy talk.
Well done. And so he’s like, you know, I appreciate that you’re all just waiting for the next guy to come on, but we’re going to have some fun. We’re going to talk about how to get a good night’s sleep. And there’s going to be prizes. And I was like, I like prizes.
But I probably am not going to win a prize because I don’t do audience participation because not for me. I don’t like it. That’s it’s literally for you.
And it’s because what it’s why they’re giving you out prizes. It’s for a noisy audience people. Not for, I don’t want to shout out loud and all that kind of stuff. But they’re encouraging it. But I don’t want to. It’s not, I don’t like it.
That’s why you didn’t get freebies. The story is not done. So then he says, you know, who here knows how many hours of sleep you’re supposed to get a night at the average adult. But keep in mind, I can’t hear you screaming stuff out. So use your hands. So a lady does this five and two for like seven hours for the average adult and she wins a fucking pillow.
Like and pillows are kind of expensive. Yeah. I’m like, holy shit, I can do this. They need to rethink your whole audience participation. Right. I like, you don’t even have to scream anything out. So now I am like, revelation for Sydney alert.
Now I have stopped looking at Google Maps to figure out if I can still make it to Torrid. I’m going to win a pillow. And then so he’s talking about, he kind of went through the basics of sleep. I, or he went through what like the 10 things that Canadians say stops them from getting sleep. Right.
A bunch of them were just a different word for injury. It’s because they’re not watching TV in bed. They’re not eating in bed.
And now they’re up all night because they’re bored and hungry. Not that wasn’t one of them. Arthritis was one of them.
Yeah. Sickness was one of them. Insomnia was one of them. And I actually didn’t know he said that in having insomnia, it means that you cannot fall asleep within 15 minutes of laying down. And I was like, oh shit, I have insomnia. There is a bunch of types of insomnia, but you talk about the waking up one too, which I also have a little bit, but I just take drugs for that now.
Well supplements, not drugs, baby drugs from Costco. So we talked a little bit about insomnia. And then he did obviously do a lot of pitching about mattresses because he is a mattress salesman. But he does make some, some valid points about you don’t spend as much time on any other piece of furniture as your mattress, right? You spend a third of your life sleeping.
So I would say it wasn’t without merit. So he invited you out from the audience to lie down on a bed with him. Christ. cozy up, Nick.
Let’s do each other. There was no bed on his sleep country Canada stage. It was just like a home and garden display behind him.
It’d be cool if the stage was a mattress and he’s bouncing around. You would think so. Like they paid for it, but I don’t know.
They did what they did. So now I’m like on a mission. Now I have a purpose. I’m going to win something. You had a purpose and a mission. We sent you on with a purpose and a mission.
This is the podcast. Do you know how exciting it is to a pillow is like $50 on the cheap side? Like that’s exciting. It depends on the pillow. Okay. Sleep country Canada.
Okay. Their cheapest pillow is the $99. It is a buy one, get one free. So their cheapest pillow is $50. And their pillows are actually a lot more.
I’m going to fight you later. And most of their pillows are more expensive than that because it’s a buy one, get one. Really, you’re just paying the price of two pillows. I imagine, but whatever. So he has a couple more questions and I don’t get one. And I’m like, I’m not going to win anything. And then he goes, who here knows how often you’re supposed to replace your mattress. And I’m like ready. Right. And I go, and I put up 10 fingers.
Place your replace your mattress every 10 years. And he looks at me. He goes, that was so fast. Give that lady a pillow. And I won a pillow. Ooh, congratulations. You won a 4950 pillow.
For Sheryl, cause she’s having trouble sleeping. Well, thank you. I got you a present. I won that with my hands. Well done.
And then he said, so I got one and one other guy that answered pretty fast got one. Congratulations on your pillow that you just gave away. Thank you. Also congratulations on your pillow that you just got.
Thank you. Well, he said that good pillows are important for good sleep. And I do have two really good pillows already.
For sure. I thought, Sheryl, you can try a new pillow, report back. He also said for most foam pillows, when you buy them new, you should like keep them on the couch and like compress and uncompress them. Because if you don’t like, some people don’t like the smell of a new pillow. And it’s because foam gets air bubbles trapped in it. So you just have to compress and uncompress a few times. And then the smell will go away.
You gotta jump up and down on them. Yeah, he did also say get a good pillow protector. So I only want you the pillow. You can look into the pillow protector depending on your feelings. So a pillowcase. No, it’s a pillow protector.
Very different. Freddie seems to. It protects it. A pillowcase protects the pillow. But in a different way than a pillow protector. So I won the pillow and it was very exhilarating.
Well done. And the rest of the talk was pretty good. Like if that guy started a cult, I would probably join it.
He’s very charismatic. And yes, obviously he said buy a new mattress to get a good sleep. But he said that we were wrong about the 10 year rule and that basically when you stop getting a good night’s sleep is when it’s time to replace your mattress. So every night.
Yeah. So I don’t know, maybe you need a little replacing your mattress. There’s a death in the family and you lose your job or something and you can’t sleep at night. It’s just the mattress will set everything right. He did say he was like, I can’t help with stress.
That was another reason that Canadians don’t sleep with stress. He was like, I don’t have the answers for that. That’s Sealy. Yeah. No, no, no.
He had no answers for stress. That’s a mattress, mattress, the mattress store. Oh, Sealy. He also said is, I don’t know.
He said something about we invented a the coil, the pocket coil mattress. Yes. It’s a Canadian invention. Yeah.
That’s another thing I just remembered. Good job. Probably should have wrote some of this stuff.
He said down, there was like lots of interesting statistics and stuff, but I don’t remember any of them. It’s because you’re looking up bus routes to get out of there. No, I was excited that I won a pillow. I never win anything and I just won it so fast. Like, well done. I just did a really good job and then I was wrong publicly. I think Sheryl’s whole thing where she broke all of your curses, I think it worked. It turned your life around. You’re welcome.
I did win a pillow. So. You’re welcome.
You’re welcome. Technically, Sheryl earned that pillow. Well, I was like, I’m going to win it for Sheryl because she’s having a bad time sleeping and you’re supposed to try changing your pillow and if that doesn’t work, your mattress. Probably can’t win you a free mattress. That’s okay. He also said that coil mattresses are on the way out. Yeah.
If you want one, pick one up. Why are they on the way out? It’s because they hate Canada. I don’t know. Everyone’s doing foam now. Oh, it’s because they can do a bed in a box. Probably. Yeah.
Yeah. And he says that the technology is there. So, there are really good coil mattresses. He says the most high-end mattress that Sleep Country Canada sells is $22,000 and it’s a pocket coil mattress.
$22,000. Yeah. That’s like a car. I know. Wild. Is that where you’re going to spend your Bitcoin on?
Worry about yourself. No, I would probably go foam because mattresses are so heavy. You would know you moved my mattress for me at the time. I worked in a mattress factory stacking mattresses for like two weeks.
Like a princess in the pink. It was a terrible job. I hated it.
Turns out no one else hated it because everyone else was high all the time and I forgot to do that part. That was the secret. Yeah. And also he said that the double is on the way out.
So I have a lot of really interesting facts about mattress trends. The double. The double. Yeah.
Oh. Like twins you buy for kids, right? So that’s in fashion and then most people go straight to a queen. Yeah. But I have a double. So that’s sad news for me. It is really hard to find sheets.
The future is now, Sydney. I’ve thought about upgrading to a queen just because it’s so fucking hard to find sheets for a double because no one has one except for me. Just put queen sheets on a double. They’ll be loose. You’ll just have extra sheets.
No. So comfy. Sometimes I flail pretty violently in my sleep and then it’ll come off.
It’ll be irritating. I think we have king sheets on our queen. I’m pretty sure we have king sheets on our queen.
Why? Because A, the fitted sheet does not untuck as easily because it’s tucked under the whole mattress instead of just kind of loosely on it. And B, the quilt does not get taken away as often when you’re sharing a bed with somebody because there’s so much extra quilt. So how long was this tucked by the mattress mattress guy? 40 minutes.
40 minutes? Yeah. Riveting stuff?
Yeah. Was it all pillows that he was giving away? Pillows. He gave some slippers away. He gave away a $5.
How are your new slippers? Coffee thing. I only won the pillow. So yeah, it was like a 40 minute talk and I was like, this will be pretty good content and I’m really fucking pumped that I won this pillow because I never won anything.
I should have written down more of the statistics. Imagine if we had sent you, if you had agreed to go to the Freedom Rally, what you would have won there. Nothing.
We would have won some Jordan Peterson books or something. Gross. So how are your new slippers? I didn’t win slippers.
I just won the pillow. And you’re saying there’s $5 something or other? Yes, I’m a win $5 coffee.
A lot of people won pillows for different things. Yes. Yeah.
Which I felt was the best. Wait. I’m not sure. He’s a sleep country. And he’s giving away coffee. Yeah. That’s the antithesis of his whole mission.
No, because he’s like as a joke, like you don’t have a good mattress. Here’s a coffee to keep you awake kind of thing. Okay.
Yeah. Hardy Har Har. He should have set people up with better mattress. He should have given out air mattresses.
I don’t think you get that good sleep on an air mattress. I don’t. So after your talk, where’d you go, Sydney? Oh, so then I went home. Because then it was like six.
And then the toilet was closed. Yeah. There was over 450 vendors and you named maybe about six of them.
Yeah. Did you look through the kitchen people in their displays? There wasn’t any good kitchen stuff.
There was like a pan. Did they not have like special cabinets you could have to put your toaster inside? Well, I can’t have new cabinets because I rent.
So like, I don’t know why you thought I was going to go deep diving on cabinets. I will refer you to the top of the episode where I said your new house with all your Bitcoin money that you’re going to get. But I need to buy a car first. You need to plan ahead.
The way when you got the new house, you’ve already got the idea of how you’re going to transform it. I did like circle around all of the billy contractory ones and do like a wedding ring check. But you know, everyone seemed married. Don’t let that stop you. I used to have someone that could build shit because I can’t build shit. And then there was like a carpenter one and they had tiny stairs and I was like, these are tiny stairs for dogs. No, it was the Nate Carpentry program. Stupid.
Well, you should be able to find some single guys there. I think you should consider that anyone who can build regular stairs can build tinier stairs. It’s the same technology. This is a good point.
I think it’s still going. No, big stairs are harder. Yeah, you’re right. But it’s still, Chris’s point was if they can build regular stairs, they can build tiny square stairs. I don’t need tiny stairs. I just thought they were cute and I wanted it to be for dogs and it wasn’t for dogs. It was just a mock-up of big stairs.
So you approached them with your business idea. It didn’t. We’ll get back there. It’s still going on right now.
No. And then I got you this fireplace card because they had good fireplaces and I thought you should get one. We are thinking about redoing our fireplace. And then I know that Sheryl doesn’t like trees and I thought one of these was about getting rid of trees. Flashback to our having to kill a tree. What was it to make sure that your marriage is successful?
Yes, correct. I think it was because you married the tree first. You married the tree first. Here’s a tiny house one.
Sydney still refuses to tell us which tree she hopes dies. And another baby house. Nice. I like the one that looks like an alcohol barrel. Oh yeah.
It’s like one of those saunas. That is. You can have it.
I think this is a duplicate. I picked most of these up off a bench. These are saunas, Sydney. It’s a tiny house. So the Holy Maid Market, in case you’re curious, is actually a craft fair sale. Oh that’s cool. So it’s actually kind of fun to go to.
Chris and I have been a couple times. So Sydney, obviously it sounds like you hated every moment. No, I won something. Except for the one part where you won something.
Yeah, that was the best part. Would you recommend other people go? If you have a house and you have actual questions, I mean it’s $7.
Oh, they had a big ping pong place. I don’t know if even if you had actual questions you would have asked them of anyone. No, I wouldn’t have. I would have googled them. And I did know most of the sleep stuff already because I’ve had trouble sleeping most of my life, but I won a pillow. And you could have learned more about hot tubs, but neither did you talk to someone. I’m not going to be lured into a hot tub layer, okay? You put your print handouts on the edge like a normal vendor. I’ve been to these shows.
I know how this works. They didn’t even have nothing on the edge. And neither did you Google. I didn’t Google. You’re just ordering people to get hot tubs for your benefit. Yeah.
You don’t even know what kind of hot, what if we get the wrong kind and you hate it? I’ll just get a new brother. So there. Just start over. Yeah. Get adopted. Yeah. So Sydney, what would have made The Home and Garden show better for someone who’s like you?
Having a home or a garden. No. Like the show. Would have been a little bit more or a bit comfortable. How would they make the show better? For I don’t know they could have had like rent or friendly stuff there, but they didn’t it’s all like major rent I was in construction, but if you go on the tick tox they’ll tell you how to do rent or friendly hacks 3m should have set up a booth Mm-hmm. I mean you could just go there and not have things like you watched all of the 100 But you express no interest in going into space But I could now if I had to because I’ve seen the 100 like six times so you could I’m ready for this base of Decorate your home now.
You’ve gone to the convention. I Was also looking for like faucets in the kitchen that pull down because I really hate our faucet And if I could just fix that for under $200 I would probably just fix it is better if your faucet pulls down Did they have pull you down faucets? No, I couldn’t find one and I was like what visit the home garden show Why is it better if you pull them down? It’s just better You just clean the sink faster clean big pans Mm-hmm. It’s a sink. There’s not a lot to it.
So this is not gonna be like a long list of benefits. I mean You could always turn a knob you could in no but water falls down into your pan But then you have to like if you have a big pan, then you gotta be turning it around So gets everywhere. So you just want a hose. Yeah, the kitchen. So Sydney likes a lot of hose in her kitchen Would you recommend anyone you know to go to the home and garden show? Meh, if you have a home and garden the day of cool there is no garden stuff like the garden stuff was like Huge gazebo with a waterfall. What would you what were you expecting for a garden section? Maybe pots? Maybe a garden bed. I don’t know dirt there’s wood chips Did you get any ideas for other people’s houses?
No Beyond hot tubs just hot tubs. I have a pop quiz for both of you What do you guys think is the most expensive house in Edmonton? How much you caught think it costs seven and a half million dollars City eight million six million Currently available. Oh, we’re really available. There was eight million dollars.
Wow. And what do you think is the cheapest house? Currently available in Edmonton. I’m gonna go like under a hundred grand Like a real fixer upper. I’m gonna go forty grand the cheapest one that I can find this is on the live real estate Website I have to skip over the one that’s just a vacant lot of a fence around it because well, that’s not a house It’s five hundred and sixty nine thousand dollars. I can’t be right For houses, that’s what’s available right now Five sixty nine thousand wait one sec.
Yeah, a lot of these are just lots. Oh, here we go half a million dollars Here we go. I found it a hundred and thirty thousand dollars Yeah, oh Yeah, but garbage houses have come up in price.
I was gonna say to be fair. There’s only one photo and it looks very ominous Sydney, that’s your new home. That’s a cool gate. Yeah 133 for that. Yeah, 130 like nice big window in the front with curtains so you can creep out Peek at people. Yeah, I think we judge them I go on a lot of like rental and buying sites just to see what’s out there Just keep tabs on the market Open houses mm-hmm. We definitely sell houses for three fifty four hundred thousand in Edmonton Yes, I the one thing that’s a bit of an issue with some of the real estate sites is that they put you ask them to like Put it in order of cheapest most expensive and then they’ll go featured. Yeah for the top ones and that’s annoying Sydney, what are you gonna spend on your future house? Where I don’t know by the time I can buy house everything’s gonna be a million dollars You know is get a mortgage You’re just gonna buy a house outright cash. Yeah, I see we have seen some of those houses that have been like cash only so good luck Yeah We’ll send them your way.
Yeah. Yeah car first I reckon because you can live in a car if you have to RV hard to park Use park and Walmart’s like all RV owners do Well, Sydney, we will never send you to another Edmonton home and garden show again Well, I might go if I could win stuff I didn’t know I could win stuff when I went and we won’t send you for not just the reason that you just breeze through this one without Looking at anything. I didn’t breeze through. I was there for like two and a half hours You only were planning for one hour. Yeah, I recall and then someone made it obvious that you could get free stuff Yeah So one but the lesson through it again The lesson is that the grass isn’t always more Disney on the other side Because that show I’ve rolled bad reviews. Yeah, and there and now I’m getting aggressive Facebook advertising For discounts for the Disney thing But only on the weekday. So what day are you going? I’m not gonna go everyone says bad.
How much of a discount 25%? Okay, and the number two reason why we’ll never ever send you to that again is We should probably announce it now that we are going to be bringing the podcast to an end This year this will be our fourth and final season So after this point, we’ll have about three more episodes just to finish off our full season And then we’re closing up shop and then Sydney will never have to go outside again. Thank God Which is a very real possibility. Yes, maybe I am also pondering a little mini prologue Just to see whose predictions came true from our New Year’s episode We will probably really set around New Year’s time. Oh, yeah, yep, I forgot what I predicted That’s why Krista is the editor because he knows all that stuff No, he just thinks to write stuff down. I think at this point. I am the most predictive I could know stuff too if I just wrote it down. I predicted that there would be a huge AI hoax and the Willy Wonka experience Definitely made it.
Yeah around the world. Yeah But the art on that like looks AI generated. That’s why it’s an AI hoax But like how do people fall for that?
Do you not know the story? I know it But I’m just confused on how people like when you look at the art it looks AI generated. Yeah So the job posting AI generated the scripts for all the actors AI generated Photos AI generated like everything that could be done with but with AI was done with AI Making an AI hoax because people fell for it. Yeah, I guess so which means I am more psychic than you Sydney There’s also a good one about Elon Musk. It will give you $20,000 in Bitcoin and it’s like a really good deep fake.
So it looks exactly like him Talking and saying is gonna give you 20 grand. Mm-hmm. They’re gonna make that against the law pretty soon Yeah I’m glad that I was able to use 11 labs voice cloner to make you say things that you never said That’s very rude of you before it was against the law Yeah, I Should release those.
Yep. No, I should Close this whole podcast with a bunch of things of you saying Things you wouldn’t say. That’s very rude I’m gonna have you give out your personal phone number and be like please call me and talk to me and ask me questions And ask me to interact You’re a rude dude and I brought you cookies that brings us to the end of today’s a very special episode of the I went outside today Podcast. Bye. This is your host Chris signing off. This is Sheryl saying have a good day. I’m Sydney. I did the thing. Bye You

4.09 – Sydney Goes to the Flying Canoe

Posted on by I Went Outside Today

In today’s episode, Sydney details her experience at La Canoe Volant/The Flying Canoe. We also learn how to get the devil to give you a free ride to a new years party, Sydney’s limits for general interactions anywhere outside her home, and what she missed seeing due to her obsessive avoidance of hills.

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TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome everybody.

Hi. Today’s very, very, very, very special episode of the I Went Outside Today podcast. This is one of your three hosts, Chris. This is Sheryl. Hi. I’m Sydney.

Sydney’s just ready to go for this one. She’s drinking mead. She’s feeling feisty.

Drinking mead. She’s still thinking about what tree to kill off. I think all trees are good trees.

That’s what I’ve always said. I bet there’s an evil tree out there. I bet there’s like a Hitler of trees that all the other trees hate.

I don’t. I think that all trees are nice trees. They can grow into each other and help each other be better trees. I think that’s a good life lesson for Sydney.

You need to grow into someone else’s life and you can help each other. I don’t think that’s a lesson. You should take away from that. Do you know what’s excellent about being single? Everything. Everything? Yeah. What about the?

Dual incomes. Surplus bed warmth on a cold winter’s night. I have a mattress either. When the power goes out?

Well, I have a hot water bottle but I don’t really like to use it. The ghosts appear in the room. Oh, but I have those bean bags that you microwave and I could just chuck those on the bed. Power’s gone out. Power’s out? Yeah, you can’t microwave them. Although I don’t doubt your mom’s going to backup generator somewhere. Can you boil water when the power is on? No. I might just die if the power goes out.

That’s what a partner is before. I can’t thermal regulate. No, I have hand warmers and heat warmers that you put on your little feets with a little stickies. You open the packet and you shake it and it warms up. Well done.

Well, if you… And I bought them at Costco so I have lots. If you are looking to go somewhere on a cold winter’s night that’s not bad, we sent Sydney to Canoe Volant. The Flying Canoe Festival. A little bit of false advertising, none of the Canoes flew.

How much were you looking up? All the time, constantly. Watch the skies, Sydney. So if you were doing that the whole time, did you see anything else? Are you just going to report on the stars in the sky? Yep. It’s all I got for you. Buckle up.

I’ll read for the description here. Live the legend. Come celebrate your inner voyageur with light, music, legends, and dance. In the spirit of a great winter city, the Flying Canoe Volant is creative and interactive cultural celebration designed to engage local history and everything that is great about a long winter’s night.

Inspired by the legend of the Flying Canoe in French Canadian First Nations and Métis traditions, Flying Canoe Volant embraces Edmonton’s beautiful Mill Creek ravine and the newly established French Quarter. So, Sydney, we had asked you to do this and it turned out you had already had plans to go to this event. Yeah, I was ahead of the podcast plans. Well done. Yeah. That’s so unlike you.

I know. It makes me wonder if we’re just going to start suggesting things and you’re going to be like, I’m already planning on that. Maybe. But I really did because my niece wanted to go to this so we had plans to go with Giselle and Kevin and mom. Oh, everyone but you. Do you know how our niece found out about it?

I don’t know actually, I didn’t ask. I was just like, yeah, I’ll go to that. She probably was watching this guys. Probably.

Somebody told her about the stuff going on in the ravine and she was like, I need to see that. So, I don’t know if we want to include the story of the Flying Canoe. But you can.

Yeah, you can. All right, Sydney, what is the story of the Flying Canoe? Oh, I don’t know what it is. It’s a little bit of that part of the festival. You didn’t see the guys walking around with canoes?

I saw the canoe races. Okay. But like it’s a bit confusing because there’s three venues and I wasn’t clear on like where the Mill Creek stuff was, which I think is where they tell you the stories.

Yes, it is. It’s down in the ravine. But like where’s the ravine?

If you walked west, you would have found the ravine. Oh, I didn’t know. That’s okay. And I did read some of the description for this event. So, I have the story in Wikipedia here, although it does state there’s different versions. But the Wikipedia explanation of events is, after a night of heavy drinking on New Year’s Eve, a group of voyagers working at a remote timber camp yearn to visit their sweethearts some 100 leagues away. Sydney, you’re the sweetheart.

No, I’m not the sweetheart. But the only way to make such a long journey and be back in time for work the next morning because apparently their boss is going to be a grump around New Year’s is to run La Chasse-galerie. La Chasse-galerie. Nailed it. Running La Chasse-galerie means making a pact with the devil so that their canoe can travel through the air to their destination quickly.

This was common thing at the time. How many times can you do that? Is it like once? You know what? You have to hear the story so…

I’m late a little. However, the travelers must not mention God’s name, whose name is God, or touch the cross of any church steeple as they whisk by in the flying canoe. So no magic carpet ride where you’re letting your fingers trail below you. I will add they were also not allowed to swear because in French a lot of the swear words are religious words. True. So if any of the devil’s rules are broken, the devil will take their souls. Otherwise, if you can follow the rules, I assume you just get a free Uber ride in your canoe across the sky. That’s the plan.

I would lose very quickly. So this in mind the men promise not to touch another drop of rum to keep their heads clear. The crew take their places in the canoe which begins to rise off the ground. They start to paddle. So I guess you still need the paddle when your canoe is flying. The devil is not going to do all the work.

It doesn’t sound like he’s doing any work. So they start to paddle. Far below they see the frozen Gatineau River, many villages, plenty of shiny church steeples, and even the lights of Montreal. The bewitched canoe eventually touches down nearer house where New Year’s Eve festivities are in full swing. No one questions the trappers sudden arrival.

They are embraced with open arms and soon are dancing and celebrating as merrily as everyone else. After spending time with their sweethearts and enjoying the festivities, the men notice it is late and they know they must leave if they’re to get back to camp in time for work because their boss will probably fire them for New Year’s Day. At least based on where voyagers typically are, I would say that you could just say you’re lost in the woods for three days if you find no one would know. As they fly through the moonless nights, it becomes apparent that their navigator had been drinking as he steers the canoe on a dangerously unsteady course.

No drunk driving people. Call Operation Red Nose for your flying canoe. While passing over Montreal, they narrowly miss running into a church steeple, and soon after the canoe ends up stuck in a deep snowdrift. The drunken navigator starts swearing and taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Terrified, the devil will take their souls, the men bind and gag their friend and elect another to steer. The navigator soon breaks his bonds because he’s fighting mad and begins swearing again. The crew become more and more shaken at the possibility of losing their souls, and they accidentally steer the bewitched canoe right into a tall pine.

The men spill out of the canoe and are knocked unconscious. The ending of the story changes from version to version. In some versions, the men are sentenced to fly the canoe through hell, which is pretty cool. They appear in the sky every New Year’s Eve, but in all one version, all the men escape the terms of the devil, escape the terms the devil made. The version that I heard was that the canoe crashed into a church and the cross on the top of the church broke off into the canoe.

Then the guys started swearing because they were like, ah darn, there’s a cross in the canoe which they told us not to. Shouldn’t you give up at that point though? Because if you swear, I thought it’s game over. Why would you keep trying? I would just give up and die.

Just give up and die. Then the devil cursed them to basically never make it back to camp, so they were stuck flying in their flying canoe for eternity. That was the version that I remember hearing. So Sydney, were you aware of these true facts before you went to the flying canoe festival? No.

Did you wonder why it was called the flying canoe festival at all? Like yeah, but not enough to Google it, you know what I mean. Do you feel happier now that you know what the whole thing was about? Yeah.

No, that was a lie. I feel the same. Okay.

You liar. You’re riding the devil’s canoe home tonight, aren’t you? Maybe. Sounds like a euphemism for using drugs. The devil’s canoe for drugs? I don’t know. That should be a Canadian street drug.

It should be. The devil’s canoe. Like maple syrup with cocaine. What drug would that be? Maple syrup with cocaine, you say. I don’t know, but I don’t think you can snort maple syrup.

I think you would drown. A poutine with ecstasy in the gravy. What does ecstasy taste like?

Does it go with gravy? I don’t know. We can try later after the show.

You could probably get away with it. This will be the next episode. I will not be here. You come up with the great Canadian street drug.

I will not be here. So Sydney? What? Were you the first to arrive? No. Were you the last?

No. Because we went with, we’re going to meet Giselle and Kevin at the thing. So they got there a little bit before us, but then we couldn’t find parking. So I just got out of the car and abandoned mom. And no, she forgot something and had to go back to the car.

Either way, I abandoned her. So I got there a little bit before her. So I wasn’t the last person there.

I was the second last. For those of you who don’t know, Giselle is Sydney’s sister. And Kevin is her brother-in-law. My sister. Not your sister.

No, I’m looking for it. Because you said Sydney’s sister. Possessive. Anyway, I met them at the maple, you know where they do the maple syrup in the snow?

At that thing. Did you have any of the maple syrup in the snow? Well, they said I had to go get tickets and I was like, that sounds like a lot.

I’m not going to do that. But then Kevin turned around and just handed me one. So I was like, oh, so then I had one. How was your maple snow cone? Good, a little bit runny.

When I did it in Montreal, it was a bit more solid. And then I tried to watch, I was watching Michelle eat one, which was gross and sticky, but kind of funny. Because it was just a bit too runny. I think you got to leave it on the snow a bit longer. You do.

Flashback to last episode. Children are sticky. They are sticky. Well, but when you give them maple syrup, that’s not really their fault. I think also the maple syrup that they’re using is not the right consistency. Because there is thicker maple syrup. Maybe. I mean, it wasn’t like runny runny, but it was like a little bit runny. Okay.

Like one runny is worth a runny. So yeah, we met them there. And I planned because I knew that I was going to eat something. So I had my abyssal line out.

Well done. So I got to have the maple syrups. And yeah, then we, they divided up into like three areas. What area did you go to first? The cafe Bicyclette.

Yeah, well done. You’ve been there before. I have been there before.

For our Krampus play episode. Yeah. And were you still in line there? Cause you said you were there forever. I was there forever.

I never left. But also the fucking cell phone reception comes back into play for this because they have no reception inside. I don’t know why. I think it’s a new building. It’s not that new. It’s like, is it not new enough that I could have reception in the building? It’s not. I mean, when I was a kid, I went there once to buy school books. So the devil scrambles the signal so you can only use the canoe option.

He must. To get out of the area. So we started outside on that part of the thing. And then there’s a school side. And then both of those places have indoor outdoor options. So that’s why we went because there’s little kids with us. But I didn’t even know that the school was like across the street.

So that was good. And then I never figured out like where the ravine part of it was. So we went, we met up. We were walking up and down the main drake outside and they had a craft table for kids. So Elizabeth stopped to do some crafts. How many crafts did you do? I didn’t do any crafts. I just watched her do the crafts.

What kind of crafts? They were like pipe cleaner ones. So she made a butterfly ring or something. I think it was neat. And then so we were kind of just watching her do that. And there was a drawing table that Michelle was at. And then we basically got mom to hang out with Elizabeth and Kevin to hang out with Michelle. And then me and Giselle took off to do sisters stuff.

I don’t know. We’re just like, we’re the hungriest, I think. So we were going in search of food. Our mom and Kevin still there to this day.

Yeah, we just love them forever. So then we were just trying to get our bearings and figure out you go into like the entrance to that cafe is really nice. It’s got like a really outdoor area. So that had tons of stuff going on. There was like a snow slide. There was like a whole. How many times did you go down the snow slide? Zero times because I don’t like to have a wet butt.

So zero. And then just know if you’re throwing an event. Sydney’s going to show up and look at things and not do anything. And like minimal interaction. I don’t have to go down the snow slide if I don’t want to.

I don’t even own snow pants. They used to have a canoe that they would everyone could pile into and you could ride that down. But it looks like they’ve gotten rid of that since the first time I did it. That just sounds super dangerous.

Yeah, that’s probably why they got rid of it. They had a huge ice sculpture outside. What was the sculpture of? It comes back later. Settle down. You like to gloss over. I’m taking you on a journey.

You like to speed run through the journey. So we went inside to find food and got lost and couldn’t kind of figure out what was going on. But then we got it sorted because it’s like a big curvy building. And I couldn’t figure out how to get like into the curved part.

But then I figured it out because of persistence and hard work. And it was like a big banquet area. I knew to buy tickets for everything which fucking sucked. And they had like snack options. So in general, I have a pretty strong rule against eating meat pies because I just ate so many in Australia. But it was kind of like the most filling thing on the menu. So I went with a meat pie and I got a mulled wine. And they gave it to me in this real weird cup. A mug?

No, it’s like all cardboard and it folds in and makes like a sippy thing so that you don’t have to have a lid. Oh cool. Yeah, it’s really neat. But I forgot that mulled wine was hot so it was too hot to drink for a long time. It’s crumbled a little bit of snow in there. Yeah, well this is inside not outside.

Don’t be ridiculous. So that took a long time like getting the tickets and like getting the… And then I got my food and while that was happening, I think someone called… I think mom called Giselle because Elizabeth like couldn’t make one of the crafts and she got kind of upset. So then they were coming to find us but there was no reception in the building.

So Giselle went off to find them to come join us. And then she just never came back so I was just standing by myself with a pie. But then I found Kevin. So I just hung out with Kevin and Michelle and ate my pie. And then… How was your breaking your meat pie rule?

It was okay. Was it totziah? I don’t know what that means. It’s the French… it’s a French meat pie. Sure, that’s probably what it was. I was at the French place ordering a meat pie, stands to reason that it was that.

I didn’t order the Mexican Korean fusion meat pie. This was also like super expensive. So it’s like a really tiny little pie for like seven bucks and then my mulled wine was like nine dollars. So grimy prices.

But whatever. Hung out, ate that, and then Giselle was upstairs in the kid’s zone with Elizabeth and Mom, I think. So then me and Kevin went to wander around and we had heard that there was poutine but we couldn’t find it. So I spent 20 bucks on this other food and then Kevin found the poutine after I already ate my meat pie. Well done. So then he got one poutine and then we…

I think, I don’t even remember. I think we all went upstairs to try and wrangle everybody back together in this fucking building with no reception. And then… You guys even track each other.

That must have been pretty traumatic. Oh yeah, I guess we would. Yeah. But look, you can’t track in a space that small. It’s like there’s somewhere in the building, right?

That’s all tracking is good for. So then we were upstairs for a while. We reassembled.

The vendors assembled. Giselle still hadn’t eaten. So I said, like, do we all just want to go down to the thing we found where the poutines aren’t eat? I think me and Giselle were just going to go. But then all the kids wanted to come. So then it was like, why doesn’t everyone just come?

And then because I’d already been in a line that took a long time, I was like, here’s what we’re gonna do. I will go get the poutines because I know where they are. Dazelle, stand in line and claim your food for the tickets that you already have.

And then mom, go find a table. So I organized everybody. I’m organizing. You organized something? Fucking crushed it. Well done.

So everyone had their assignment? Last episode, you were talking about how it’s impossible to even put a wedding together. It is. I mean, this is six people and three poutines. This isn’t like a wedding. This is a baby step.

And in the next six and a half years, when your bad luck runs out, and you start planning your wedding. When I ran over to the boutines place, there was a no line. So I was like, oh, this is good because there was some pretty long lines for everything. So there was a lot of waiting at this festival, but there was no lines. I just ran up, I ordered three poutines, and then I was just waiting for them to get made.

And it was kind of like in a hot, dark little corner, like in front of the cafe, but it was fine. So I’m waiting. And then I’m like out of the way, I paid, and I’m just waiting to pick these things up and run back to the family. And I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before on the podcast, but when I go out in the world, people always assume that I work at the place.

And like, just, they don’t consider context at all. Like I’m in a full winter jacket, right? Like I’m not, all of the staff are wearing red flannel shirts. And like, but this just happens to me fucking everywhere.

People just walk up, I will always have headphones in in public, and people just think that I’m like some rude staff member, like ignoring them because I don’t know, they just, people think I work everywhere. I get it at like, grocery stores. You dress like a barista all in black.

Any store. Yeah, when I went to Vegas for a work thing and I was meeting our client, he thought that I was the hostess. You gotta wear more patterns. I was wearing probably the my bare hoodie again. And I wear this hoodie a lot, which is not something that I would wear to, well, I do wear it to my work, but anyway, I just don’t understand why people think that I work everywhere. And this has been going on for like a really long time.

You’re just cursed to work customer service forever. And this guy just like comes up to me and he’s like, do you work here in my full winter jacket? When like everyone else is wearing flannel. And I was like, I don’t, but I get that a lot. And he was just like, okay. And just kind of like, you know.

He was trying to wander it off after ruining my night. A line of conversation. How do you know?

That’s a bad line of conversation. How do you know he wasn’t trying to flirt with you? By asking if I work there?

You gotta start somewhere. I was in a full winter jacket with like my cat tote on waiting where other people were picking up food. Would you rather he approached you with a full analytical breakdown of what you’re wearing and what you’re likely up to? I don’t like to be hit on by idiots.

If that’s what was happening, I missed it completely. You’d be totally Sherlock Holmes. So you would rather, would you rather a guy who like comes up to you and hands you his phone number and then makes finger guns at you and goes, then walks away?

I mean, maybe, but I wouldn’t call him. But like, I just don’t ask me if I work places. It’s a sore spot for me.

I don’t know what it is about my face or my demeanor. Who’s wearing headphones at their jobs? I’m always wearing headphones. I think much like most employees, you always have this face of like, I don’t wanna be. That’s true. You gotta smile.

I don’t have to smile if I don’t wanna smile. If you see someone approaching you, just pretend to talk to someone else and they’ll know you’re not an employee. I didn’t see him approaching me.

He just popped out of the darkness and asked me if I work here, which is like very fucking triggering for me. Anyway, then I got my poutine. Then I went back to the table where the whole family was assembled and I was like, I’ve done it.

We are all in the same spot enjoying this canoe festival. Oh, and there was like live music and stuff in there. So I listened to all the French music in there. Did you sing along?

No, I didn’t know the words. And then we had boutines and then the kids were melting down because it was past their bedtime. So we kind of like wrapped that up. So all of hanging out with Kevin and Giselle just to recap was like standing in line.

Yeah. And then Giselle had a whiskey ticket that she didn’t use, so she gave it to me. So they left and then I had to stand in line by myself because I only had one whiskey ticket. There was also like a loud blaring DJ and I was like, why do I? Was it the same DJ?

Fucking probably. From last episode. But I was sort of like, why do I keep, you know, coming to these things? And the lady in front of me was dancing and I didn’t feel like dancing.

I just felt fine to stand there normally. And then I was like, I don’t want to waste Giselle’s money but I also don’t want to wait in another line, right? But then I was like, I’ll just wait. Did you go to the front of the line and ask, can you take this ticket and get my drink?

No, it would be rude. So then, and it was going really slow. And then when I got up there, I realized that why it was going so slow is because you give them the ticket. I got ID’d as well, which is like, I’m 30. I’m 30 million years old. I shouldn’t be getting ID’d anymore, but I got ID’d.

And then. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t one of the employees. I just.

Fucking probably. So then it’s like by the big ice sculpture. And what it is, is they take the maple whiskey and they pour it through the ice sculpture. And it like goes on a whole little mousetrap adventure.

And then you’re holding the shot glass and it comes out like a little tube. Ah, cute. Can you answer my question about the ice sculpture now? So that was it. What was it of? A whiskey machine.

OK, so. It was for the whiskey. What does a whiskey machine look like?

Oh, no. It was for the whiskey. Did it look like a beaver and he was like peeing into a cup or something here?

I think I took a picture. It’s not like of anything. It’s for whiskey. So it’s like a mousetrap type contraption for whiskey. Like, think like chitty-chitty bang-bang. Just like, it just travels. So it’s a car. No, it’s not a car.

It just like travels through it. Hang on, I have to scroll through my pictures. There’s a picture of cereal with protein crisps and a new calendar that I got. Because I was showing Giselle that you can up your protein intake by putting protein crisps and trash cereal. You got old.

You got older than me. It’s just really important to have enough protein. Look, it’s just that.

I was born before you and you’re still older than me. It’s not of anything. Looks like an ice sled.

It’s just for whiskey. But it’s not like a shape. I mean, it’s a shape. But it’s not.

We’ll put it on the whatever this gets posted on. If you’ve ever been to a party, they have these sometimes where you just stick your head at the bottom and they pour alcohol down a slalom of ice into your mouth. So then I did the whiskey shot. Sydney’s never been invited to parties.

I’ve gone to parties. Sydney also doesn’t know what shapes are. It’s not like a shape shape. It’s like a fake shape.

A fractal? All right, so you’re loaded up on whiskey. I did my one whiskey shot. And it did taste nice.

It tasted like maple syrup and whiskey. So then we went to the school side. And it’s been really warm. So all of the snow melted. But then froze into little icy sheets. So that was terrifying.

Because the whole school field was just pure ice. And I don’t believe in wearing those little thingies. You got to put them on the boots. No, with the grip. Cleats? I don’t know.

Sure. I have ice cleats. Ice cleats, yeah.

Yeah, tracks. That’s just too much for me. I just wore my Uggs, which was a mistake. Yeah, they have no grip at all.

Slippery and scary. And then there was an art installation that we looked at. What was the art about? Just like general art.

It was dark. Were you just in the art class of this school? I don’t think I ever took art in school. Were you just in the elementary room and everyone’s like? No, this is outside.

And turkeys were on the wall and you’re like? In art installation. Some real art. Like they have them at the big pop-ups. They have them at art walk shows and stuff. Like paintings? Yeah.

Just big old paintings. And I looked at them because I was trying to stretch for color tint. I see.

But then I wanted to go home. What were the paintings of? Like just all kinds of stuff. What color were they? Okay, when I say that I looked at them, that’s maybe an exaggeration. I walked past them. I see.

And then I wanted to leave, go ahead. You mentioned going to the sled races. Did you stay for that?

Yeah, because then I was like, let’s just fucking blow this popsicle sand. Did you come in first in the sled race? I don’t run at all, but especially not on ice. And in Uggs.

In Uggs. We came across like all the people screaming and I was like, oh, I’m screaming. So then I went over there and it was like the end of a sled race, so we couldn’t even really see it.

And I was like, well, that would have been interesting had I seen it, but I didn’t because there were some people in that way. I see. Let’s fucking leave. So then we exited the festival grounds and went out and around and then they started another race. And then I thought, oh, I’ll just stand on this street and watch this for content. So then I did. Well done. Yeah. And it’s like a race where you do more than one thing. Really?

That. They really raced it. So they had to get these big, heavy bales and put them in the canoe. And then plant a flag and then run all around, do like a full turn, like around the obstacle thing and then come back and then like saw a log. And it was two girls versus two boys and the boys one. It’s hard to saw a log.

It is. So, and then I left and I went home and I watched House of the Dragon. So when Sheryl and I went, usually the last year, year before, they had like a whole trail set up with lights in the trees. So if you, granted, you weren’t wearing the right footwear for it because the inclined down and into Mill Creek ravine is quite steep. Oh, good that I didn’t go. Yes, good that you didn’t go because.

But also I put orthotics in my uggs so that they were more comfortable. Well done. Yeah. Life changing. Yes, welcome to the world of being old.

Yeah. You got older than both of us put together. To be fair, I have orthotics in my shoes.

Yeah, orthotics are for everyone. You age a scum. I know, but you also have photos of food with protein levels on them in your phone. It’s just then you could eat good cereal, but it has protein in it. Mm-hmm. So Sydney, you left without seeing the most magical part of the Canoe Volant. I didn’t know where it was. You didn’t follow.

There wasn’t a map. You didn’t follow the long chain of people leading down into a ravine. I can’t just follow people up into the darkness. You’re literally following them into a ravine full of light. It’s not following people into darkness.

You’re going into the light. I didn’t know where it was. When Chris and I were there, there were horse drawn wagons that were going up and down the street to take people towards the ravine.

Yeah. I think it’s well documented how I feel about horses. I’ll not be following a horse into a dark ravine.

That’s for goddamn sure. It’s a lit up ravine. I didn’t see any horses though.

Okay. They may have not taken them this year. They might have. They might have just been at the wrong place.

Like we were on the outside by the Canoe thing. Well, Sheryl, I and Freddie went into that ravine. Freddie.

Last year. Freddie did not necessarily enjoy the process, but you and I did. It’s true.

Turns out if you’re a dog and you’re surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of thousands of giants, you get a little stressed out. Yeah, you don’t like it. So yeah, you go down into the ravine and there’s a Metis camp set up and some teepees. Yeah. I saw like the descriptions, but I didn’t know what they were on the event sheet. So the one year Chris and I went, we didn’t do it last year with the dog because I didn’t figure that they would have appreciated that, but if you go into one of the teepees, there’s a banic and tee being served.

I love banic. Yeah. I didn’t know.

Yeah. This is why you follow people into a ravine. Well, I didn’t know there was banic down there. There’s always banic in the ravine.

Dude, are we every year for the fringe festival? Cause the banic truck comes to white out and you get a banic burger. We even got, that was banic when we went to New Year’s at the ledge. Why you guys out here getting all this banic without me?

I also like banic. You like going outside today. That’s true. Especially in the winter. Yeah. I’m not a fan.

No. There’s like lanterns. They look like they’re lanterns that were made by, yeah, they’re fancy lanterns, like colored lanterns down in the valley to light your way as you go down and walk through. And there’s displays of like, so there’s one where an art installation of like a canoe with like skeletons in it, or there’ll be people wearing like, I don’t know how to describe it, but like a canoe costume. So there’ll be like a person and then they’re wearing like suspenders and then like a small little canoe around them and they’ll come up to you and say hello in French and English.

And then if you say hello back, depending on what language, then they’ll ask you if you wanna hear the story of the flying canoe. Oh, so I don’t like that. Cause like the idea of someone just approaching me and speaking to me and like just making all that eye contact and then just like telling me a whole story. And what if I don’t like, oh my God, sorry, the dog was like right there.

Oh, Freddie. Because he approaches you and makes eye contact. Yeah, he just did it like he knows, like he speaks English. Anyway, and you said there was a hill? Yeah, there’s a hill. Like a steep hill. It’s a pretty steep hill to go down. The steep hill is not for me. Do you have to climb it out too? Yeah.

That’s not for me. The first year I went, I didn’t bring cleats and that was a mistake. Cause trying to get back up is very, very hard. The second time I went, I definitely wore cleats. And then the third time when Chris and I took Freddie, it was so dry. Yeah, we didn’t need cleats.

It was gorgeous down in there. Was that last year when we had all that freeze, saw freeze law? Yep. So you went on a thaw.

Went on one of the thaw days. Freddie had his little glow light so that people didn’t step on him as we shuffled through crowds of people. Well now I kind of wish I went, but I didn’t know how to go do it. Next year, if you decide to go again, you guys can go down into the ravine and see there’s like a little diorama set up. And you have to go into the ravine. But the hill will be there still.

Yes, correct. How big a hill are we talking here? Is there a hill that’s not too big for you? All hills are too big for me. I’ve done really hard hikes before too. So I’ve done all the hills that I don’t have anything to prove. I’ve done the figure eight hike in Sydney. So I’ve done hard attack hill, right?

In the Northern Territory. I’ve walked in figure eights too. I’ve impressed people with my hill climbing, descending capabilities already. Then why are you concerned with how steep the hill is? Because I don’t want to do it again.

Fucking sucks, every time I do it I hate it. It’s hard and far. I’m not impressed with your hill climbing top.

I’m not impressed with you, so. How does that make you feel? Vindicated. Sorry Sheryl.

Oh, it’s all good. That’s what the podcast is for. Bickering. Yeah. Yeah.

Sibling rivalry. So Sydney, would you recommend other people go to the Canoe Vela? Yeah, it was a good thing.

It’s fun. Would you recommend people look at the map and see actually where all the things you can go? I couldn’t find a map.

So as far as I’m concerned, no map even exists. Would you recommend people look at the art things? They were good art things. Probably.

Would you recommend? You know what, there was axe throwing and I was wandering around trying to find axe throwing and I never found it. And there was a big. You just bring your own axe. I don’t own an axe.

Am I supposed to? I mean, you can ask us, we have one. What do you have an axe for? Camping.

I don’t go camping. We’ve noticed. You don’t need a reason to own an axe. We can really could do. You can bring it upstairs and threaten your neighbors. I mean, I could, but it sounds like I’ll get in trouble. You just sharpen it in the front yard. I don’t even sharpen kitchen knives. I’m not, I don’t like the steel like sound.

You just wear your plugs. It’s more about sending a message. I don’t think that’s for me.

I think that’s all terrible advice. But I would recommend people go to the canoe thing. They had poutine. Would you say it was good to bring children? They had tons of stuff for kids. They had like the craft stations and a kid’s own and all kinds of stuff. So there’s definitely stuff for kids to do. And outside for the, there was like a giant igloo nightclub thing going outside. Another DJ.

Did you enjoy it being inside the ice igloo DJ booth? Oh, I gave it a pretty wide berth. It just didn’t seem like it was for me. So I didn’t go to it. Fair.

Yeah. Also, I wanted to do Silver Skate instead of flying canoe. And you guys were like, no, we have to do a flying canoe. Well, it is this weekend. So you can still go. I’m going to.

Okay. That’s three times I’ve been outside lately. Good job. We go out three times a day at least with the dog. Well, that’s not counting. That doesn’t, that’s not counting. It’s not counting.

We beat you. Well, I think that wraps up today’s episode of the I went outside today podcast. This is one of your three hosts, Chris, flying off in his own devil propelled canoe. Hardy har har. This is Sheryl signing off. Bye. Don’t touch any steeples. Don’t tell me what to do.

4.08 – Sydney Goes to a Wedding Convention

Posted on by I Went Outside Today

Valentine’s Day is coming and love is in the air. For today’s episode we send Sydney, the most romantic of us three, to a wedding convention. Also in this episode we discuss wedding traditions from around the world, if you would let your future mother in law hand feed you honey, and what trees should die in order for your future partner to live.

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Welcome everybody to today’s very, very special Love-inspired episode of the I Went Outside Today podcast. This is one of your three hosts, Chris.

This is Sheryl. Hi, I’m Sydney.

So in our regular February tradition, we are taking the inspiration of Valentine’s Day and getting Sydney to do something love-inspired. Now we have cursed her for seven years. If you listen to one of our past episodes, she will not be married for the next, I guess it’s six and a half years now. But in honor of Valentine’s Day and to prepare you for your future nuptials, we sent you to a wedding convention. Yep.

Have you ever been to a wedding convention before? No. No? Not even for like your sister’s wedding? No.

Have you? Yeah. Am I supposed to be going to a wedding convention?

I mean, I, depending, but usually brides will want to bring their bridesmaids to that sort of thing, because they get a bunch of free stuff being the bride. It’s like advertising services for like businesses that could help out with wedding stuff. Nope, never been to one.

But now you have. I’ll read the description here. The title of the event that we had found was called Open House Bridal Fair and Vendors Show. Come join us at the Edmonton Philippine International Center for an exciting open house event. Get ready to be inspired by all things bridal and discover a wide range of vendors to make your special day unforgettable Sydney.

Whether you’re a bride to be Sydney, groom, Sydney’s husband, or simply love weddings. This in person event is a must attend. Explore the latest trends in bridal fashion, jewelry, photography, and more. Connect with talented vendors who can help bring your dream wedding to life. Our venue offers a spacious and inviting atmosphere for you to browse through the various booths and interact with vendors. From studying wedding gowns to delicious cake samples, you’ll find everything you need to plan your perfect day, Sydney.

Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to meet the best wedding professionals in the industry, gather in Spoe, and find the perfect additions for your wedding. General admission, this was a $15 ticket for Sydney. And the package included three food tickets and two drink tickets. Oh, I didn’t know that.

They didn’t give you food tickets and drink tickets? No, and also I have Invisalign.

You just didn’t take your drinks and put them in your pockets to take them home?

I didn’t know that I had them. No one told me. We sent you the event listing.

The one that I just read off.

And I read it. That explains why it was $15.

The one I went to was way more expensive than $15.

Yeah, there is another wedding expo happening like a week before this one, and it was like $75 per person.

Jesus. Also, I just walked in and they told me to sign up for this raffle, and I panicked and maybe used our podcast email, but also maybe not. So maybe I won something, but I don’t check that email because I just forget to.

Well, if we look and it’s something we don’t want, we’ll tell you. Excellent.

If it turns out to be a photography package, we will let you know, and then you can get professional photos done.

I think it was something about Fondue. Fondue, excellent. I don’t even know if I put our email down right. But to back up, so like before I got to this event, I don’t know if we’ve discussed this on the podcast, but I’m terrified of driving and like learning to get over my fear of driving.

It was on your vision board episode.

Right. So this fucking place that you sent me to is so far in the middle of nowhere. Like just…

The wedding place.

The fucking place is next door. Which is so hard to get to. So I was looking at busing or like maybe Ubering, and then it was like over an hour by bus. So then our mom, Chris and mine’s mom was like, well, like why don’t you drive there and I’ll just like sit in the passenger seat and then take the car away.

Cause I’m afraid of like driving by myself. So we start driving there and it’s going mostly fine. And we’re almost all the way there. And then it just gets me to turn off into this like dead end that like I can’t access the venue from. So I’m like, hey, like what do we do? How do we like get to this place?

It’s kind of saying like to go through this gate that I really can’t go through because it’s like private property and it’s closed. And then so I turn around and go through this parking lot. And I’m kind of like trying to figure out how to get to the place. I’m a little distracted. I’m starting to get a little bit stressed out. And I hit the gas when I’m meant to hit the break going around a corner.

Oh, wow. So I like slid on the ice and I didn’t crash into anything, but then I’m like even more panic. I’ve never done that before ever. I’ve heard of other people doing that.

I’ve never done that. And so then I’m like getting more stressed out. And then we’re like, okay, we’re just going to go out around, like do a bigger loop to come in from the other side and like hopefully get to this place. So I go out, we do this huge loop.

We have to go like a million years away and then come background on like one of the freeway type roads. And when we are getting back closer to the venue, trying to find another way to turn in, it tells me to do the same thing. Like to go and turn into this like back alley that I can’t like turn through. So I like can’t do that because that doesn’t work. And I don’t know how to get there.

I’m getting so frustrated. And like this is a pretty busy roadway, which is also stressful. And then I turn the corner and the, we have to cross the railroad tracks, which is fine except for the fact that they’re not down with the lights blaring like the safety rails. And they’re also not up. They’re frozen at like a angle, which they did not prepare me for in driving school. So I’m like freaking the butt. Have you ever seen this? I’ve never seen it where it’s like halfway up. Yeah. I don’t even know what that means. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.

I mean, it means it’s stuck. It’s not. Is there a train coming though? So my guess is at some point, at some point there was a train, whether it came or like is coming that I don’t know. But usually in that case, you would treat it like a uncontrolled railway intersection.

That’s what they did. Like it basically came to a full stop. Correct. Like on a very busy, busy street. That’s fine. And I didn’t see any train coming.

Did you leave the car and put your ear to the train rail to see if you could hear the train coming?

I almost parked the car and just got out and exited the situation. Like it was so stressful. And then so I made it across the railroad tracks and nobody died. And then everyone else behind me was also equally at least stopping. So it’s like, okay, it looks like I did the right thing. Yeah, you did. And then that just like sent me over the edge and I just pulled into a parking lot.

I was like, I can’t drive anymore. Like this is too stressful. It’s too much. I can’t get to this place. I don’t know what’s going on with that fucking train stop. And then like there’s an ambulance going by.

It was just like so over stimulating. So then we switched places and mom drives me to the wedding convention because I’ve just had enough of driving. And she kind of figures out if you go straight over what Google is telling you to do, then you can, there is an alley that you can get through. So Google Maps is wrong and the Philippine center is extremely hard to get to.

Some directions would have been good. Not that I read the event page. So then I’m like, the building looks kind of small, like smaller than what I was expecting for a bridal convention. Cause I’ve been to like trade shows and stuff that take up like all of Northlands.

Like what we say is a $15 one, not the $75 one.

I don’t know. I paid $15 to go to a market at the butter dome and it was huge. This is like a small building and it has been stressful trying to get to this point. So I just say, can you do me a favor and just like wait for like a minute so I can go in and assess.

Like I don’t know if this is like a two hour thing or I was planning to spend like an hour or if this is like a 10 minute thing. Like this building looks small and she’s like, yeah, okay. She just like waits and I go in and I’m just immediately assaulted by like the loudest club music that I’m just not in the mood for because of like the trains and the ambulance sirens and my just fucking experience in the world so far. Having gone outside today and I’m immediately like, I fucking hate this and I just kind of am looking around lost and I basically wore this. I think I wore this hoodie and looked about this disheveled. Um, described for our listeners.

I’m wearing a hoodie that says barely functional and the bear is crying and it’s a little bit oversized and then black skinny jeans and my hair is not styled and I’m not wearing makeup.

And this made the wedding people jump on you immediately.

No, they were just like, are you here for they looked confused and I was also probably looking confused. So everyone was confused. I said, I have a ticket and they said, great, you have to sign up for this raffle and I didn’t want to give them my email. So I give what I think is the podcast email or maybe someone else is about to play a fondue set. Nice. I don’t know.

So they had like a bouncer ticket taker at the front door. Yeah.

So I put I signed up for the raffle but then they didn’t give me any drink tickets. That’s weird. Yeah. And they didn’t give me any food tickets. I didn’t know that was a part of the whole thing. So then I was just like, okay, thanks. And then I went in the venue is like about the size of your main floor, like small. So there’s like some vendors around the outside and then like maybe one or two rows to walk down. But like when I say rows, I’m talking about like maybe two tables. So like every row is like two tables of people just like staring at me and I’m being assaulted by like club level music and I’m distressed from my driving experience.

So you’re shaking hands and introducing yourself.

I mean, there was a couple of people in there. So I thankfully didn’t even have to talk to anyone and I did a lap and I told mom to wait because I was like, I can’t spend an hour here dying already. So then I just grabbed some brochures for like proof that I physically went to the thing you sent me to. And I took some selfies and then I did like two full laps. And the most exciting thing was they had someone doing charcuterie shot glasses that I took a picture of. Nice.

So just a shot glass full of meat and cheese.

Yeah, it was the best. But that guy was busy. So I didn’t even get to talk to him about my fake wedding. He was the best. I did no preparation though. Like I probably should have had a fake backstory or something. Not necessarily. Or even been like I am here for a podcast, but no one talked to me. So I didn’t talk to anyone.

What was the who had the table close to the store when you got in there?

The table closest to the door. Yeah. That’s what I grabbed a brochure from.

So there’s a brochure table. Was it just piles and piles of like brochures and business cards?

I just grabbed a gold one. I don’t know what it’s for. It’s in my bag. I brought it. Was it an unmanned table? No, there was a man there, but he was talking to someone. Okay.

And that’s why you felt brave enough to grab a brochure.

Yeah. And then past that was the charcuterie and shot glasses. And then past that was like maybe a cake thing. I don’t know. A what thing? Like a cake thing. Oh, like a bakery? Yeah.

I don’t know. I didn’t even go to that table. I was distressed by the volume of music, honestly. And then so there’s a big, big DJ booth. And then the next quote unquote row of like two tables was just a jewelry. And the ladies looked old and fancy. And I just didn’t feel like I should speak to them.

So I didn’t. And then at the back by the DJ booth, there was that flower arts that I like saying, you know, like proof like I’m here. Yeah. There’s a big flower arch and information about that.

I don’t know. I’m going to need you to go back and take one of the flowers. I’ve seen AI art. That’s just too realistic.

You think I made a fake brochure?

I think you deep faked yourself into a wedding convention.

That would have been so much of a better experience than the experience that I had. And I wish that I deep faked myself into the thing. And then, yeah. And then on the other side, like in the middle, there was wedding dresses. And then on the other side, there was makeup and a photographer that kept kind of looking at me. And I just ran away. I was like, don’t fucking talk to me.

I didn’t take this moment to say that we recently took the bird to the vet this morning and he was feisty as hell. So he’ll probably eat and scream throughout the whole episode. Yeah. He’s very, very angry. So when you came across the dress vendor, how many dresses did you try on, Sydney?

There was only two dresses on mannequins. Really? That’s it. Yeah. I can’t like, am I not explaining to you how fucking small this thing is? Well, you are, but like.

How long did it take for you to try on both on?

I don’t think they were for trying on. And I didn’t like them either.

Because like the, okay. So the one that I went to was for a former friend of mine’s wedding. And they had like a fashion show of wedding dresses at a certain point where we all had to sit in this giant room and watch people parade around in wedding dresses, which was.

That I would have stayed up to watch. Yeah. That’s not what this was. No, that’s crazy. A single room of, and I didn’t even get my drinks. I didn’t know that I was supposed to get drinks.

And then I thought about trying to look up, see if anyone does like a wedding cake sampler to bring for the podcast retreats. And then I just fucking forgot. So.

That’s okay. But I had the thought, no follow through, but I tried to stay for a full 15 minutes to get like a dollar a minute ratio. I think I made it to 10 minutes. And then I was like, I would like to leave this place now. So I did.

And the ladies at the front look confused and I was still confused and I just didn’t like it in there. And so then I just left and then I went to wholesale liquidators and I bought some sausage. And I almost bought some leopard.

Like I was like, I’m just going to lean really hard into being single and I almost bought like some fuzzy leopard bedsheets, but they were polyester, which is bad for static.

You had already committed to a sausage party.

I hadn’t committed to a sausage party. I purchased two sausages. That’s party. So, but they were, they were nice bedsheets, but just, you know, I heard polyester is bad for static.

Back to the bridal convention.

You want to talk about wholesale liquidators?

What did you think about the dresses? Did you picture yourself in them?

No, I watched a lot of say yes to the dress. So I have a lot of opinions on wedding dresses. They were okay dresses.

Would you say yes to these dresses?

I wouldn’t say yes to those dresses.

You would say okay to these dresses?

Yeah, well not okay for me. You’d be like, okay. Just in passing. Okay in passing.

So you went by there, you went, so you said there’s also photographers?

Yeah, just like lurking in the middle and I was like, don’t talk to me.

I’ve been to like conventions where photographers are vending. And they’re usually like having a little photo booth there. So you could take a photo and then like they give you a sample of their abilities. Were they taking photos of people there?

No, he’s just a guy with a camera. I don’t think he had a booth.

Oh, he’s just a- Maybe the flower arch was his booth and maybe he was offended because I just went into my own photography. I don’t know. You broke his heart.

I don’t know the rules of the whole thing. The music I found was like distra- I get showing off your DJ capabilities but maybe not in a room that small.

Was it the same DJ from the Shrek Rage?

No, I don’t think so.

Was it Rave’s music? No, it was just like radio music. Radio music? Yeah, too loud. The DJ music was too loud. But there weren’t like activities. There was like you just go to each vendor. I didn’t want to go to every vendor.

I did my best. And then I thought about trying to do a different event to like make up for how disastrous this event was. But they’re expensive. And like all of them is like there’s a chocolate making one but it’s like 70 bucks and I have a busy line. So like… Can’t do. Yeah, it’s just stupid. You just feed someone else your chocolate that you make?

I’m not gonna make chocolate and then give it to some chocolate freeloader. That would be silly. I’m ridiculous. Let me go get my proof of life vendor brochure. There, this is what I grabbed. I don’t know what this is.

Sydney’s looking at a pamphlet with words on it. I just grabbed it. If only she learned to read.

It looks like what it is is unique party favors and gifts. All natural, handcrafted perfume. Treat your guests to a bottle.

I didn’t smell any smells.

Yeah, it’s basically a brochure for party favors. Was there a party favor booth?

Maybe it was that one. I don’t know.

Is there a particular reason you picked up the gold one?

It was the closest one to my hand. Okay, yeah. Fair.

So you just slyly took it off their table. Yeah. I thought that no one would engage in conversation.

They probably need it. They’re probably looking for it. And now that I am thinking about it, actually, there wasn’t any like bride parties there. Yeah. How well attended was it? There was like six other people.

Okay. Couples or just single groups of people?

Just like a couple couples. I don’t know. You didn’t introduce yourself? I don’t like to scan a room too much because then people try and make odd contact with me. You didn’t count shoes? Oh, that would have been real smart. Next time. Smart. I didn’t count shoes.

At the bridal expo that I went to, there were booths for sex toys and special pheromone perfume. Pheromones. Yeah. So it’s a special perfume that you put on and it changes its smell based on whoever is wearing it. So whoever wears it, it’s going to smell different on each person. I thought that’s all perfumes. It is all perfumes. I don’t typically wear perfumes and I also couldn’t tell the difference between when one person was wearing it versus the other. So maybe it just doesn’t work on me. I don’t know, but that was the premise.

I heard from the Dan Savage podcast that apparently like smell and your memory is so strong that people that wear like a signature scent, people like when they stop wearing it, people like fall out of love. Yeah. That’s what Dan Savage said one time many years ago.

It’s probably correct. So every time a perfume manufacturer goes out of business, a whole lot of people suddenly are divorced next year.

Probably. It’s probably the leading cause of divorces.

That’s why you got to make your own perfume.

Oh, that’s why the perfume store in the mall has those ginormous bottles.

Or you just…

It’ll last you for the rest of your life. I reckon just like change it up. Don’t have a signature scent. Yeah. See if someone loves you when you’re wearing several different perfumes. Or none at all.

So were there perfume booths there? No. No. Let’s see, you saw a roaming photographer, you saw a dress shop, shot, chicutery shots. And bakery. And bakery. Or cake people. As you put them.

Like a food thing. I don’t think they’ve got a drink thing. There must have been, yeah there was a bar. There was a bar. And you missed out. I’m wearing a busy line.

You just dump it, you just hold your mouth open and point it at the sky and then you just dump it straight down the gullet. Then I’ll get cavities and die.

No, you don’t even let it touch your teeth. No, if you eat food or drink not water with the retainers in. Yeah, but how will you die from cavities? Alright, I won’t die, I’ll just be upset about it. Oh, okay. I’m saying you don’t chew it or swallow it. You just use your tongue at all, you just drop it straight down the hole.

I don’t think that works. I think it was some practice.

You might surprise even yourself.

So I’m really glad I had an escape vehicle because I did not like it in there. That’s fair.

What did you think of the jewelry vendors?

They had pearls and other jewelry. Some of them looked a little costume jewelry.

Yeah, some people like that fairy tale waiting stuff.

And I’m really particular about jewelry. I’ve been eyeing this one like Ursula the sea witch ring that’s got all black diamonds on it. And it has like, it looks like kind of a tentacle, but it’s like not a tentacle. And then another jewelry that I like is a big silver thing that says villain. And it’s studded with black diamonds. This is for your future wedding. This is just for my life, just for having. I just think it would be fucking dope to have a giant villain necklace.

Normalize women buying their own jewelry.

Yeah, I like to just manage expectations.

Did you sketch it out on a piece of paper and hand it to the jewelry ladies?

No, it’s a real jewelry that already exists.

No, I’m telling you that you just draw it out for them and then they know that they should have it for their wedding booth.

Oh, I think it’s licensed to whoever does the Disney villain jewelry. I’m pretty sure it’s people’s. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. Yeah. It’s so big though.

So they had pearls. They had probably your regular, they probably wouldn’t have engagement rings at a wedding.

It’s most likely Kubrick’s Acronia or like other fake sort of jewels.

Where’s your boys and girls jewelry there?

I didn’t spend that much time at the jewelry table because I was afraid they would talk to me. And I looked real trashy and they didn’t.

Well, that’s why you were there. Sorry. So you could get transformed.

I didn’t always supposed to be getting transformed. Well, you’re on back. I didn’t understand the assignment. You’re going to get all white.

New field trip or go into the mall and you’re going to try on wedding dresses. I’m going to try on wedding dresses.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, at least I shaved my legs.

So there is dress people, there was food people, there’s jewelry people, and the DJ.

The DJ was the most there, out of everyone. Was he, was the DJ also handing out like wedding DJ cards? No, he was just being so loud.

He sounds most upset at this DJ.

I just really didn’t like it. I think I was still kind of upset from driving. Sure. It was too much.

What other kind of vendors were there?

That’s like it, like just a wedding.

This is like a really small room. Like you would say like max of like 10 vendors? Under 20.

Okay, yeah. Like 15. Yeah, okay.

So was that all the different kind of vendors there were? Yeah.

What were other kinds? Like there was, so there was walking in, the brochure table, the charcuterie people, then the bar, then the DJ. This is like along the back wall. And then in the middle, there was the two jewelry people. And then on the back, on the this wall, was that parallel? Yeah.

Yeah. On the parallel wall, there was like the DJ was like taking up a corner. Do you know what I mean? Like a corner. I know a corner is that. And then the flower arch and then like something on the other side. I didn’t go to that back corner. It was far and I didn’t want to. And then in the middle, there was the dresses and then on the far like nearest to the entrance, there was the makeup. Okay. Cake.

What were the makeup people like?

I don’t know. She was doing makeup. So I just left her alone.

Oh, did they have like makeup supplies you could buy there? I don’t know. Or was it just a makeup artist?

I bet it was a makeup artist. You’re betting. Yeah. See, maybe it was a makeup artist.

Like it was probably somebody.

Yeah. It was like just a guy doing makeup. No, it was a lady. Okay.

This is some hard hitting investigation you did.

I didn’t like it at all. I can’t, I feel like I’m not adequately describing how much I didn’t like it.

Like your description of the event.

Have you ever been like the first one to show up at a concert? Yeah. Like a small concert? Yeah. It was like that. It’s not so bad. Real bad. I didn’t like it.

You get to set the vibe.

And like a concert where everyone else knows everybody and the band, but you don’t know anyone. And you’re like, why did we go to this show? We should have gone to a different show. We don’t like it here.

You know, you said you were there for about 10 minutes, but based on your description, it sounds like you were there for about 20 seconds. Enough time to do a circuit of the room. I did two circuits.

It was like 10 minutes. Probably. It doesn’t matter. You’re time blind. I am time blind. But I texted mom on the way in and out.

You don’t even know what these words, minutes and hours and seconds mean.

Well, so time is a scam, first of all. Also weddings are a scam. How early did you have to get up for your wedding? Not too early.

Like what time? I think like eight or nine. That’s not for me. It’s not too early.

I would always have a night wedding.

Yeah, that’s for me. Yeah. So everything at two in the morning. So like, I think it’s the worst Valentine’s Day event that we’ve ever done. Just so you know. Okay.

Even worse than your psychic boyfriends drawings.

Yeah. By like a lot. The good thing about the psychic boyfriends is like, didn’t we do that over zoom?

Uh, we don’t. I think maybe.

Wait, we did a couple of it. Yeah. That was the first one.

Yeah. The first one that we ever had planned, I think that we didn’t get to go to that. Remember there was going to be a chocolate fountain. That would have been the best one, but we didn’t get to go.

Cause I think of COVID. And then the traffic light party that we went to was weird and sad, but like this was worse. Cause at least I got to have a beer when we went for the trap. The traffic light party.

You could have had a beer.

I didn’t know. No one gave me drink tickets. I didn’t know that they were free. I was wearing a pistol. There’s a whole, like if I’m going to be consuming food, I need to, it’s a whole thing.

You just pour your beer down one nostril and it goes right to the belly.

No. There’s a.

This is science. The body is a series of tubes. No.

Not how it works. This is making me want to be at this conversation.

So were you one of those girls that always dreamed about their wedding when they were younger? No. Okay.

Me neither. Yeah. It doesn’t really, well, first of all, I was a fat child in the nineties and as a teenager. So you’re just kind of like, Oh, I’m ugly and boys don’t like me. So that helped a lot with the not having to dream about my wedding. And then as an adult, I’ve never like been excited to think about it because I think it requires all of the strengths that I don’t have. I can’t plan. I can’t manage money. I don’t like any of it. None of it. I don’t want to find a fucking venue for 50 people to like show up to and like, what are we going to eat?

What are we going to do? I hate it. Plus I traditionally always wear black and there’s not a lot of black wedding dresses and the ones that there are, I feel like there’s going to be really expensive.

I mean, all wedding dresses are really expensive. That’s true. Also that. Yeah. Well, to further our episode, I have some interesting wedding traditions for around the world. That’s exciting.

This is for you to judge, Sydney, because I know you love to judge.

So in Norway, brides wear crowns to deflect evil spirits. Like a royal crown? Yeah. So well, at least ornate silver and gold crown with small charms dangling around it. Oh, I get it. It’s supposed to deflect evil spirits.

If we got you a crown, would you do go into more haunted places with us because they deflect evil spirits?

If the crown was cute. Good.

Good to know. Writing this down.

Yeah, we will find one.

But like maybe go look at the people’s jewelry villain line to get an idea of the kinds of things that I like.

We’re going to get the most reflective crown.

Okay, I don’t know, but that seems lame.

That’s going to remove all the evil spirits and send them bouncing.

And then just like a mirror. I mean, we could have a bunch of mirrors hanging from a crown, but.

I don’t think I want that. Does it look cute? You say that. Has like a good shape and stuff. Once you have it on, you’ll feel different. Do I have to have points all the way around? Because I think that looks silly. It doesn’t say. It’s not crowns that I like. It’s tiaras.

You’ll want it all the way around if you don’t want to get attacked from behind.

This is true. Maybe two tiaras. Two tiaras. Double tiaras.

Tradition number two. In Mexico, they have wedding lassos. So they’re made of rosary beads and flowers and they’re dripped around the shoulders of the couple as they are exchanging their vows. That’s nothing like a lasso.

A lasso is like for cows or horses. What are lassos for? So yeah, they’re tying up things. Like you could lasso anything. Doesn’t have to be a cow.

It’s true. You could lasso a person on the street right now.

I would get charged probably.

Maybe the idea is that it signifies the fact that the couple is now tied together forever. Yeah.

With rosaries. Or they have a 50% chance of being tied together forever.

Wedding tradition number three. In Armenia, they balance bread.

Can you balance a bread, Zidney? On what?

You have to balance a lavish flatbread on your shoulders. No, I slouch. Can you balance one on your back? Maybe. They also break a plate for good luck and… You can break things. Are given lavash. Lavash? Levish? Not very good pronouncing that. And a honey by the groom’s mother.

So your mother-in-law would feed you honey. Presumably by hand. Like with her bare hands? Exactly like bare hands. Like Winnie the Pooh style.

So they balance the bread on their shoulders to ward off evil. I don’t know what this is. And eat spoonfuls of honey to symbolize happiness. Spoon falls of honey.

No. That’s better. No Winnie the Pooh’s honey feeding for you.

I like honey as much as the next person.

I think that’s fine. Wedding tradition number four. In the Congo, there is no smiling on your wedding day. You’d be perfect for that Zidney. I would. I would crush that.

If everyone would agree that’s the best wedding we’ve ever been to. The ride in the smile at all. Just scowled.

During the entire wedding day from the ceremony to the reception, the married couple are not allowed to smile. If they do, it would mean they weren’t serious about the marriage.

Do you still have to do the wedding if one of you smiles? I don’t know.

Would you just be like… Get out of wedding. Yeah, an old.

Do you think the efficient yells at the couple, no smiling when they break into a smile? It’s even harder not to smile.

Do you smile when people tell you not to smile?

It depends on how inappropriate it is.

Yeah, it depends who’s telling me that.

So you ever been in school and you have like a strict teacher and they’re like, no laughing and then you’re just like, you did it now. All I can think of is the funniest things I’ve ever known.

I will. Oh, go ahead. Oh, I was going to say like one on one, I could like crush it and not smile. But if I was like looking at my friends, like they’re certain friends where if we just looked at each other, it would just be over.

Or your fiance. I don’t know. Are they funny?

Do you want them to be funny? I don’t know.

You can choose that before this happens. Because I want to be the funny one. And the smart one and the rich one. I think I’m fine by myself.

You can have a dumb humorless brute. That sounds horrible.

That’s what you just described. No, I just want to be funnier and smarter and richer.

Oh. You just want to overshadow anything they could do.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It’s probably good I’m single. It’s probably a good space for me to be in.

Although email us if you would love living in the shadow of a partner in the future. No. We’ll get you hooked up. All right.

In China, they have a bow and arrow. So the prospective husband will shoot the bride with a bow and headless arrow several times and then collect the arrows and break them during the ceremony.

Is that like taking out the last of any frustrations you may have?

It says it’s to ensure their love will last, but I don’t know how that will ensure their love will last. Especially if he accidentally gets her in the eye. That will end the marriage instantly.

Sydney, how many arrows would you let your future partner shoot at you?

Zero. I just, I don’t really trust other people to shoot arrows at me. Nerf arrows. I would do nerf arrows. Someone shot me one time full force in the, you know, like a big super soaker with pump action.

They shot me full force in the eyeball with one and it hurt really bad. So. Don’t worry. They don’t make them that strong anymore. Yeah. I think you were there.

That’s not part of the wedding tradition.

And like all the water like came out of my eyeball fucking sucked. I bet. It hurt real bad.

Like very close range. In Fiji, they will present a whale tooth. So when a man asks a woman’s father for her hand in marriage, he must present his future father-in-law with a whale tooth. Whales need their teeth.

So dad is being presented with a freshly pulled whale tooth. How in love are you with this man at that very moment? Not at all. Not at all. Are you, are you wish you were being given the freshly pulled whale tooth?

No, I think let’s have the teeth of the whales in the whale mouth and just leave them, leave them alone.

I don’t think I would have been allowed to marry you if I gave your dad a whale tooth.

No. No. And that would be for the best if you would thought that you should just go take a whale tooth.

To be fair, I don’t know where you would find one in the middle of the prairies, but. True. In Greece, they shave the groom.

Greek men are hairy. Uh-huh. That’s an all day task.

So the groom’s best man is his barber and pulls out a razor and shaves his face. Like a certified barber? No, he just, his, that’s what his best man does.

Yeah. Even if his best man is like shit at doing hair. Yes, correct.

Are we talking completely shaved from like.

It doesn’t say so. It seems to say just his face. Okay. And then my mother would have to come and feed you honey and almonds.

Okay. Hopefully not when he’s a boost out. That’s right. Sydney, when you have your man after the wedding, do you want him to be fully and completely shaved, smooth like a baby?

No, that’s fine. The Czech Republic, they place a baby on the couple’s bed. Any baby? Yeah. It says a Czech bride and groom tie the knot and infant is placed on the couple’s bed to bless and enhance their fertility.

Do you have something against strange babies on your mind?

What if you don’t know anyone with a baby?

And you get a man to dress like a baby, probably freshly shaved. So he’s smooth like a baby. No. Some Greek man after his wedding. Or in a diaper, a bonnet, big rattle.

Or you just borrow someone’s randomly on the street, you find someone walking down the street and be like, I need your baby.

Does a specify vas to be a baby human?

It did not, but I would imagine so. Maybe not. It could be a puppy.

I don’t like to have day clothes even like touch my bed. So. What if it was a baby mouse? No. I don’t like to have drums on the bed.

What if it was a baby eagle?

No. In Russia, it’s tradition to take wedding photos at the tomb of the unknown soldier. Of an unknown soldier or the unknown soldier? The unknown soldier.

That seems to be difficult considering how large Russia is. Unless it’s like right in the middle of that tomb, that’s a big track for some people.

Well, and yeah, like my one thought is if what if you live on the outskirts of Russia, do you have to take the train? Like does everyone have to get married in Moscow? Because that’s where the like it’s near the Kremlin. So do you have to get married on the steps of the Kremlin?

Putin officiates every wedding.

In Mongolia, there’s the chicken liver tradition. So a Mongolian couple hoping to set a wedding date must first kill a baby chicken and cut it apart to find the liver. And they keep at it until they’re successful. So Sydney?

It’s probably not for me either.

In French Polynesia, newlyweds step on their relatives. So in French on the Marquesa Islands of French Polynesia, once the wedding has come to the end, the relatives of the bride and groom lie side by side, face down on the ground, while the bride and groom walk over them like a human rug.

What do you think of that one, Sydney? You can step on mom, you can step on Giselle, you can step on dad.

Well, I wouldn’t step on people. Who would you step on? Probably no one, because then I feel like they’d be able to assess how much I weigh.

I would also like to stipulate that the bride should not then be allowed to wear high heels. She should have to wear flats. Yeah, that’s a flats thing. Or bare feet maybe? In Romania, they hide the bride. So before the wedding, the guests abduct the bride, whisk her away to an undisclosed location and demand a ransom of the groom. Typical requests are things like bottles of alcohol, food, singing a love song in front of the entire party, etc.

So Sydney, you’re kidnapped on your wedding day.

If you’re only paying a bottle of wine for my ransom, I’m going to be a little offended.

Yeah, you’re probably like a couple beers.

Rude. I’m worth a very expensive one. Unless you’re a kidnapper and I’m worth nothing, don’t get mad.

Maybe a six pack of yop.

Okay, I was looking at yops the other day and they have 18 grams of sugar. Yes. They’re not that big. No.

So number, well, I skipped a bunch, but in India, you get to marry a tree first. Marry a tree. Yeah. So if you’re Hindu women born in the astrological period when Mars and Saturn are both under the seventh house, you’re cursed. According to custom, if you marry, be prepared for early woodhood. Unfortunately, there’s a remedy. You marry a tree first and then have it cut down to dispel the evil spirits.

Hmm. Couldn’t you also marry your worst enemy?

Should you plant another tree? One who can cut a tree? Take a tree, give a tree.

Probably, but I don’t know if everyone does that.

Sydney, if you could marry someone or something and they would die within the year, it would never be traced back to you. Who would you use this power on?

Someone or something? Late stage capitalism. Like a tree.

I don’t know yet that you could marry late stage capitalism.

Yes, you could be married to your job.

And then my job would die? Doesn’t that mean I just get laid off?

I mean, that’s pretty much like being weird. Getting in? Me. Me.

I don’t know, I’ll have to come back to you on that. I wasn’t prepared for such a deep question.

What kind of tree would you hope dies?

I like all trees, just like I don’t, you know, I did a report on aspen’s once. I don’t know the other trees. I know the aspen’s and the pines. Redwood is a tree. Uh huh. Yeah, that’s a big one. Spruce? Yeah, spruce is a tree. This episode is devolved.

Dollar. I like them big trees, where you go and it’s like you walk in the tree chops because they’re so tall. So you hope they die? No, I’m saying trees I like.

What is the most garbage tree? I don’t know. Like one of those sad Charlie Brown trees?

No, those are nice trees. I don’t think I hate any trees.

Our very last tradition, which we did not know about. I feel like though that we have taken advantages at our own wedding, it’s from Canada. At French Canadian ceremonies, they perform a money dance. So the couple’s older unmarried siblings traditionally perform a dance all wearing wacky brightly colored socks. And as they dance guests throw money at them, which was then collected and presented to the newlyweds.

Nice. What if you don’t have older unmarried siblings? We’ve only got one.

Yeah, there’s only one unmarried sibling. So he has to do it by himself. Or you have to do it by yourself.

But I’m the littler sibling. But you’re the only one unmarried. But it’s an older unmarried.

Alright, well that was the last tradition Sydney. When you become a married person in six and a half years time.

I think I’m gonna become a married person.

Which one of these traditions are you gonna incorporate in your wedding?

Maybe the tree one. Oh no, I don’t want to cut down a tree.

You don’t have to cut it down. Maybe I’ll just marry a tree. All you do is marry the tree and then the tree dies.

That’s so terrible. You’re the one who said that that was the baby.

I just was thinking about how I like trees, but not enough to marry one and watch it die. I don’t know, I don’t think wedding traditions are for me. I don’t think weddings are for me.

One of the ones that was told to me by a friend at another friend’s wedding was if you are a bridesmaid more than three times, like in three separate weddings, you’re never getting married and I broke that. I’ve only been a bridesmaid twice.

I’ve been a married maid four times. Oh well. And you broke the curse. I broke the curse? Well, I didn’t know that was a rule. I didn’t until she said it.

So Sydney, would you recommend other people go to the open house bridal show that you’d want to? No. No?

They didn’t even tell me that there was like drinks and cake involved. So, I don’t know, maybe if you’re getting married, they were probably good professionals doing their thing there.

Anything else you guys would like to add? No.

Well, that wraps up our Valentine’s special for 2024. I hope all of you out there go and step on your loved ones when you’re getting married. Go step on them.

And shoot the bride with a bow and arrow.

Shoot your bride with a bow and arrow. And if you are thinking that Sydney is chickened out on her answer, reply to us with your suggestions of trees she should marry that should die. What is the worst tree that Sydney could kill through the act of marriage?

I think our trees are nice trees. So confrontational about these trees. Do you have feelings that you need to discuss about trees?

Grandmother will is going down. Doing okay over there?

Grandmother will is a good tree. I don’t like your tree energy.

Well, that wraps up today’s episode. Let’s leave now. This is your host Chris signing off.

This is Sheryl saying goodbye. Bye.

Thanks for listening to today’s very special episode of the I went outside today podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, spread the joy and share us with your friends or leave a review.

If you really enjoy our podcast and you want to support us in doing more episodes, consider donating to our Patreon or leave us suggestions in the comment section on our website or social media or you can email us at I went outside hodd at gmail.com

and make sure you follow us on our social media is we got Twitter we got Facebook we don’t got Snapchat because that’s for creeps. We don’t have Twitter. We don’t have Facebook and Instagram.

We got Facebook and stuff. Oh, okay. And you’re not gonna do it again. It’s not gonna be as good. Why don’t we in Twitter?

We got Facebook we got Instagram and you can see all our photos and adventures that don’t get turned into episodes because every day of our life is an adventure. Bye.

4.07 – We try witchcraft to get Sydney 9 million dollars.

Posted on by I Went Outside Today

Happy New Year! In today’s episode we review the results from last New Year’s vision boards and decide that witchcraft may be more effective. Sydney, Chris, and Sheryl all come up with their hopes for 2024 and cast magic spells to get them. We also discuss the results of Sheryls’ psychics she paid for last year. Also we review our own 2023 predictions, and make our predictions for 2024.

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TRANSCRIPT:
And we’re live.
Are we? Are we? Are we live?
We are two thirds alive. Welcome, everybody, to this very special episode of the I One Outside Today podcast. And happy new year! This is one of your three hosts, Chris.
This is Sheryl. Hi, I’m Sydney. Shmappy Shmooshmere. And happy new year, Sydney. Shmappy Shmooshmere.
Shmappy Shmooshmere. Yeah. Sydney’s been drinking, as you can probably tell.
Have not been drinking. That Fiji water’s got not Fiji water in it. Maybe.
Don’t out me as drinking bottled water. That’s a planet criminal. What?
I’m drinking canned water.
Yeah, but aluminum is better for the environment, I think. I think. I don’t know. I mean, that’s where it came from. You can melt it. You can melt plastic. Yeah, but it’s not good for the environment when you melt plastic. Yes, no. It’s gone off the rails. I blame Sydney. I didn’t do nothing.
So, Sydney, do you remember what we did last year for our New Year’s episode? No. Do you remember boards being made? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you remember what those boards were all about? Vision boards. And do you know what visions you were having?
No, because I feel like I really didn’t want to make one.
Well, that was evident. You listened back to our podcast from this time last year. I kept asking you why there was a giant empty space on your board.
To leave room for possibilities. To be open to things.
It’s all coming back. And yet, to be open to things is something you have valiantly fought against.
To be open to good things.
And there are no good things in your world.
There’s some good things. You’re just not good at picking them.
Well, I’m insulted. I picked the puppy yoga.
The puppy yoga was real good.
I figured for this episode, we would go over our predictions from last year. Our vision boards from last year. Sheryl and I have also come up with a new thing for this year. If you remember the other day, Sydney, we texted you what you would want most in the world. What did I say? $9 million was one of them.
Oh, yeah, $9 million. So did you get me $9 million?
We will help you get $9 million.
I hate this teach a man to fish crap.
Just give me the $9 million. It’s not that. Don’t worry. That’s bullshit.
But let’s get caught up on our vision boards. See how everyone’s doing on theirs.
Am I supposed to have mine? I don’t.
I wrote it down. I know you’re never prepared. Excellent. I bet you don’t even know where your board is.
Didn’t I make a digital one?
I made the digital one. What did I make? Oh, maybe she did make a digital one.
I would still say I don’t
think you even know where your board is. You made a real one. And then we both made a digital board of you. Yeah, you tried peer pressure me into getting married.
It wasn’t peer pressure.
It was vision boarding. Yeah, we just wanted you to have that possibility. A scam. Marriage is a scam.
I believe that’s what you said last year too. Yeah, some things don’t change. I think you can stop being mad about it because of our Friday the 13th episode. We’ve ensured you won’t get a husband for seven years.
Oh, yeah, from other tricks.
So I believe we’ll go in the order that we presented them last year. Sheryl’s board, she went first. First thing Sheryl put on her board was that she wanted to learn more and figure out her educational situation. And you think you’ve made that happen?
Kind of. I’m still in weird limbo because I’m taking a degree program that no one actually thinks that I can complete 100% online. So kind of figured it out. We’ll see.
Are you going to do the whole thing online or would you go do a course in person?
Well, the university I’m going to is in Simon Fraser. So if I can’t go do it, I will. Well, I mean I could, but I would be leaving Chris with them zoo for five months.
Oh, yeah. So we’ll see. We’ll see what’s going to happen, but I will be, I’m doing a course at a time. So I’ll be in school till I’m 50. So maybe by that point they’ll have more options.
Yeah, gotta stay positive.
In that same vein of education, you also hoped not to have to do math in school.
Well, yeah, I did skip that. I don’t have to do math.
Well done. You also wanted to spend more time journaling.
Yeah, I didn’t complete that as much as I had hoped, but I do spend a little bit more time journaling. You wanted to figure out sleeping. Yeah, that’s still an issue. I recently spoke to three doctors in different occasions and I finally got a referral and I haven’t heard anything. So who knows if their referral is real. I might be back to square one.
Did they usually they’ll say that they’ll call you within X amount of time?
Yeah, and they did not say that.
Oh, you wanted to organize your yarn collection. Did not happen. You hoped the Shag carpet would go away and we do some home renovations.
Shag carpet is still there. Why did you make us do this? It’s just depressing.
Because the idea behind, I think I may have explained it in the episode when we did it. The idea behind the vision board is that you make it and then it’s out into the universe so that the universe will make things happen. What’s up with this carpet universe? We had to replace the hot water tank and fix our car and what was the other thing?
The fence came out pretty expensive. Oh yeah, that’s true too. But the fence was planned this year.
Yes, the other two were not and they also both happened within seven days of each other. So that was also not fun. Damn.
So the fence is sort of a renovation. The new shiny hot water tank is a renovation for our laundry room. That’s exciting. You wanted to find out more about family history. Also did not happen. You wanted a work raise.
I took a pay cut of almost $1400 a month so also did not happen.
Let’s say that one’s disqualified because you went to a different company. Although also to do with money and things that didn’t happen. The podcast to make some money. Yeah, it did not happen.
You wanted to do one unassisted chin up. Still hasn’t happened. And get a second doggy. Also did not happen. So Sydney, you left room for the possibility of good things. Yeah. Did you let those good things into your life?
Yeah, I got a sad lamp and I don’t feel like dying this year. So that is a good thing. So you got a lamp. I got two lamps actually. I got a lamp for home and a lamp for the office.
You’re two lamps richer now.
I’m two lamps richer. Good job. And they’re both sad lamps. And I think while we’re having a really weird winter. So I’m waiting to find out if maybe the reason I feel like doom and gloom and dying in winter is because of the snow. So, but I’ve been in a way better mood. That’s good. So either I am actually on the side of climate change or the lamp is working. We won’t know until we get a heavier snowfall.
So what you’re saying is that you drinking water out of a plastic bottle is just a way of forcing climate change so you can have no snow.
We’ll find out. Okay. Because I don’t know like maybe I am just emotionally allergic to snow. But I feel better. Good. I feel better the last year. Good. Yeah.
You wanted to make more money in your career.
I did make more money in my career.
Well done. Two for two. You also had a collection of animal pictures for us to acknowledge they’re good animals.
That does sound something I would do. What animals? What was I feeling? Well, there’s definitely pigs on there. Yeah. Pigs. I still have not patted a pig. I think I’m just going to go to the zoo and pet that pig even though I’m not supposed to. Because I don’t where else can I go in this world to pet a pig? You got a job at a hog farm. Do you avatars have pigs? Yeah, but they’re for science. Sure are. Because I worked at the place that receives the pigs and one day this guy just burst in and he said the pigs are very upset. They’re biting each other and there’s blood everywhere and I need you to call someone. So I’m really happy I don’t temp anymore because really just more questions than answers.
Well, your next thing on your vision board and you might have to correct my pronunciation. I’m not quite sure what you referred to. You wanted to get a ComTA plus certification? Compt TIA. Compt TIA. Okay.
I did not get it. I’m in the same spot in that course that I probably was last time we talked about this or not much further ahead because some parts of it are really boring. So then I enrolled in a different Coursera course called Learning How to Learn. How’s that going? Good. I’m learning how to learn and I’m learning about focus mode and diffuse mode thinking. Nice. And just working out my trauma around learning before I return to the Compt TIA certification. Well done.
You’re learning to get around your learning trauma. Yeah. Good luck. Thank you. You wanted to learn to code?
No, I can’t code.
You wanted to get over your driving phobia?
I am working on my driving phobia. Well done. I drove to Spruce Grove and got ice cream. Well done.
You wanted your crypto to grow? It is growing. You wanted to organize your pantry?
It’s worse than ever. It’s also worse than ever because all the Christmas stuff is in there. You wanted to lose more weight? No, I had a bad year for weight loss. I only lost seven pounds this year. You lost weight? It counts. Seven pounds is like seven pounds less. Yay.
If I cut seven pounds off of you right now, it would hurt.
If you cut a pound off me, it would hurt. So there you go.
You had the pain?
I don’t know if that’s a good argument, but yes, I have only lost seven pounds. It is an excellent argument. I’m plateaued.
And then you had a, I think it was a cat on the board and it said have fun. I don’t know what that means at all. Did you have fun?
With cats recently? There’s this one cat I like called Chublet that I’ve patted. Does that count? Yes. Okay, you did it. Crushed it.
So after yours, we did the board Sheryl made for you to do more computer training.
Yeah, it didn’t really happen. Well, some of it happened by force because my coworker quit.
So that was me. I did that.
I put it on my vision board. Sheryl’s been working behind the scenes.
Thanks so much for that. It’s really healthy for me.
She wanted you to be happy in 2023.
I am in a better mood than I was last year. Hurray. Yeah.
Yeah, you stopped saying life is trash every second sentence.
I’m not currently trash because I got my two lamps. Well done. And I got new boots on sale. I’m very rich in boots right now. Well done. Because I have Uggs and Sorrells.
She wanted you to get a trip to the mountains.
I didn’t go to the mountains. Still working on that driving phobia. It’s actually very hard to get to our mountains on public transportation. Yes it is. And we should campaign against the wrongness of that. Could we just get a fucking train in this province?
We do have a train. But like a good one that is accessible and easy to use. It’s expensive. It’s expensive. That’s the issue. Like a regular train. Not a fancy train.
To see a raccoon in person.
I didn’t and I tried really really hard. I did see a dead raccoon the other day at the Butterdome Christmas Market. Oh. Like a raccoon pelt. Oh okay. Not a dead raccoon. That came true. I petted it because it was like the live ones are so fast. But when I went out east to Ottawa and Montreal. I searched very very hard for a raccoon. And everyone was like there everywhere just like and then no one could tell me where to see them and then I never saw one.
I would like to point out that in the last little while we’ve actually started to find raccoons in Alberta for the first time. I hear they’re dying in the winter though. Yes they are.
All because you’re a vision board. They’re attracted. The law of attraction is attracting raccoons.
And they’re just like their little hands. Yes they’re very cute.
There is also for you to get a turret house.
I didn’t get a turret house. No.
There is also a desire for you to get a 3% raise on the vision board.
I don’t know how to do math but I did get raises.
So we’ll say yes. Yeah. She also said crypto gains.
I got them crypto gains. Excellent. They’re unrealized gains but I got them crypto gains.
Also on the board was to pet a pig. I didn’t pet a pig. Well to get a place where you’re not living in a dark basement. Nope.
But I got a sad lamp. Yep well done. I just brought the sunshine inside.
For good things to come. Yeah. And your future husband farmer.
Did not get a future husband farmer. Well I tried.
There was a horse on the board and you were very upset about this horse. I don’t like horses. Then we got to my vision board. So visit Stonehenge we did.
Oh yeah. Very fun. Didn’t you say that everyone else was bored at Stonehenge?
I don’t think anyone else plans for what Stonehenge was going to be like when they got there.
Yeah. But you guys said you had a little picnic right? Yep.
To learn sign language which I did not even start on the slightest. Connect more with family which I’ve done a little bit. Spend more time with friends. I didn’t get to do as much as I was originally thinking but I still did stuff.
Good job. I did try get you more times with friends for your birthday.
That was very nice. Be creative and make more stuff which I’ve done. Yep. Learn more guitar which I’ve picked up my guitar once in the past year.
Crushing it. I was just thinking of learning guitar again too. But I have stubby fingers.
Yeah you can be guitar friends. Guitar friends.
I had cinnamon buns on there which we’ve had quite a few cinnamon buns this year. It was very very nice. Sydney with a fish holding husband. Didn’t happen. Again listen to our Friday the 13th episode for why that didn’t happen. Rude. And why it won’t happen for seven years. That’s fine. So vision boards are only about I’d say what 25% successful. Yeah if that. And you can’t really predict what you actually get out of that 25%. Yep.
More pigs next year hopefully. More pigs.
So this year we decided that what we want for the next year we should achieve by means of witchcraft. Yes. And magic. Yes. Which is why we asked you what you wanted most in the world so Sheryl and I could track down a magic trick or not magic trick a magic spell in order to make it happen. Excellent. So we did it for you.
We also came up with our own personal things we wanted to have happen this year and we looked up the appropriate spells for that as well. Yep. We got all the magic supplies and we are going to do them now. Excellent.
We’re going to do some magic. Hence the circle in our living room.
Oh I stomped through that a bunch of times. I didn’t know what that was for. That’s fine. Freddie was laying in it. I even fucking wondered if it was for witchcraft because it would seem like some shit that you’d be up to.
It is. Really it’s there just so we could have a visual circle to work with. In the spell it just says you make a protection circle. Because it doesn’t say with what. But I figured for the spell that requires that we would need a visual aid for the actual circle itself to know where it is.
Got it. Aren’t we supposed to be in the protection circle? Whoever is casting the spell will be.
So Sydney do you want your nine million dollars now or do you want to wait? Now. So you’ll go first. I regret it. You can change your mind.
What if I make a mistake at the spell?
Demons. Then you owe nine million dollars. Excellent. Sydney can you describe what you see in front of your very eyes?
A green candle with being held up by two binder clips. And a plate and a spoon and matches with a bird. A red bird. A red bird. Correct.
The binder clips are just because we don’t have a candle holder for tapered candles.
Like a dollar at the dollar store?
Well so we went to the dollar store trying to find green candles and it was a whole fiasco because apparently people don’t want to make green candles. I would have just thought sold out for Christmas.
What were the other things I just said in front of you?
A diggin stick?
You’ve done so much gardening we can tell.
Listen you worry about your own gardening knowledge and I’ll worry about my gardening knowledge.
You’re a poor mother she keeps gardening and you haven’t learned anything.
No I don’t do the gardening. And a leaf and a sharpie.
That is true. So to start the spell Sydney take that sharpie and on the leaf write nine million dollars.
Okay this is kind of hard to write on I think. Well you better figure it out. Do you think I have to write it or spell it? Like the number nine? Do you think it matters?
Just make it clear that it’s nine million dollars.
I’m gonna spell it. Okay. I’m gonna do I feel like it’s not good.
Does it say nine million dollars on it?
Yeah but the A’s kind of jibbled. That’s okay. Okay.
Alright place the leaf underneath the candle.
Are you gonna get mad at me if I start a fire in your house? We put matches in front of you.
There are three adults in this house right now.
I’m not really an adult so. Light the candle. I thought I was supposed to be in the circle.
No that’s for a different spell. Okay.
Take the match and light the candle and focus on your intent for nine million dollars.
For what I’m gonna do with it or just for having it?
Just for having it. Just for having it.
Light the candle and focus on my intent. Yep. I don’t really like matches.
Okay now focus on the candle on getting that nine million dollars. And you need to keep thinking about the nine million dollars until I tell you to stop. Think about all the things you could do with nine million dollars. How many pigs you could buy with nine million dollars?
Think about the turret house you could buy with nine million dollars.
How many pigs could fit in a turret house? Keep focusing on the candle. I’m focusing. Nine million dollars Sydney you don’t want to lose out on nine million. You got to think about having in your sweaty little hands. I don’t have sweaty hands. Nine million dollars. Kingly some. Be queen of pigs. Pig. Look at the candle.
I am looking at the candle. You look at the candle. You just looked at me. You’re ruining this pal.
You just lost one percent of that nine million. Eyes open on the candle. You’re not done yet. You still need to focus on nine million.
Chris is distracting me. That’s what brothers do though. He says if you focus on Chris might end up with nine million brothers.
Yeah you don’t want to blow it. Think of how hard dad would have to work to give you nine million brothers. You’re not helping. You want nine million dollars. Just like it says on the leaf. Think about how you could hire professional organizers for your pantry. With nine million dollars. No scratching your face.
I can scratch it if I want to. Am I supposed to stare directly at a candle flame for this long?
You’re supposed to be focusing on it.
How do I focus with a little stare at it? With your intentions.
There’s nine million dollars at stake here Sydney.
I mean you could stare slightly below the flame if you don’t want to stare right at it. If it’s hurting your eyes.
Think about where this money could come from.
How long do I have to do this for?
I’ll tell you when. Maybe your worst enemy dies. But they put you in their will by mistake.
I don’t have a worst enemy that has nine million dollars.
They had secretly won the lottery right before they died. But they put all of their fortunes. And they’re going to give it to you.
I feel like it’s going to be more of a crypto situation. Look at the candle. I’m looking at the candle. I’m looking at different parts of the candle so that they don’t feel left out.
No you looked at me. Look at the candle.
You are fucking up this spell bro. You’re a bad witch.
Nine million dollars Canadian. You could go travel to New York City and see Hamilton live from Broadway.
Look at the candle. I think it’s a different cast.
You could buy a mountain. Can you buy a mountain for nine million dollars? I don’t know but I’m sure somebody’s tried it. Could you Google it? Sure. Of good mountain.
Not bad. I would really appreciate if you take my ADHD into consideration before you make me do these things.
Nine million dollars Sydney. Your ADHD can wait for nine million dollars. I’m getting bored. Not much longer now. Anytime you get bored just think about where you’re going to store nine million dollars in your house. I want to keep it in a bank. Put it under the mattress. No.
Not like cash it’s dirty.
Maybe in a big silver suitcase. Maybe in a storage unit like Walter White. Nine million dollars Sydney. Look at the candle.
I’m looking at the candle. I’m looking at the bottom of the candle so don’t feel left out. You just looked at me. You’re making me mad.
So you can buy a mountain. You buy the piece of land that the mountains on for like one to two million dollars.
Witch Mountain. You could buy Witch Mountain. Sheep Mountain. Do I have sheep on it? Nine million dollars Sydney. Focus. Nine million dollars. Look at the candle. I’m looking at the leaf. It’s not my fault. Focus on your intention. Nine million dollars. You’re not helping. You could buy a mountain. I
could buy a brother that’s shut up.
Put a big fence around it. And have pigs climbing all over this mountain. Nine million dollars. Buys a lot of hog feed. Just a scooch bit longer. And then sometime this year. You will get nine million dollars if you did this spell. A hundred percent correct. I feel like it’s gone wrong. Keep thinking about the nine million dollars. Okay. And now take that spoon. And snuff out the flame. Do not blow out the candles Sydney.
I don’t know how to snuff out a flame. I don’t appreciate having to do a flame snuffing. I don’t appreciate having to do a flame snuffing. I don’t know notice.
I gave you notice right before you had to do it. I did it. Alright. So the last portion of the spell. You grab that diggin stick as you call it. Diggin stick. And pull your leaf out from under the candle. What? Take your leaf out from under the candle.
How? Lift up the candle. It’s going to fall over.
Will it? Here. I’ll do it for you.
No you don’t use the diggin stick. You use your hands. Oh. You dummy.
You said use the diggin stick. I said pick it up.
You picked up. Alright. You could do that. But it’s not going to work for the next part. Why would I do that? Just spooning it up.
You said diggin stick. You said diggin stick. I’m doing it. Do I have to go on the side? Yup.
So now you have to take the leaf outside and bury it. And I think if you just went into just the front of the house and buried under the gravel it’ll be fine. Because I think the dirt is pretty well and frozen by now.
I’d rather be poor.
So you’ve stared at the candle for like a crazy amount of time.
I didn’t know what the diggin stick was for.
And now you refuse to bury it for nine million dollars.
I’m doing it. I’m going.
This is why you’re poor. You know what?
This is exactly why you’re poor. This is why I’m poor.
I put it under some rocks.
Good job. And we’ll leave it there.
But only after I tried to dig up your lawn. Was I done the spell? All you have to do now I pat the dog in the middle of the spell.
Is enjoy the satisfaction when the universe creates a way for you to have what you want.
I went a little sideways. I don’t know if that was a nine million dollar performance.
I would also like to point out you didn’t specify nine billion dollars in what currency?
I said Canadian in my head. But you didn’t write it on the leaf. But dollars is only so many different I wrote nine million dollars on the thing.
Well, so I looked up the poorest country in the world in its Liberia.
And they also have dollars.
So nine million Liberian dollars is 65,000 Canadian dollars. That’s not so bad.
Still pretty good. Either way, you’re getting a ton of cash any day now.
We get all at once. But I pitted that dog in the middle of the spell.
That means he gets nine million dollars? No.
The spell was ended when you buried it.
Okay, good. Also, people were outside trying to walk their dog. Well, I was trying to jam a dig and stick into your front yard. I just thought I could use all my body weight. But like the ground is really frozen. Yeah, it is really frozen.
Yeah, that’s why I said it was okay if you just put under the gravel.
Well, I don’t do anything by half measure. All right. It was very boring. I would like more stimulating spells in the future, please.
Well, this next one should be more stimulating. Would you like to do yours, Sheryl? Sure.
I can.
I’ll guide you through it if you’d like. Sure. That works for me. So Sheryl wanted a spell that would get her a new job. She’s been applying. And applying.
But she’s not getting like the good jobs that she wants.
It’s a bad market right now. I have a few jobs that it says that it’s in progress and then nothing has happened in months.
So for this spell we’ll need three candles an orange candle for charisma a purple candle for wisdom and a yellow candle for positive life changes. We’ll also need matches or a lighter and one handheld bell for attracting positive energy. I want to ring the bell. Sydney, you’ll probably want to say Sheryl in her spell casting. Can I ring the bell? Sheryl has to ring the bell.
Stupid. But you can hand Sheryl things. Okay, so to start you’ll want to be at the northernmost point of your space in the circle which is where the ball of the yarn is. And to begin this ritual you cast a circle of protection which we’ve outlined with the yarn. And you’re going to begin to walk a clockwise circle around it three times and you’ll need to recite this.
I’ll read it to you and you can respond. As you walk clockwise circle around it three times you’ll say I call upon all spirits of good will. To protect the work done in the circle.
This space is sacred and cannot be breached.
The space is sacred and cannot be breached. There’s Charisma, Wisdom, or Puzzle of Life Changes. And your most important candle goes on the northernmost point. Okay, well then that would be important life changes, little yellow. And then the other two should be placed in the southwest and southeast points. So make your triangle. Alright, so you’ll need the matches and the bell for this next point. And stand in front of the northern candle. So ring the bell loudly three times. And light the candle. And repeat after me. May the powers of positivity guide my path as I seek their career for me.
Now move to the southwestern candle. And which color candle is it? Your home. Ring the bell loudly three times and light that candle too. Repeat after me. May the powers of Charisma support my journey as I seek their career for me. And we’re going to move to the third candle now and repeat the process. Okay, and repeat after me. May the powers of wisdom support my journey as I seek their career for me.
Now that all three candles are lit, return to the center of the circle and close your eyes. And take a moment to visualize as clearly as possible the job you’re looking for. And when you have the clear picture in your mind, raise your arms above your head and say, I place my intention of a new job into the hands of the universe. May the spirits of fortune, luck, and perseverance look with favor upon me. So moat it be.
And to conclude the ritual, extinguish your candles beginning with the one you lit last and ending with the one you lit first. And now walk three times around your circle again, but this time counterclockwise. And repeat after me. The magic is done and the circle is open.
May all who gathered here depart in peace as friends. And may the universe grant me my intention of a new job. So moat it be. Okay, once you finish your third lap, you are done. Oh, Freddie’s helicoptering. He’s excited.
Now he’s trying to eat a candle. So now we’ve gotten Sheryl’s spell all cast to get her a new job. And we’ll move on to my spell here. I wanted to do a spell to make more success in my freelance side business art career.
Selling art has sort of taken a downturn in the last year for me and a whole lot of other artists. So I’m figuring I’m going to take the step into witchcraft to get ahead of the game.
Chris’s witchcraft last time went very well. It did go pretty well last time. I got them witchy powers.
So I’m going to draw a sigil of the sun and Jupiter on two sides of a piece of parchment paper. And now that I have that drawn up, I need to recite this spell. My iron will, my patience skill within this talisman instill that I may fare successfully as I will so moat it be. How very she experienced. I’m very she experienced.
It’s in these eyes bugged out. It was too much.
I got to get the attention of the spirits.
Like politely though. Probably like hey, hey spirits.
Politeness only gets you so far. There’s no success like excess Sydney. Scrunchy face. Then attach the sigil that I drew to an object associated with my work and keep them both on your altar together. So I put it on my drawing tablet in my studio, my little home studio. And I think it should start doing its work any moment now.
Excellent. Do you feel nine million dollars richer yet?
No, I was just thinking what if you did it wrong and then it loses all his art and a flood? It is a second floor. Big flood.
We’ll all be dead.
Now we’re onto the predictions section of our New Year’s show. Last year Sheryl had gotten us psychic greetings for all three of us to tell us what we would make happen in the year 2023.
Excellent. Now that it’s nearing the end of 2023, we can see how many of these come true. We have a few, while we’re recording this at the start of December. So we still got a few weeks left
to see if any of these come true. Well we said happy New Year in the opening. Yeah. But it’s not even happy New Year yet.
This gets released in the New Year.
It will be in the New Year. You know how time works, right? I’m just saying you’re like, I thought that we were fake pretending it was the New Year. I just thought we were doing lies.
We don’t start off these episodes with hello in the future.
Maybe we should. Next time. Next time.
I’ll read these in order of the readings that we had done last year. So the first one Sheryl had read the psychic readings she had gotten for me. The first one was that I would make a breakthrough in making financial gains in the summertime. Did that happen? It did not happen. In fact I had some pretty bummer art shows in the summertime.
Yeah. But everyone did because it’s a trash economy.
I mean maybe like I could have made nothing. I don’t know. Yeah.
You could have made nothing. I made better than nothing. There you go. Mm-hmm. Equipping such a negative Nancy.
But the psychic said I would not make the money in a traditional way. Which is why Sydney thought I would become a secret gambler. Yeah.
Which I haven’t been proven wrong.
I don’t think crypto though is gambling. Crypto is a little bit gambling.
Sydney is a huge fan of being unable to prove a negative.
Love it. It’s my favorite. Yes. It’s the way to go. You should get a job as a psychic. I think I’m just still in that psych-curious range. That’s fair.
Flashback to Sydney’s psychic detection agency season one. I did not solve that crime. You should try some other ones. Sometimes they offer rewards for solving like a murder or missing person or finding a violent offender.
That could be how you make your nine million dollars. I feel like that’s not the kind of thing you want to try and find out you’re bad at it because of the great families.
It’s fine. That’s what happened to Sylvia Brown. She was still popular.
So from my readings we went to Sydney’s readings. Here’s a point where Sheryl and I, this is a callback to our Bior resonance episode we recently did. We need to apologize to Sydney because in our January episode last year she explicitly told us we’re not allowed to take her hairs and send them to people.
I had a premonition. And what did you do with my hairs? I not only had a premonition, I specifically said don’t take my hairs and send them to people. You’ve even put my hairs in the mail. You’ve been sending them all around the town?
Technically only to Ireland. I do want to go to Ireland. Well your hair’s been there now.
So we apologize for going against your boundary.
Your apology is not accepted.
We promise not to put your hair in the mail.
That just leaves a lot of room for other people. Just don’t take my hairs. But you leave them everywhere. You’ll worry about where I leave my hairs. Worry about your own hairs.
But into… Hair criminals. Into the actual prediction here. Sydney you’re going to need to get clear on what you want from your future relationships or you should have done that starting in January.
I didn’t do it. You didn’t think about what you wanted in terms of relationships with people? I feel like I just was clear on that what I wanted was not to have a relationship. I’m not even taking care of me. I don’t have time to take care of you.
You were also supposed to take things slow before jumping into something new. How slow have you been taking things Sydney?
Like average. I don’t know. Have I done anything new? I don’t think I have.
That’s very slow then. That’s very slow I guess. In the second half of the year, so I guess since June you were supposed to have new romantic opportunities. Boys and waiting? No. Blowing up your DMs?
No. Actually someone did message me on Instagram for like sugar daddy relationship situation. And I wrote back and said I can only accept payment in Sheeb and they blocked me. Well it was close.
Could have got your 9 million right there.
In Sheeb. I think that’s about as much as I got on the romantic front. I also think it was a scammer. It just seemed like maybe it was a scam.
I mean, if I was a sugar daddy, I’d probably just reach out to random ladies on Instagram too. It’s weird. How would you go about being a sugar mama?
I would just first of all keep all my money to myself. Like a dragon. I would be a wealth hoarder. You would become the problem. But with more pigs.
But don’t dragons eat pigs? Bobcue. No.
You’ll experience tranquility and harmony in your future relationship?
Real harmonious with myself. It’s working out real good.
How are things going with the sugar daddy?
He blocked me.
He didn’t unblock you and apologize? No.
Which I did feel was rude. Don’t you think though him blocking you is harmony? You don’t have to deal with him? Yeah. Okay.
At this time last year when we were recording you did have a dream about bears and we told you to be on the lookout for men resembling bears.
I did not see any man bears. Yes you have. There was not a man bear at the Furry convention. Yes there was. Whatever. There was a panda man. I didn’t see him. I said I have not seen any man bears and I don’t remember seeing a panda guy. I swear to that dragon.
How many walls did you walk into at the Furry convention with your eyes closed? You don’t worry about yourself.
I still remember us being in the stairwell and those people didn’t know if we could go through the door or not. And we were right behind them and we had gone through that very same door and you didn’t speak up at all. You were perfectly fine getting trapped in the stairwell with a bunch of furries.
You would still be there if it was on me. You would still be there.
You knew the way out.
I was afeard. And you didn’t help at all. Strangers? I was a stranger. Yeah it was horrible. Okay.
So now we move on to the psychic readings that Sheryl had gotten for herself. And these ones were more detailed. Less vague like Sydney’s and I’s. It was broken down by months so I’ll go into the months here. Yeah how come you got such a better one?
I just picked three at random and I picked mine. I think it was the middle price range and it just happened to be this woman did her reading like this.
So January you were supposed to be joyous and happy.
I can’t remember. Probably was. It’s New Year’s.
Yeah. February you either would move into a new home or maybe a new career opportunity.
Zero of that happened. We’re still in the same home. And I mean I switched jobs but much much later in the year.
March every area of your life speeds up and you feel drive and passion in your work and personal life.
Did not happen. I was starting to feel a little off put with my job the opposite.
April you rekindle the spark with your partner.
Cannot confirm or deny that statement.
I believe that’s when we went on our honeymoon. It sure is. So that’s kind of tiny one percent. Well I just we were already sparky.
Yes. I was going to say I don’t know how much detail your sister wants to hear about our spark and our relationship. I’m good. You’re sure. Me I’m good.
In May you achieve financial independence. Lots of money coming in at this time.
Financial independence from you.
All you said was financial independence.
Interesting. I mean I was getting paid more back then so kind of accurate.
June was supposed to be much like May. Okay. July a change in your life will occur and it may have to do with love or relationships.
Don’t recall any. No. Now zero things.
August a new growth phase with a pull towards education. I mean I definitely went back to school. September any situations causing you stress come to a close this month.
New fence was built.
It won’t blow over in the wind. That’s right. October new beginnings will ignite a fiery passion in you to bring to life an idea or vision and you’ll be successful in it.
Well I wasn’t really successful in any visions in October per se but I guess I didn’t specify when. So you could argue that my new job and applying for more jobs may lead to success. It just doesn’t specify when.
In November you’ll feel triggered when someone from a past emotional relationship will try to make their way back into your life. December.
November he said. I know but something in December occurred that was semi along the line is definitely triggered by a past relationship. But that was definitely December. And they weren’t. They were not trying to come back into my life.
And for December which we as of time of this recording we got a couple weeks left you’ll be moving on in life independently. This is when we were talking about it sounds a lot like divorce. Yeah. It’ll be the end of a love situation but after an intense and conflicting time you’ll feel at peace with your decision.
I can’t even try and think of a way to make that vaguely fit any situation. It would be very sad to have gone on your honeymoon in April and then get a divorce in December. It happened. I’m sure it does.
You hear those celebrity stories.
Well you gotta do all the travel and then it’s like what’s left so that’s pretty good for me. Let’s do the trip and then just like cut our losses and not be miserable for ten years. I see.
So with Sydney’s sugar daddy situation I think her predictions came out the most accurate.
Good job Sydney. Well he just sent one message and then would not pay me in sheep. I don’t know about that. Sydney’s
got her price feature sugar daddies. Yeah. We’re gonna wrap up the episode with our predictions. I’ll start with the predictions from last year that we had all made and I’ll cover how true those predictions were. Okay.
And then we’ll come up with our own predictions for 2024. Sydney’s playing with the digger stick. I just wanted to hold it. So Sydney made her predictions first. You said you would pat more animals. I’ll pat some animals. You also said you’d still be miserable.
I’m not actually that miserable. Get yourself a lamp. Get yourself a bunch of lamps.
Along the lines of wealth you said the rich will stay richer and the poor would get poorer.
Yep. Inflation is ruining everything. Welcome to late stage capitalism.
It’s true. According to stats can in Canada this past year it was the fastest. The fastest increase for the divide between the lowest class people in the highest class. Well done. So at this point Sheryl and I had told you that you had to make actual real predictions.
I don’t like to make predictions because I don’t like to be wrong and I feel like you don’t respect that about me.
That you don’t like to be wrong? Yeah.
Well we can see how right you were. Your first was that Starlink would fall out of the sky. Has it happened? No. Actually in February due to a geomagnetic storm 40 of the first generation Starlink satellites fell in a spectacular fashion. It was all over social media and went viral. Boom. Because they all fell down in a big row.
Called it. And you were afraid about being wrong. Yeah.
I should have more belief in myself.
Also earlier this year a bunch of the version 2 of the satellites were launched up and a whole lot of them had defects. They had to send down one on purpose. And they’re still deciding on what to do with about 27 of the other ones.
Should we be worried about space garbage? Probably. I’m worried about earth garbage. I can’t take on more worry about space garbage.
So I have an answer for you on that question you just posed. Okay. So there’s about 5000 Starlink satellites up right now. Elon’s just sending more and more up. In October of this year the FAA predicted that due to errors in SpaceX’s satellites and how much they’re sort of overstating how well they’re doing with manufacturing and getting them all up there. The FAA predicts that by 2035 there’s a 60% chance of SpaceX debris falling down and killing someone.
That’s high. That’s real. 60% when you consider the ocean? Yep.
Yep. That’s really high. Yeah. Why are we letting this guy just put all these things in this guy? Because he’s rich. Because he overstated how well it would all work out. Just to give you a point of reference, before that you had about a 2% chance of getting hit by space debris.
I didn’t know you had any chance. Oh, there was always this chance. Yep. Cool. Thank you for the nightmare fuel. You’re welcome. You asked.
2033 you just don’t go outside anymore.
Or if I don’t want to pay rent then I do go outside.
That’s right. So your second prediction was that the UCP gets voted out of office?
Did not happen. No. Zero occurrence. That one stings.
We’ll move on to Sheryl’s prediction. Your first prediction was that Putin would be assassinated? Did not happen. Damn. In May, Putin claimed that Ukraine did try to assassinate him with a drone, but the claim is largely unsubstantiated. It was mostly likely propaganda.
100% was propaganda.
But in June, Russia’s mercenary group Wagner started marching on Moscow. That was held. And intended to take over the government.
That was pretty crazy.
And I think they came super close to Moscow by the end. Putin was in his personal jet. He had bailed. Wow. Yeah. And at that point, they managed to work out a deal with the Wagner mercenary group. And then in late August, the leader of the mercenary group and a bunch of the key figures in the group mysteriously all died together in a plane crash.
Oh, magic. Super mysterious.
So I’d say with the mercenary group, you came really close to something happened in the Putin. You had also predicted a new species of tropical bird would be discovered. There are a lot of birds discovered. Yep. But I’ll bring up two of them.
Two new species of poisonous birds were found. Nice. That’s cool. The Rufus-naped bellbird and the Regent Whistler. And these are both a new guinea. Nice. They carry a powerful neurotoxin that’s the same that’s found in like poison dart frogs. Neurotoxin that by forcing sodium channels in skeletal muscle tissue to remain open can cause violent convulsions and ultimately death. Nice.
Good job birds. How do they inject it at you?
Well, even just touching them, the locals are not fond of the birds and they steer clear of them. When they’ve tried eating them, their meat burns in the mouth like chili. And that’s how researchers became aware of these birds in the first place. And the toxin can even be felt while holding on to one of them.
They say it feels kind of unpleasant and they predicted this could indicate that the poison serves them as a deterrence of those who would want to eat them to some degree.
Excellent. But we’ve decided they’re spicy and they’ll become the next KFC. Probably.
And so someone dies. Uh-huh. On their heart stops.
We already feed people fatty food in their heart stop because of it all the time.
So my predictions were that Marvel would make an entirely AI generated comic. AI is not there yet so they didn’t.
Okay. But- AI is still working on hands.
Marvel got in big kerfuffle with people because in their secret invasion TV show, they used AI in the opening title sequence. Oh. What? About as close as they got. My other prediction was that climate change would force the permanent evacuation of a town or city, which did not happen. But in the US in the past couple years they’ve had to displace temporarily about 3 million people over the year. Wow. In the previous two decades the average was about 800,000. Jeez. It’s almost tripled. The amount of people left to move out all the way to hurricanes.
We’re not even psychic and we can make some pretty good predictions.
We’re doing way better than psychics. Yeah. We should do that next year. We make a prediction for each other. Mm-hmm. We’ll wrap things up with our predictions for 2024.
Can I ask chatGBT? Sure. To make me a prediction. If you want.
Yep. But if you’re correct, we give chatGBT all the credit. No. I’m going to predict with the advancement of AI tools, we’re going to see a giant hoax get played on a lot of people that new sources take is correct.
Oh yeah. That’s a good one.
Maybe something like on the level of like war of the worlds where people actually panic.
Mm-hmm. I’m going to predict that the housing crisis gets worse and worse and worse until we’re all homeless.
Well, Chris and I won’t be homeless.
I’m going to predict.
Not until we’re all homeless in 2024, but just like eventually. Or am I limited to only a one year prediction?
We’re doing about two predictions for the next year.
Only for the next year.
Yeah, because we were reviewing at the end of the year. Otherwise I could predict that the sun will consume all of its hydrogen fuel.
Why have all always- It’s consuming Italian and turning into a red giant. I already predicted that. I’m going to predict that Costco is just real good stuff. Just real good stuff.
Costco, please sponsor our podcast.
Please sponsor my entire life Costco.
I’m going to borrow someone else’s prediction. But there’s a lot of talk around like why Elon Musk is so crazy now. And I think it’s going to come out true that Elon Musk is going crazy now because he tried his neural link device and it fried his brain.
That thing that he was putting in monkeys.
Yeah, and you lied about the monkey results.
The monkeys didn’t have a good time. Well, next year is the Bitcoin halving. So I need about a year out from that for my crypto predictions. Because usually it hits its all-time high. Yeah, I’ll double down on that within a year after it’s halving. I think that Bitcoin will have a new all-time high.
So wait, the halving happens next year? Sometime next year, yeah. Then a year after that. Within a year after that. So by the time we record our next January episode you’re saying?
We’ll have a good idea of if I’m right or not. It’ll hit all-time highs. It might not hit it by them, but it’ll hit it within a year.
What a little hit by the time we record next. So we can tell you how wrong or right you are. 160,000. 160,000? Oh right. You did one, we want two.
I did another one. I don’t know what it was.
That we’d all be homeless because housing prices?
I think the housing prices will get worse. Okay, so that’s what you’re going to go with? Yeah. How worse? Real bad worse. So everyone’s on the street? I think we have a deficit of like 600,000 houses or something right now, don’t we? We’re real short on houses and I predict we’ll be shorter on houses. Put that in your soup and eat it. Okay.
What are your thoughts on 2024, Sheryl?
I’m going to guess that a product that we have been commonly using for many, many years, maybe a cleaner or air freshener or just something that’s normally benign is going to be revealed as being a major cause of cancer.
I also… It’s going to be soap. Yeah, well, it’s going to be something, something that we’ve just been covering up for very, very long time and no one has been able to figure it out. I’m also going to predict that… No, I’m going to go with… I’m going to continue with bird predictions. I’m going to say that a species of bird that was supposed to have been extinct is discovered alive. There’s evidence that it’s still inexistent. Yeah. Yeah.
Sounds good. Any particular region in the world you’re going to put your money on?
I mean, I’m still under the hope that the ivory-billed woodpecker will be shown to be still alive. There was some apparent possible footage of it from before Hurricane Katrina and then Hurricane Katrina hit and nobody has seen anything of it since, but I’m hoping it hunkered down somewhere and we’ll find a few something like that.
Some doom, some gloom.
Yeah, and some birds. Some birds. Some birds. Always bird predictions.
A deep fried billionaire’s brain. All of predictions for 2024. We shall see how correct we are when we cover our predictions again next year.
And if our spells have been fruitful.
Well, if I win $9 million, I’m not telling nobody, but there will be some. You won’t do the podcast anymore? Worry about yourself. Or maybe I’ll do it full time because
I don’t have to do anything for money. That’s true. Would you come in here like leading eight pigs on little leashes around you? Yeah. Like a crazy pig lady?
I don’t know if you can walk pigs on leashes.
I don’t know if they like it. Do they like it? I don’t know if they like it, but I don’t think the dog likes it either.
Well, that wraps up our New Year’s episode. Hopefully all of you are having good New Year’s and you’re doing your own magical spells to make things happen for you. If not, I hope everything that you are hoping for comes true. Lose that weight, get that new job, become stronger, more powerful.
Find that ivory-billed woodpecker.
Yeah. Sheryl’s counting on you. It’s true. I mean, we can try, but we can only cover so much ground. This is one of your hosts, Chris signing off.
This is Sheryl, wishing everyone a happy 2024.
Bye. Thanks for listening to today’s very special episode of the I Went Outside Today podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, spread the joy and share us with your friends or leave a review.
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We got Facebook and Instagram. Oh, fuck. Okay. Now we’re going to do it again. It’s not going to be as good. Why don’t we have Twitter?
We got Facebook. We got Instagram. And you can see all our photos and adventures that don’t get turned into episodes because every day of our life is an adventure. Bye.

4.06 – We Take Sydney to a Krampus Play

Posted on by I Went Outside Today

Merry Christmas everyone! In classic IWOT Pod tradition we’re bringing you our annual Christmas Special. This year we take Sydney to the stage play Krampus! A New Christmas Musical. Also in this episode we discuss cat kidnapping, Disney’s trail of dead mothers, and how Sydney has literally spent an eternity in the line-up.

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Transcript:

Welcome everybody to this very special holiday episode of the I went outside today podcast. I’m one of your three hosts, Chris.
This is Sheryl. Hi, I’m Sydney. I did the thing.
This is a very special Christmas episode. Today we are making Christmas, making Christmas, fa la laa. Ha! It took you a moment, Sydney.
No, I wasn’t going to laugh. I was waiting for Sheryl to laugh and then Sheryl didn’t laugh. And I was like, someone better give him a pity laugh.
You only do things that other people do?
And I also got the other song stuck in my head. That’s like… That song. I don’t know what song that is. It’s a Christmas song.
Is that the Ethiopian national anthem? Yeah. Okay. It’ll get stuck in your head later, I promise. I haven’t seen that movie in a long time. You should watch it tonight. Just put one screen on Vampire Diaries and a second screen on the Nightmare Before Christmas. Teach your eyes to point in different directions, much like a chameleon.
Do chameleons do? Yeah. I don’t think that would be enjoyable. I think one show at a time.
You could turn down the volume on Vampire Diaries and then they’d be saying all the lines for Nightmare Before Christmas. That might be funny.
But we didn’t watch Vampire Diaries yesterday. In fact, yesterday we went to a play. We’re recording this in August for our Christmas episode, so we’re a few months working ahead. We went to go see…
Oh, this is the Christmas episode. Yeah. Merry Hisssmass.
We went to go see Krampus, a new musical.
So I was looking for Fringe Plays to send sitting too, and then I saw this and I thought it would be the perfect Christmas episode. So the description is, from the creators of the Fringe hit musicals cult cycle in Imaginary Friend comes a dark Christmas musical about secrets lies and the 10 foot Christmas demon that might be lurking on the rooftop. You better watch out.
And soon as Sheryl pointed this out to me, I was like, that would be an excellent episode. An excellent Christmas episode. So far, I think we’re three for four for Krampus related content. Krampus is going to be the new thing.
Three for four? Yeah, our Christmas episode so far. We’ve had three that have been Krampus related. We’ve took you to Krampus knocked.
That’s the other one.
And when you had your tarot cards done.
Yeah. And now we’ve seen a Christmas musical. Sure have.
So one thing of note, Sydney did message me while she was in line saying she was bored, but I wanted to make sure you guys got there because one of the things with the Fringe Festival plays is if you don’t arrive on time, they will not let you in the doors.
Yeah, that happened to me in Ottawa.
Yeah, I bet it happens to you a lot.
But they don’t put like the cutoff time anywhere, which is like.
The cutoff time is the time that the play starts.
Come on, like the real time though. It was the real time.
We didn’t even tell you what was going on. Yeah, we were so early.
But a half hour?
The most early. That I’ve ever been in my entire life. How’s it feel? I was so bored. And I just wanted to play Wordle, but we had no reception where we were standing in the line. And Chris was also boring.
I told you since we were standing on a tiled floor, you just cut your thumb and play Wordle on the floor.
Yeah, it’s not like a biohazard. Plus then like I can’t play Wordle if I have to come up with the word. Because then I would just know it. That’s called just saying words to yourself.
I did go to this Fringe play with Sydney. Sheryl did not come. She was going to see a Fringe play with a friend of hers. So Sheryl and I went and picked up Sydney and then we dropped Sheryl off right away. And I’ll say now I didn’t even tell Sydney what we were doing.
Well, I thought that you sent me like a screenshot of something that had like a Fringe-esque logo. And then you started driving away from the Fringe and it was very concerning because the Fringe is mainly on white up.
I mean, you still technically were close to white up. I don’t know. I can’t be seeing she in as far. And for your complaining that you got there early, my play didn’t start till 8. So I was dropped off at 6.30. So I waited an hour and a half for my play.
You’re only half as early as Sheryl.
It was an eternity. You slacker. A literal eternity. And yet here we are. We had good seats though. We were very near the front. Awesome.
I made sure of that because Sydney just wanted to go to the back and she’s like, Oh, we’re sitting up close. Are we?
Oh, I don’t. Well, I mean, it’s okay for a play to sit closer. It’s like a status symbol.
Your attitude didn’t like that in the way you brought it up as soon as I sat us down.
Well, you didn’t even look at any of the other seats. You just like picked one without like assessing what was the best seat. It was just a little willy-nilly. That’s how you miss the good seats. And also you left a space between you and the stranger and then it caused like a whole kerfuffle later when someone else was looking for a seat.
A woman who was going to see the Fringe by herself asked us, Is that seat taken? And I turned to the guy next to me and I’m like, is it? And he’s like, no.
It was a whole thing. We had to talk like two strangers. I was like in spirit in the conversation.
You don’t talk to people, Sydney.
No. I went to three different Fabriclands today and two of them people thought I was a store employee. So I got approached by like four random strangers to ask for help and advice. So there you go.
That happens to me all the time at liquidation places. Does it? Do I just look like I work at a liquidation place?
I mean, to be fair, when you dress in all black, that is usually something employees have to do.
I was meeting the owner of the company for our vendor in Vegas and he, I was just wearing black skinny jeans, black converse and a black top and he 100% thought it was a waitress. I was like, no, I’m your client. Good job. I don’t own other clothes.
I’m supposed to dress in white, all white.
I don’t even own anything white. Opposite. It’s not slimming, I heard. Not a white guy. Not a white-wearing guy.
Nice correction there. Yeah. You’re very white.
I prefer the term Casper-esque.
So yes, I talked to people and it was a whole kerfuffle for Sydney who just had to sit there and watch things happen around her. Stranger danger. Which is a funny complaint because you’re at a play. How is that a funny complaint? Because you just had to sit there and watch things happen around you.
Yeah, but I was like expecting the play things to happen.
You weren’t expecting your brother to talk to strangers? No, I hated it.
You know the fact that I can go with you places and you refuse to talk to anyone and I do all the talking? Makes me wonder if you’re real.
Oh, like maybe I’m an imaginary friend.
Yeah, because I’m the only person interacting.
I mean, if I’m an imaginary person and I have to pay rent, that’s pretty upsetting.
It’s a very convincing imagination I have.
Well, we’ll have to test it a beautiful mind style. That means we go find a flock of birds and I run through it.
It’d be amusing about like a third of this podcast is just silence and then I’m reacting to what you’re saying.
It’d be a different kind of podcast.
I wonder how much you’d be able to infer from context of like what the conversation’s about. Because I eavesdrop on people’s phone calls on the bus sometimes and you can like glean a lot of information about what’s going on.
This is a PSA for those of you who ride the bus with Sydney. I’m listening to your phone calls. She’s listening in and judging.
To be fair, most people when they’re on their phone, they talk way louder than they would in real life. Super loud. Yeah, so if you’re going to talk on the bus on your phone, you’re going to have people overhear you.
My favorite is when there’s a guy on the bus and he’s got his person on speaker and he’s screaming into the phone. And you can also hear the other in the conversation. That person’s doing the same thing and it’s just two guys miles apart screaming into the speaker on their phone.
It is good when you get both sides of the conversation. That’s true.
On the topic of imaginary beings, Krampus, may or may not be imaginary. So I’ll say at this point there will be spoiler alerts because this is a touring play. So if you don’t want to hear this, just plug your ears saying, Fa la la la la for the next, I don’t know, 45 minutes an hour. Once it looks like the time has run out on the podcast, you can unplug your ears.
So when you say as a touring podcast, or touring podcast, you say as a touring play, were the people performing it for Edmonton?
I don’t know. We didn’t have program guides for it.
I couldn’t find any information when I googled after about touring or anything like that. Oh, I did. Where did you find it? I found the trailer on YouTube and that was it.
I just googled the name of the play and I found a bunch of articles from like Ottawa and across the country.
Well, I was trying to find the songs. I liked the songs.
You got to learn to Google things. As an IT person, people are going to have questions.
Googling is a very different skill from IT, so settle down.
I’ve worked with IT professionals. They Google for half their job.
Worry about yourself and stop doing away our trade secrets. You’re using hot bot, aren’t you? I use chat and GBT a lot.
You’re using AskJeeves.
Worry about yourself.
Spoilers ahead because I don’t think we can talk about the play without talking about what happens in the play.
Sure we can.
So at what point did you realize that it might involve Krampus?
I saw the poster on the way in. Okay. I said Krampus, musical.
How did that make you feel? Was it exciting?
I was like, oh, this is not so bad because it’s a musical and that suggested to me a low level of audience participation, which was a relief. I was really afraid you were going to make me do some weird improv shit or something. I was so worried about like showing up somewhere and being signed up for something. When we started driving away from the Fringe, I was like, I’m going to tuck and roll. Yeah, fair.
I did tell Sydney that there’s a furry creature involved. Yes. She got really angry.
Yeah, I said no more furry events. I also said we should bail and go to the cat cafe.
Hmm, but your brother would die. Like bring an EpiPen. Do you know how expensive EpiPens are? No. Well, they’re expensive.
Maybe if you just expose yourself more to cats, it’ll get better.
Not allowed to expose myself to other people’s cats.
No, it’s all, sorry.
No. Probably just my own, but that doesn’t feel right either.
You’re the worst.
So we sat down. Sydney got morbidly embarrassed because a lady asked if she could just have the open seat next to us.
We were in the way and we had to get up and get out of the way and get back in the way.
Sydney’s never been outside anywhere before.
Also, why are all theatre seats for midgets? The theatre seats that we had, they leaned back. Little people. As soon as someone sat in front of me, the chair
reclined further than an airplane seat back. Midgets is not a PC term.
Anymore. Oh my bad. It’s okay. I’m sorry. Short people. Short people. The chairs leaned back really far and smashed me in the knees. I didn’t know that. We weren’t saying that no more. It’s okay. I didn’t get the memo. I told you. Well, just now you did. It’s true. And now you said sorry. And now you’ll never do it again. Right.
So the theatre, like how big was it? Small.
I think it could fit around like 200 people. Okay. Small. It was like floor seating and then there was like two floors above us of just sort of like a tight ring balcony seating. Oh nice. I think one or two rows for the upper level. So yeah, it was a packed house. The entire venue sold out. Wow. I bought the tickets early.
Yep. That was a really nice venue too. They had all this outdoor seating and live music outdoors and beers. Yeah.
Charles well versed with this location. Cafe B.C. Clut. Sydney did become worried at one point that we didn’t bring a bicycle.
I just thought is it mandatory to have a bicycle? It is not. Because I don’t own a bicycle.
Didn’t we take you to, oh we haven’t taken you to the kind of, you know, the flying canoe. No. Okay. That’s probably because it’s outside in winter.
Where the devil gave a bunch of sailors a canoe trip in the sky.
But it’s outside in the winter. It is. Do you like the canoe on fire?
No. It’s a French Canadian festival about how some Voyager made deals with the devil to fly back to Quebec to visit their families for Christmas. When is it?
February.
It’s a good February episode. March. Who knows with all this climate change maybe it would be warm in February. That’s true.
Or maybe it’ll be even colder and worse and terrible.
The three levels and on the, just the floor stage that had a bunch of Christmas things set up. Christmas tree, fireplace with a bunch of Christmas festoonery all over it. Chairs, a table with a fruitcake on it. Nice. Or fake fruitcake.
Stage fruitcake. It was definitely fake.
And the stories starts off just one of those, it’s a family in a house and the mother is real militant about having the most perfect Christmas ever.
Yes, those mothers. Like was she obsessed with the point she would let the kids decorate the Christmas tree? It didn’t come up.
Okay. Whether or not. They’re just like, well, they’ve been like cleaning all day and stuff. But also like very distracting. The mom’s microphone, I think was meant to be hidden behind her wig. But like you could just see it taped to her forehead. And then two of the other actors had headsets, which was way less weird than trying to hide the microphone in the wig. And then the little boy, I spent the entire play trying to find his microphone, but they hid it in his hair and he had kind of curly hair.
Oh nice. So I could see the wire like going up his skull on like the back of his head. And then the microphone is hidden in his hair and I couldn’t find it. That’s what I spent a significant portion of the play looking for.
And you were right. It is very distracting because the not letting the kids decorate the tree did come up in song. Oh. They sung it right in front of us.
I was very distracted. I was like, what is that tape to her forehead? And I was like, oh, it’s her microphone.
You don’t remember the little girl character handing the mother an ornament and the mother just threw it in the garbage?
I was busy.
Speaker 4: Whoops. Very nice. You’re busy stage producing someone else’s play.
I just, it would have been less weird if she had a headset or like clipped to the shirt. We’re all staring at you. Well, I miss critical point development because I was distracted by the microphone. Fair.
So, okay. So there’s a song about not letting the children help with Christmas?
It was more to establish like the mother’s character about like how everything’s got to go right. She needs to like make sure she outdoes her older or younger sister. Basically she’s planning for family to come over to the house and she’s going to like one up her sister. Still waiting for Sydney to one up us on Christmas.
It’s not going to happen. I don’t even wrap gifts unless you’re a literal child. And even then I’m like, I’ll be just as excited if I don’t wrap it. That is true. I’m not the Christmas one up her guy.
You’re going to get visited by three ghosts on Christmas and they’re not going to be able to wake you up out of bed.
I think that’s only if I undertake significant wealth hoarding and like abuse a disabled boy named Timmy. Tiny Tim. Oh, is it Tiny Tim? Whatever. Everyone knows what I meant. Also is everyone else a bit like imagining the Donald Duck version? Of the Scrooge.
Oh, no. Actually the first one that comes to mind for me is Muppets Christmas Carol.
Oh, I always picture the Scrooge one with Donald Duck.
So yeah, Sydney did not hear any of the music. It was distracting. Which is funny because at the end you were like, I want to get that soundtrack.
I did like the songs. Yeah. Just because I don’t know all the words to every song doesn’t mean I can’t not like the song. Rude.
So the mom’s making like a huge deal about making everything perfect and she brings up the fruitcake prop that was on the stage saying she’s been letting it ferment for months. Oh, yes. It’s going to be the best fruitcake anyone’s ever seen.
Is that how you actually make fruitcake? Yeah, so it’s ferment might not be the right word, but you were supposed to soak it in rum and it usually put more and more rum on it.
And because she wants everything to be perfect, she yells at her kids to go to bed around 6.30 PM. Wow. And the kids, one of the older brother decides to stay up and hilarity follows where they accidentally destroy the cake. And the older brother decides to teach the younger sister about lying to cover up the whole thing.
That song has been stuck in my head all weekend.
Sydney will now recount the song. No. Singing it in her own voice. No. It’s been in her head.
No. Don’t let it out. No.
Is that the sort of thing you would have done when you were younger to Sydney?
Chris was not lie based. He was more like prank based. Okay. Yeah.
Eventually in the story, he, because the daughter is sort of a dits, sort of like a, has the intelligence of old leaves. Okay. And she comes up with like a bunch of like lies. Her first lie was describing the exact thing that happened. And he’s like, no. And she’s like, what have we lines that I broke in? And he’s like, wait, okay. And he pins it all on her, which is something I would have done.
Although he didn’t sing us any songs about the value of lying. No. So.
He did sing songs about the value of lying.
No, no. You didn’t. You don’t have any songs about lying. It’s true. Which is a bunch of bullshit. I’m not a musical person.
The worst. So then because, how long does it take the mum to discover the fruit cake is the real end?
Pretty much right away. As soon as they’re finished the song about lying, how to lie. Yeah. I should say at this point, so the characters at the start of it are a family. So it’s the mom, a dad and two kids. You know, the mother’s like super controlling and the kids are just sort of like under her thumb and the husband is just sort of like, I don’t know, like a hen pecked. I’ll do whatever she says because I
don’t do any better than her because I don’t deserve her sort of thing. So he’s like constantly agreeing with whatever random assertion the mothers make.
Easily suggestible. And so in all this, every time the mother obviously then is like representing the kids, he’s just like, yeah, you’re right. Yeah.
He’s like, go to bed and he’s like, listen to your mother, go to bed.
The actors were quite good though. That’s good.
The dad had strong dad vibes.
Yeah. He was a dad actor. Yeah. How old do you say the kids are?
This is something that always confuses me in theatre, like when there’s like little kids, but like they’re being played by full grown adults. So it took me like a couple beats to figure out that they’re supposed to be like small children. I don’t know, like 10. Yeah. OK. Although I think there’s a joke about the girl winning like a toddler competition. So maybe she was even younger.
Yeah. She was playing the whole toddlers in Tiara’s part. Like the mother is pushing her to be in the pageant.
Yeah. But it was she was played by a full grown Asian woman. So hard to tell. Yeah. Fair.
The children characters were distracting too because the girl was wearing a 2-2 and the boy was wearing leader hosin.
Yeah. That’s the choice.
And he’s constantly fixing it because the shoulder straps kept falling off.
I wasn’t sure that was like by desire or not. The leader hosin? Falling off like all the straps going all over.
No, I don’t think so. I think that’s just how leader hosins work.
Kind of. There is a clip or a piece in the front that will actually hold the straps up. So if they didn’t have that then. Yeah.
Kind of had something right around sternum level, but still falling off. Before there was a lot of physicality going on.
Yeah. There’s lots of dancing. Yeah. It was all like choreographed dancing. Wow. They just come and say in and dancing and you’re like, Oh, all right. Buckle up and get ready for this journey. Excuse me. Bless you. And no one’s yawning. It’s fine.
Wake up, Sydney.
Slap your face. I hope the crap is drags you straight to hell. Is that what the Krampus does?
Yes. It’s supposed to be kind of what he does.
Yep. It depends on like where you’re from because there’s varying levels. Like sometimes Krampus will just beat your bad children with reeds.
This was also not like classic Krampus.
Sometimes Krampus will abduct children, take them to hell. Other stories have them abducting children to work in the coal mines. We’re Santa gets his coal for naughty kids.
That’s dark. Welcome to German fairy tales.
Coal is still quite valuable as if Santa just would give it away coal for free.
It’s even more valuable since all the labor is unfree. True. Makes all that extra money.
And then what happened? Yeah, I was going to say. You were there, Sydney.
She was too busy staring at the microphone on the woman’s forehead.
It’s true. I was, yeah, otherwise engaged. And then just trying to look for the, I never found that microphone on the. Character.
So I think she just knew how to project the guy.
No, he had a microphone. All of them. No. The girl singers did. They had some wild singing really belting it out. Good for them.
That’s the whole set up there. At one point, the children’s old nanny drops by and she has come to deliver a warning that Krampus is going to or she delivers a warning to the whole family.
Yeah. That they need to come clean about something. And the nanny was like unceremoniously fired at some earlier point. So they’re like, well, the mother is upset to see the nanny. The kids are like overjoyed and they want her to like read them a bedtime story. And so the mother lets her, she wants the kids to go to bed. And there’s this great part where they’re flipping back and forth because they didn’t want the nanny reading them like scary stories or getting the kids worked up. So like every time the nanny tells them the scary Krampus story about how he comes and hurts all like spoiled children. So the father would keep coming into the bedroom and she would like flip it to a story about a polar bear and penguins.
Little penguin. Hugs. She was very theatrical in like her little Krampus hand juster and face justers was just all excellent. That’s awesome. She was maybe the best character.
And it was also like quick pace because like he would like pop it in the scene behind her and she would like switch the song on a dime to like about what it was about. So it was pretty good.
Very good comedic effect. Yes. Good comedic time.
Is she warning the kids about Krampus whole family?
I think she’s just telling the kids the crapest story.
She warned the family first that they need to come clean. OK.
I’m then told this children to the story, I guess, maybe to threaten them into telling the truth if the parents won’t.
Yeah. Because then at some point the kid like that he dropped the fruit cake and not his sister because he thinks that will like get rid of the Krampus because they’ve all come clean but they haven’t all come clean. Yeah.
And it was that point like when the song’s over like the parents are like, all right, get out of here. We don’t know what you’re telling our kids. And then the Krampus appears in the children’s room later and steals their cat. Nice. Yeah. Which bothered Sydney. I didn’t like it. Was it a real cat?
No, but that would have been dope. I don’t think you can get a real cat in a play though.
You might be able to.
They have to be super chill. Yeah. It was a stuffed cat.
Like a 30 year old cat and this doesn’t move anymore. Yeah.
Just pick them up. Yeah. There was like an ongoing joke about the toddler kept calling it a dog. That was kind of funny.
The daughter character was just dumb as a sack of rocks.
That’s fair. Yeah. It happens at that age.
And then they were throwing the nanny out of the house and the Krampus like opens the door and knocks on the door or whatever and drags the nanny to hell or off stage. We assume to hell.
Yeah. He approaches her from behind with a string of garland and then wraps it around her neck and pulls her backwards.
No way. Just regular like Christmas garland, sparkly Christmas garland.
Yeah. Nice. And he’s like a big hump hunchback hunchbacked thing. OK. Yeah.
I’d like the big horns had almost like a stag skull faced.
Nice. Curious about how you get into that costume and what makes it so round or is it too
Maybe they put one of those dress bustles on his back. Maybe. He also had those things, I get to advertise them on Amazon sometimes, they’re like, Fing Longaners. Oh yes. That are articulated, so like they move with your finger moving. Nice. So he had some extra long, long bony fingers.
And was he actually furry like you would threaten Sydney? The legs were. Okay.
Now the legs were. Where the hooves ended. Yeah. Nice. He’s wearing a big red like Santa cloak. Fair, he does work for Santa. Sorry. Wake up Sydney. I only have one coffee today and I’m just like, I don’t know.
Should only watch half the amount of vampire diaries you did. Then you would have went to bed on time.
I didn’t sleep very well. And my ear is popping too. So I’m trying to like pop my ear as well. There’s a lot going on over here. I can tell. Like have you ever not had your ear pop? I can hear my voice so loud here. That’s what it’s like all the time for me. This is hell.
Yeah. Welcome to my world.
I wish I had bionic robot ears.
You can take a deep ingestion and it will pop your ears. Really? Yeah. I didn’t know that. Yeah. That’s what I use to fly. Because otherwise I get migraines.
This is a big learning episode for Sydney.
I just thought if you yawn or if you like open your mouth, it’s supposed to make a pop.
And chew things. Yeah, it’ll sometimes help. It’s not working.
Or if you bend over and put your head lower than your waist and you walk in circles, that will cure it out too.
No, it won’t. I wanted. Now I’m going to get the dog all riled up. Lower than your waist? That works.
I’m pretty so happy to see you. Faster. Did it work? Did it work?
It did not work Christmas. Oh, it worked.
I’m surprised because I did make that up.
You heard it here first. That’s so much better. You’re welcome.
And I got amused at the same time. Everybody wins.
I had a little stretch, got a little blood flowing in my brain. Nice. What are we talking about? Krampus. What part are we at? We’re at the top. He stole the cat. He stole the cat. He dragged that cat right to hell.
He dragged the nanny to hell. He dragged the nanny to hell. And then it’s at the part now where the kids are well and out of bed and they’re with the parents in the living room.
And they’re boarding up the house and everything to keep the Krampus out. But he was already in the house. He took the cat. No, he just took the cat through a window.
Yeah, as you do. Yeah. That’s how I steal all my cats.
Yeah, the Krampus sort of like comes into the house and then does something and then disappears for a good amount of time.
Yeah. And like stomps on the roof and stuff. Kind of like horror movie rules. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don’t think I would sing as many songs as they sung if I was being haunted by the Krampus. That’s fair. And there would certainly be less choreography for me.
I would imagine that the singing would attract the Krampus. Yeah.
They had great dancing though. Nice. And Chris didn’t clap for all of the songs. I clapped. You didn’t clap for all the songs I saw.
I told you I just didn’t clap with my hands.
Because it was a clap with your hands. I clapped at the end. So you have to clap after every song.
I don’t think I have to.
No one’s going to notice one person not clapping. I noticed. Well, you noticed a bunch of things that you should have maybe been not focusing on instead of the actual play.
Absolutely. This is ADHD. I don’t know what to tell you. This is how it is folks.
People singing and dancing in front of you and you’re like where are their goddamn microphones.
Well because I found all the other ones so it was the only microphone I couldn’t find. The mom’s microphone was very distracting.
The mom’s wearing like a bright red Christmas dress and has hair like Peggy Bundy. Oh wow. Just like big hair. Nice. A lot of makeup. The kid’s in leaderhosen and he’s got that Will Ferrell elf. He’s got those like graphic socks on.
Yeah, the socks were dope. Yeah.
Kid in a bright pink tutu and the father in an ugly Christmas sweater. And Sydney’s like microphones. Where are their microphones?
Well I saw all the microphones and then I was like oh where’s the son’s microphone?
Microphones are like designed to be like not distracting.
That was extremely distracting.
Did you not notice it? Everything else they were was so distracting compared to a microphone.
No because at first I thought it was her bangs and then I was like what is that? It’s not moving like how hair moves like what is going on and then she just stepped a certain way in the light and I was like that’s her microphone.
Like it would have been way less weird if they clipped it to her clothes. Did you not even notice? You noticed. This took up a ton of my attention. I don’t know what to tell you I noticed what I noticed. Sorry about your lives.
So other than Chris not clapping what else did you notice about the songs after that?
Alright moving on. No it’ll come I’m thinking of things to say. I just have the just lie songs stuck in my head. Sorry. It’s alright. Just lie. Oh I was wondering when we were watching it did you know that it was a magical sibling adventure when you picked it out? No. Oh it is.
Magical as in that they- There’s a Krampus dragging everyone to hell. And do you get to follow Krampus into hell?
No but you’re like rooting for the kids and there’s a song about being siblings and having each other’s backs and I was like that brother’s way nicer than my brother. My brother’s just annoying. It doesn’t clap after all the songs. It doesn’t notice all the microphones and other little things I notice.
It did remind me that when we were all young kids when we were playing together a lot of our themes around like imagining what was happening and did involve an evil mother.
Did it? It did. Well I only remember playing Time Machine.
It’s usually around we gotta escape our evil mother and I’m sure like mom’s like watching this happen every day for like years we were like what?
What am I doing? To be fair I think that’s less a commentary on our mother and more of a commentary on how all Disney movies a good woman is a dead woman. Like every woman in a 90s Disney movie is like a witch or evil or up to no good or dead.
What about Pocahontas?
Well he got me there.
To be fair to the Pocahontas that Disney did it is inaccurate because she would have been like 12 or 13 so she would have been a child had Disney not.
It didn’t decide the context of the show not evil didn’t it? Yeah that’s true. She got to smooch Mel Gibson which might be worse.
Mel Gibson. Yeah he’s the voice of John Smith. Oh yeah.
I didn’t know that. The raccoon in that movie is so great. Rocket. It’s not rocket you can’t just go around naming everyone names a raccoon rocket now.
I have Miko upstairs if he squeezes stomach he laughs that’s great.
Oh I like that. How do we get here?
What? We just let you take the wheel sometimes.
Oh no because you said that we used to play all these games of escaping an evil mother and then I just went on a tangent about how like whole moms in Disney movies are dead.
Like all of them. That should be the title of this episode.
They are literally everyone’s mom in every Disney movie is dead except for Moana. What about Mrs. Potts? Yeah I’ll show you the deep ball she didn’t get one. Not at the end. That’s true. Many of the mothers. Yes.
So yeah a bunch of mayhem happens you don’t need to go too into detail about it but you do get the the deep dark family secret exposed.
You get all of the valuable critical plot development through songs as well by the way. Nice. So sometimes it’s easy to miss stuff. I watch musicals with subtitles because then I miss again all the plot points.
They need a cue card guy at the front and then like flashing them.
Other things that I was distracted by include the cello with this face when he was playing his cello and the French horn when I figured out there was a French horn there and the piano player.
So with the casting of the show you can tell from the start you know this is not a real family like Sydney like the parents are like your typical average white people. Sydney mentioned the daughter was played by an Asian actress. The little boy character is darker skin I don’t know why he just might be super tan who knows.
Yeah and then they sing about in a song how like they don’t look like their parents. No that’s going on here.
Yep and that comes into play like later on you learn the deep dark secret. They have like a photo on the wall that’s of people that the kids don’t know and they bring it up at one point that like the parents are like oh that’s our friends and they’re like you don’t have any friends because like the mother’s a bit of a jerk and it’s revealed that those are the kids as real parents. The mother character wanted to be so perfect but she couldn’t have children so she decided to take some.
Oh wow. Yep. By orchestrating her friends murder she didn’t take like random kids. She just like murdered a couple people and took their children. Fair.
Like the mother sings it at one point earlier on about like how her friends tragically died in a car accident and she like decided to adopt them and then later on the father gets stabbed with a yard candy cane. Nice.
By Krampus and as he’s dying he decides to sing about like how much he loves his kids and what he loves about them and the mother like barters like sing about me now and like the father it’s like his last minute so he doesn’t need to cover anything anymore so he just mostly sings about how she’s terrible how she lies and manipulates everyone around her. Nice. How she cut the brake lines to the car and then told him not to say anything. Yeah.
I think earlier in the play they she comes out and says that they’re not her kids but that they died like in a horrible accident and then later he reveals so there’s layers and at the very very beginning of the play the little boy is dusting a trophy and she’s like don’t touch that that’s my biggest accomplishment ever and then at the end you find out the trophy is made of the brake pads from the car. Oh wow. The literal trophy from a murder. Lot of good setup and payoff in that play. Yeah nice.
Yeah not a wasted scene not a wasted prop.
Yeah. So do they end up finding a way to get rid of Krampus?
Not really like by the end Krampus shows up and the mother’s like in a big panic she backs up and like has the Christmas tree fallen her and she’s pinned and she’s like well don’t take me take one of the kids and she’s like you’re gonna take one of the kids take the boy. Yeah. Wow. And then the children decide to leave with Krampus. Fair.
And the cat is alive. Nice. Yeah. Doesn’t the nanny come back at some point like the nanny wasn’t actually dead? Yeah.
The kids go with Krampus but at the very last minute like the kid like tosses a lighter on top of the Christmas tree setting the mother on fire.
Nice. And there was lots of smoke and stuff.
Yep. Lot of smoke as Krampus walks away you see the nanny reappear she comes out and kind of sings the epilogue to the story as she’s like looting the body and like stealing things from around the living room.
Nice. Yeah. So did the kids just go to hell with Krampus? Yep.
Dark. I mean it’s better than what they’re experiencing I guess.
Yeah. Was it? Seems like they were getting lots of…
I mean they’d already set their mother on fire.
Yeah. They’re gonna be able to do anything else.
I don’t know where Krampus takes you but I bet like the cops can’t go there.
Good for fugitives then.
Lot of good dark moments. Yeah nice. Yep. So like as the father’s like recounting like the true origin story of the kids the mother puts him out of his misery by yanking out the candy cane and stabbing him over and over and over again. The house lights turn red so like the whole stage is just like blood red.
That’s awesome. By this time Sydney stopped looking at the microphones. No I never stopped. In the last few minutes. I never stopped. I like the wrap up song when they do all the dancing together.
Everyone dances except for Krampus. Fair.
That would be hard dancing in that costume.
Yeah Krampus also didn’t sing.
Also fair. Did he talk?
No. No he’s just sort of like this large looming figure that just sort of comes in and…
I mean same when we were on our Krampus walk so he doesn’t talk he just knocks on windows and gives threatening gestures.
My favorite part of the Krampus walk was eating pizza inside and being warm.
Listen back to our previous Christmas special.
So what did Krampus and New Musical teach you about life?
Mmmm… Don’t marry another control freak. Don’t dress your boy in leaderhousing. How about you Sydney?
Don’t murder people and steal their children. Cancels all your plans. Yeah. Now my weekend’s wide open. And let you should just lie. Just lie. In the benefits of lying.
So after you had seen the play in retrospect now had you known you were going to have such a good time would you have complained so much about being in line?
Yes. You just don’t like waiting? I just don’t like waiting. Which is why you’re always late for things?
Yeah. Well also I just have no sense of time.
We were in line for about four minutes and Sydney’s like I’m about to die of boredom.
Literally an eternity. We were in line for 25 minutes and Chris tried to gaslight me and be like it’s only been six minutes and then my word will win a load. Which adds on another like 20 spirit minutes.
So then you had to talk to your brother about things? Yeah.
How come when I say it’s only been six minutes and it’s been like a half hour at gaslighting and when you say you’ll be ready in six minutes and it’s been a half hour that’s just ADHD and it’s not your fault? Exactly.
How? It just is what it is. I don’t know what to tell you. Plus being on time for things is a scam.
Get to call. We got good seats?
Yeah, but if we had been five minutes late we could have just inferred from context and like still understood the place. They wouldn’t let you in. They shut the doors. Well.
And you also might have to sit next to strangers instead of sitting with girls. You might have had to sit in their laps. Yeah. Or stand for the whole thing.
She’s looking wallied staring into the multiverse.
Well still though being on time for stuff is stupid. Did the chairs in front of you hit your knees? No. You didn’t really smash my knees.
I man spread. That’s fair. Kind of got to anyway. Yeah. Because they are for little tiny people.
And my neck kind of hit the whole time, but oh well. Pain in the neck. Yeah. Being on time.
It is the pain in the neck to be on time. So Sydney, when was the last time prior to this that you’d been to a Fringe play?
June because I went to the Fringe in Ottawa. Oh nice. And then I saw, I wanted to see the paramedic monologues, but I bought the ticket and then it took slightly longer to find the venue than I thought. So the cutoff time was 7.07 and I showed up at 7.07 and they wouldn’t let me in.
And I was like, this is bullshit. I’m not even technically late yet. So I donated $12 to the Ottawa Fringe because they wouldn’t let me in. So then I went and saw another stand-up show and that girl actually came to Edmonton too. I forget her name, but her stand-up routine is called Where Are You From From and she was quite funny. Nice. So that was the last thing I saw.
So wait, you were late for a Fringe play and they shut the doors and wouldn’t let you in and you still don’t want to show up early for a Fringe play?
It wasn’t my fault because I got lost. I was basically on the premises at 7. But I went in through the wrong area and then when they wouldn’t let me in, I went outside and cried on a bench. But then I was like, I already spent $20 to come downtown. So I just bought the next ticket for the next show. Sure. Being on time is too big.
And yet you saw the play that you were meant to go see yesterday.
Yeah. It’s just hard to wait in line and be bored when you… The real problem is that I had no data or no reception. So I couldn’t entertain myself. I joined up with the Wi-Fi. They didn’t have any Wi-Fi there.
That’s what I was on when I was taking your photos and sending them to Sheryl.
That was probably stupid Wi-Fi.
It was working. We got a bunch of pictures of Sydney giving Chris the bird.
Oh yeah. He was trying to take pictures of me at the absolute worst angles possible because he’s a monster. You have no bad angles. The play brother was much nicer than you. Just so you know. He didn’t take any unflattering photos of his sister. How do you know? Because it wasn’t in the play, Sheryl. Are you sure? Pretty sure. 80% sure.
Are you sure you just weren’t looking for his microphone? I never found it.
Are we not in an agreement that that’s so much more distracting than just wearing a headset or clipping it like a lapel mic?
To be fair, because I’ve already… I’ve done a bunch of stuff where I’ve been on stage. I know how hard it can be to do that stuff, so no, I don’t find it distracting.
You really think it was the best place for a microphone on stage to just tape to your forehead?
Sometimes it’s hard to get the right angle or the right place for something. And so I’ve seen stuff like that happen before. It works. It works. Yeah. It didn’t work for me. Fair. I mean, at least you could hear her. I’ve definitely been to plays where like they hung the microphone from the ceiling and then the person who’s supposed to be speaking and the microphone can’t get… Project. Yeah.
And so then the sound just dies, which is also, I say that’s way more distracting than a microphone tape to someone’s forehead. Fine. Fine. I mean, I have hearing problems, so if I can’t hear it, it’s annoying. Hello, Chris. What was the last time you went to the French?
I know it was with you. Yeah. And try to remember what we saw.
I think that might have been the year we did the fake ghost tour.
The fake ghost tour was good. Yeah. You know, like a actual ghost tour, they were they taking you on a walk on city streets and tell you about the history. Yeah. These two guys would take a group of people out and walk around White Ave and make up stuff.
Oh, that’s funny. Yeah. They had some very backwards history and it was pretty fun. That’s pretty silly. Yeah. It was good. We liked it. At one point a Husky, White Husky showed up and they started saying it was a wolf and yeah, it’s a good time.
Huskies are very dramatic.
It was exceptionally dramatic because that wasn’t even part of the walk. It was just somebody’s off-leash dog just trotted right through the group.
Yeah. Feels right that it would be a Husky.
And how did they end every story? It’s like in some say when the moon is bright, they ended every story the exact same way.
So you went to a friend play that required you to get up and walk around White Ave. Yeah. Yeah. That 100% sounds like something you two would do. I like walking. I don’t not like walking, but I’m just like literally dying of exhaustion for my entire life. So like the benefit of a play is that I get to go sit in the dark and no one talks to me. Apparently God is a Scottish drag queen. It is the play to go see. I didn’t know that about God. They played every year I guess.
They left that part out of religion class.
The one I wanted to do, which I won’t get a chance because today is the last day of the Fringe, but the Sherlock Holmes experience, you get to solve a murder.
There was a murder cabaret too. Yeah. That would have been good, but I didn’t even know it was a Fringe all week and then I was like, oh no, it’s over.
Well, I’m glad I got you to go to one Fringe play. Yeah, good job Sheryl. Would you recommend this to anyone who would later go see it on tour? Yes. Yep.
For as simple as like all the stage props are. Dancing, music’s on point. Yeah. Like a lot of times you see like a bad musical and like you just want the songs to end like last time I watched Frozen.
Yep. What are you trying to say about Adina Mansell?
I’m trying to say she could have used a better songwriter. Wow. It’s very definitely good quality play. Writing’s good. Singing’s good. Way better than Frozen. I tell you when I saw Frozen in theatres, there was a dad in front of us with his two kids and by the time the third song came on, he’s like, Jesus Christ, there’s another song.
Why did you go see Frozen in theatres? Mmm.
It was like at the time where like Disney and Pixar were really knocking it out of the park with their animated films.
I didn’t. I don’t think I saw Frozen in theatres. I saw Moana in theatres so that was fucking great. Yeah.
I didn’t see you there so I don’t think you saw it.
Didn’t you also accidentally see Twilight in theatres because you just didn’t know what it was about? I heard it was a vampire film. Yeah. You should have made me.
I thought how bad could that be? You should have maybe gathered more information.
I’m one of those people that as soon as my friends were obsessed with it in high school, I was like, this is gonna be bad. And so a bunch of them were like so excited to go see Twilight and I was like, ugh.
I clued in when I saw the entire, like because we lined up before the movie and I saw all the other people who were seeing the movie.
And then there were not people like me. You know, this might have been a mistake. Yeah. It wasn’t my idea anyway. It’s okay. My friend tried to sell it to me. She was like, this book series is so good. I picked up and read the back and I was like, that’s enough of that. That’s as far as I got. Well done. Yeah.
Don’t invite Sydney to the Fringe Twilight play.
For someone who doesn’t like Twilight, I have seen all the movies because my friends were like, oh my gosh, we have to go see the another. And if you’re having a girl’s night with friends, sometimes you get dragged to movies you don’t want to see.
I don’t remember how I came to see them all. I think maybe someone took me the first one in theatres. Then you kind of got to know how it ends.
No, I was good. I didn’t need to know how it ended. I figured I knew.
Do you? Do you? Because the wolf like imprints on someone’s baby and it’s pretty fucking weird.
Well, I didn’t see that part. Did you know about that? I just saw the first one. Yeah. You’re talking about you had to see them also, you know how the story ends? Yeah, once I’m into it, I’m into it. I’m not that kind of person.
I just saw the first one and I didn’t have high expectations and then I hate watch the following three.
I haven’t seen the last season of How I Met Your Mother because after the second or third episode I was like, I don’t like this. This is terrible.
I’ve only done that once ever and it was with The Walking Dead.
I did it with that. I did it with Dexter. Walking Dead I didn’t make past season two.
I made it before the Spiky Baseball Bat guy and then because they fake out Glenn’s death earlier in that season. Spoiler alert. And then I like googled some spoiler that he died for real in the next season opening and I was like, fuck this show. That’s the only show I’ve ever reached quit. Everything else I’ll kind of see it through.
It depends. Some shows I’ll see them through if I’m still kind of enjoying them but there have definitely been ones where I’ve reached quit. I also like Dakota Fanning.
You know what’s worth sticking around to the end? Krampus, a new musical.
Yeah, I keep calling it everything but what it’s actually called. I’m like Krampus, a Christmas story. Krampus, so this or that. I’m just like, keep fucking up the title. Apparently they do other things that have been like knocked out of the park too.
There’s more than one play at the Fringe.
No, those writers and producers are apparently known for putting on good stuff. Dream team. No, we just need the soundtrack. I’m sure you can find it somewhere. I couldn’t find it. I googled for two whole minutes.
Well, I’ll send them an email and ask.
Well, I’m going to thank Sheryl for finding this very enjoyable Fringe play. Thanks Sheryl. If you were out there in podcast land thinking about seeing a Fringe play, maybe your very very first one, definitely go.
Go to any Fringe play. Fringe is great.
Not anyone. Anyone. That’s how I always do it. Just google ahead of time if it’s good.
No, no, literally show up, pick the closest venue to you and the first one that’s not sold out.
My friend Anna, she said the very first Fringe play. She saw involved a woman on stage screaming about her vagina for about an hour.
It’s the beauty of the Fringe. You get what you get.
I think that takes us to the end of today’s very Christmassy episode of the I Went Outside Today podcast. This is your host Chris signing off.
This is Sheryl. I’m a Sydney. I did the thing. Now sing us the Christmas song. Which one?
The first one that came to your head just now when I said the Christmas song.
Thanks for listening to today’s very special episode of the I Won’t Outside Today podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, spread the joy and share us with your friends or leave a review.
If you really enjoy our podcast and you want to support us in doing more episodes, consider donating to our Patreon or leave us suggestions in the comment section on our website or social media or you can email us at Iwentoutsidepod@gmail.com.
And make sure you follow us on our social media. We got Twitter. We got Facebook. We don’t got Snapchat because that’s for creeps. We don’t have Twitter. We don’t have Twitter. Facebook and Instagram.
We got Facebook and stuff. Oh, fuck. Okay. And we’re not going to do it again. It’s not going to be as good. Why don’t we have Twitter?
We got Facebook. We got Instagram. Then you can see all our photos and adventures that don’t get turned into episodes because every day of our life is an adventure. Bye.

4.04 – We Put Sydney’s Hair in the Mail

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In today’s episode we use the technological marvel that is bio-resonance testing. Many doubts of its veracity follow as we learn about Sydney’s health deficiencies and intolerances. We also discuss how to properly stage a fake sleeping person in your bed, how uncool it is to steal someone’s hair and send it to strangers, and how many bananas are too many to eat for breakfast.

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4.02 Friday the 13th Special

Posted on by I Went Outside Today

It’s Friday the 13th and we’ve been brewing up some extra bad luck. In honour of today’s date we subject Sydney to 13 unlucky things. Origins of superstitions are discussed, rules are debated, and the absence of cats is lamented.

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4.01 – A Shrektacular Shreksperience

Posted on by I Went Outside Today

We’re back from summer break! We’re back from a rave actually. For today’s episode Sydney is escorted by Sheryl to our local Shrek Rave. From there we discuss the Shrek Cinematic Universe, how to make your Shrek Rave not suck, and what sort of raves we would throw in each other’s honour.

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